I had my first boyfriend when I was in high school. The rush our young hearts felt at the intensity of our love was otherworldly. I understood what it meant to be loved by watching the way he loved me. He always made it his priority that I was safe and comfortable. I trusted him. So he was the one who broke my virginity.

After we completed school, we were still dating. I never thought for a second that a time would come when we would no longer be together. When I saw him I thought about marriage, a house, kids, old age, grandkids, and eternity. I thought about the full package.

While I was busy trying to get a job so I could make something of my life, my loving boyfriend was out there cheating on me. I never saw it coming. I didn’t even suspect it. I was so heartbroken when I found out four months after we left school.

Thankfully, I did not allow the breakup to distract me from my path. I went on with my job search until I got something that paid well. I was earning GHC600. It was big money at the time. I could afford to take care of my needs without relying on my parents. I could even afford to save some money for tertiary school.

At the workplace, I met a nice gentleman. His name is Nana. He was one of our customers. I treated him with extra friendliness. That got him interested in getting to know me beyond the workplace. That’s how we started talking and later became friends. We both knew we liked each other. There was no resisting the chemistry we shared.

He proposed to me and I accepted it. Unlike me, he was not employed. He was in one of the universities at that time. Life was difficult for him. It was a constant struggle for him to raise money for his school fees. As for food and books, they fell on me. I couldn’t do much for him but considering my strength, I in a way, took care of him.

In the course of the relationship, it came to light that he entertained the company of a girl called Adjoa. All that I saw and heard about them indicated that they were dating. However, when I asked Nana, he denied it. “We are just friends, babe,” he swore. It was always his words against my suspicions. I did not have any concrete proof that he wouldn’t be able to deny so he always got away with it.

Along the line, I also gained admission to the university. Our communication was on and off. If he wasn’t giving his attention to me then someone else must be getting it, right? I brought this but he insisted I was the only woman in his life. “This Adjoa lady you keep bringing up is nothing to me,” he denied once again. I wanted to believe him but that lady kept making too many appearances in our lives. I was beginning to even feel foolish for accepting that they were not involved romantically.

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To put my mind at ease, we broke up. I had no doubt that I would meet someone else when I was ready to move on. I am, after all, a beautiful young woman with a lot of good years ahead of me. All I needed to do was focus on healing so that when I finally meet the special person who would make everything make sense, I would be myself, a special person who would add meaning to his life.

Now, here is my problem. Ever since I started putting myself out there, I haven’t met a single man who has shown interest in me. It’s been three years now since my last relationship but I am still single. The painful thing is that this singlehood is not by choice.

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I have forgotten how it feels like to have a man propose to me. There are times I ask myself, “Am I too ugly to be noticed by a man? Or is it that I have only met men who don’t find me attractive?” The thing is, I know these questions are just my insecurities manifesting. Because when I look in the mirror I see myself as someone beautiful.

I have a curvy body, the kind I have been told most Ghanaian men find desirable. I have a pretty face too. It has been said that I have a pleasant personality as well. So why aren’t there men paying attention to me? Am I invisble to them? Don’t get me wrong, I am not desperate. I am only concerned. What can I do to get the attention of the right kind of man?

–Gold

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