For the past five years since I have known him, he has not been able to work properly. No, he doesn’t have health issues or anything of the sort. He can work, he just hasn’t been able to work for a long period of time. Sometimes he would get a job, and start nicely. Things would look great. He would seem to give it his best shot. Then all of a sudden he would be at home without a job.

Ninety percent of his expenses, I pay for them. We are married with a son and I am the breadwinner of the family. Our rent is my responsibility. Everything we eat is my responsibility. Utility bills among other bills are left for me to bear. Common pin that we would use at home, he is unable to provide it. Honestly, I never complained about taking care of things financially. This is a man I loved and was willing to support through thick and thin.

We were partners. The plan was to build each other up and build a good future for our son. So why would I mind if I was up and he was down for a brief moment? Things were hard in our home country. Poor economy. High unemployment rates. After you struggle to get a job, your company could face some problems and you would be laid off before you even announce to your friends and relatives that you’ve been offered a job. These were all factors I considered when he was struggling.

We even sat down and talked about it. “Nigeria is not helping us,” we agreed. The other option was to relocate outside the country in hopes that the grass indeed is greener than it is at home. We all know that these plans are nice to dream about but without money, they do not become a reality.

While I was taking care of our family, and my husband’s aged mother in the village, I was also gathering money to sponsor our trip abroad. It wasn’t easy but I was determined to make it happen, especially whenever I saw my husband and felt his potential was underutilized. I wanted him to have access to all the opportunities he could get so he would be the man he has always wanted to be.

By God’s grace, I made it work. We moved abroad. Here, we both have the opportunity to start from scratch and make something out of our lives. Technically, I have an advantage because I run my own business. So even when things get hard for me here, my business will keep us afloat. He, on the other hand, doesn’t have that kind of financial cushion to fall on, so again, I was patient with him.

Soon enough he got a job. We didn’t have proper documentation so it wasn’t something that paid much. However, what he earned was enough to pay our rent. I was happy that he was on his feet. He was doing something to contribute to our household. It was good for our family and good for his pride as well. However, he lost this one too after a while. It was because of papers.

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He was down but I encouraged him. “Don’t worry my dear, this is a land of opportunities. Something good will happen soon.” While he is at home trying to get something else to do, I have been going to work and providing for us as usual. The only downside is that we are not back home anymore. Here, I have to work twice as hard to provide for all our needs. And we cannot afford help when I am not at home to do domestic work. This leaves my husband to do the house chores. That’s the problem.

Whenever I return from work, he expects me to praise him for keeping the home clean. He believes he is not supposed to cook for us because I am the woman and he is the man. So when he does it, I am supposed to applaud him and say, “You’ve done so well, honey.” Meanwhile, we are a partnership. It is because he is unable to make income that I have to work extra hours. That’s what is keeping me too busy to take care of the home like I usually do. He Knows this but he acts like I am emasculating him.

He Called Me On The Phone So I Could Hear The Other Woman’s Voice

He is not blind to all the things I do for him but he has never said thank you or offered any appreciation for my efforts. He acts as if everything I do for our family is my responsibility but everything he does is a favour he is doing me. He has stopped talking to me because I have rejected that narrative.

He treats me like I am belittling him by acting normal when he does the chores. At this point, I am tired of everything. His entitlement and the cold shoulder he is giving me. These days when he ignores me, I just laugh. That’s because I have started preparing myself for divorce. I don’t know what else I can do to make this man happy.

Maybe if we go our separate ways he will find the kind of woman who will do everything for him the way he wants; a working woman who pays all the bills yet still manages to run the home like a stay-at-home wife. I hope I am doing the right thing by taking this step.

—Sadie

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