I was nineteen when I got married. My husband was unemployed while I had a job. The first month I received my salary in the marriage my husband asked me to give him the money. “I am the man of the house. I should manage our finances,” he said. What did I know at that age? I was taught to be a submissive wife. Jump if he asks you to. Lie down if that’s what he wants. Open your legs whenever he needs to find his self-worth between them. Give him all your money if that will compensate for his refusal to go out and earn his own money. Who was I to question the authority of my husband?

I say he refuses to go out and earn his own money because he is not disabled. He is very capable of working but he would just stay at home while I went to work. At the end of the month, I would give him all my salary. He was the one who decided what we used the money for. Sometimes he wouldn’t even give me enough money for pocket money. I borrowed foodstuff from vendors as if I were unemployed.

We were married in 2008. We had two daughters in the marriage. When I looked at our daughters, I felt very bad. I asked myself what was the use of my job if my girls were starving. That was when I started speaking up for us. I refused to give him my money anymore. Why should I live like a single mother while I had a husband? That was when the marriage began to fall apart. At that point, I had nothing left to save but my children’s future, so I refused to back down.

When I left the marriage, I went to my parent’s house. I got a better job. I applied to a university and gained admission. I put myself through school. By the time I graduated, I was thirty-two. Throughout all this period I didn’t date. I focused on motherhood, work, and school. It wasn’t easy but I did it for my girls. I want to be the kind of mother they can emulate.

In 2021, I met a young man who was a student. This was almost eight years after my marriage collapsed. This young man was the first man to catch my interest after all those years. We got close. He told me about his life. Where he came from. What demons he conquered to become the person is. I also opened up myself to him. I talked about the mountains I had to climb and the deserts I dragged myself through to be rebirthed as this woman he found interesting. Unlike me, he has never been married. He didn’t have kids either.

It didn’t take long before we became love birds. Unlike my ex-husband, my new beau has a job. He works hard. When I got pregnant with his child, he worked extra hard to take care of me and the pregnancy until I finally had the baby. I gave birth to another daughter. He was so happy. I was happy too. Our relationship is healthy for me. My only problem is, he wants to get married.

The first time he proposed, I told him, “Wait. I want to get to know your family before I decide if I want to marry you.” He then took me and the baby home to meet his people. I saw things that had me concerned. His older sister is divorced with children, and they all live in the family house. That’s not my problem with her at all. No, she practices witchcraft in the house. How is this safe?

READ ALSO: My Husband And My Father Are Fighting, And I Am Stuck In The Middle

They haven’t separated their witches’ compound from the main home. So people from all walks of life enter the house at all times of the day to consult her. They live there like the way security officers live in the barracks. I asked my man, “Is this where you want us to live when we get married?” He smiled sheepishly and said, “Don’t worry. You will get used to it.” As if that thought is not horrifying enough, anytime I visit them, his sister expects me to stay at home and cook for her customers.

Every time I go to work and come back, she becomes unhappy with me. So I went to my brother’s house. That’s where my older daughters live. I work and send money to my brother to take care of them. What will become of their future if I stay home to cook for my sister-in-law’s clients? Is this even something she should request I do?

Now, I have decided I don’t want to be separated from my children. Besides, I want all three of them to grow up together so that they can have that sisterly bond. When I discussed it with my man, he said he would build a small house on a piece of land far away from their main house for me. He wants us to move in there after we are married. This is what I want but I am not sure I can move my two older daughters into the house when I become his wife.

How To Marry A Woman From The Frafra Culture Of Ghana


This means I won’t spend enough time with them, and we will grow apart emotionally. I don’t want that to happen. So I am wondering if I should just forget about the marriage entirely. I will get a spacious place and move the girls from my brother’s so all four of us can live together.

I believe I have to choose between my daughters and my relationship. I am saying this because my man has never tried to make them a part of his life. He doesn’t even ask about them. I am not sure he cares whether or not they exist. Should I allow this man to pay my bride price for me to move in with him? Or I should call off everything and get a place for my girls to move in with me?

—Zee

If you have a compelling story to share with us, you can email it to us at [email protected] or send us a voice note on WhatsApp number 0593290182.

#SB