I come from a very humble home. Many people had to pool their resources to see me through school. The goal was for me to land myself in a good place so I could also take care of my younger siblings. Because of this, I didn’t take my education lightly. I gave my best to my academic work even though I was doing a small business on the side. I had people counting on me and I couldn’t risk disappointing them. That was why I started making my own money in school.

I was still in school when I started dating Kwame. He lived in the Eastern Region while I lived in another region, so our relationship was mostly long-distance. He said he wanted to marry me, so we mostly spoke about our future together as a married couple. He knew it was important to me that I work hard after school. He was even impressed with this side of me. He said, “There is nothing more attractive to me than an independent woman.” He promised me to be the hand that holds the ladder for me while I climb higher higher whichever path I choose to take.

After I completed school, we started making preparations for marriage. He asked me, “Where would you want to be posted to work?” I didn’t need to think too deeply before responding, “I can be anywhere in Ghana except the Eastern part. That place is a new territory to me so I wouldn’t want to live there.” He was quiet. I knew it was because he lived in the Eastern Region so I quickly asked him, “Will it work for you? If it’s important to you that I move to the Eastern Region after marriage then I am not taking any chances. Let’s end things immediately.” That was when he finally said, “Oh not at all. You can live anywhere you want. We will make it work.”

I started working before we finally got married. That was how I wanted it. Earning my own money gave me a sense of security. I knew that if the worst happened, I could fall back on my savings to survive. “I won’t be one of those women who get stuck in bad marriages because they didn’t have any money to leave,” I assured myself. My marriage was fairly peaceful until I got pregnant. I didn’t have it easy. The changes in my body took a huge toll on my health.

I had to be hospitalized for a while. When I finally felt better and wanted to resume work, my husband said; “No. You can’t return to work in your condition.” I tried to reason with him, “Honey, I am feeling better now. If I stay in one place, I won’t fully recover. So it’s best I go back to work.” He still wouldn’t change his mind. When I pushed him too hard he retorted, “Fine! Go to work if you please. But bear in mind that if something happens to you, I will sue you.” I didn’t want to start a fight, so I let him have his way.

In my seventh month, I was completely better. I could easily move around without any stress. I didn’t need urgent medical attention anymore. I was ready to resume work fully. When I brought up the subject my husband asked me, “ Why are you so hell-bent on disobeying me? Is that how your parents raised you?” I was disappointed that this peaceful man I married, all of a sudden became the antagonist in my life. I was pregnant and unprepared for a fight so once again, I let him win.

When it was almost time for me to deliver, he refused to let me go live with my mother. “Then let me come and stay with you till the baby comes,” I suggested. He said no. His reason was that he didn’t want people to see me. He insisted I go live with his mother. I didn’t know anyone there but I went. You should see the way I was maltreated. I ended up having to undergo an emergency C.S. to deliver the baby.

After delivery, my mother asked why my husband wouldn’t let me come and live with him and the baby. He said, “I am a private man. I don’t want people to see my family.” I explained that the condition at his mother’s place was like slavery but he didn’t care.

Later, I heard he was building a house in the Eastern Region, the same region where he and his mother lived. I asked to go and see the place but he refused. Even when it was time for us to move, he refused to let me go and pack my things to transfer to the new house. He chose to go for the stuff himself.

There was a problem with my bank. My cousin who had inside information told me to go and withdraw my money before the bank closed down. All my life’s savings were there but my husband refused to let me go for the money. He made sure his mother monitored my every move so I couldn’t steal away. That’s how I lost all GHC30,000 of my savings.

My job that I was forced to quit said I should come to the office and sign some documents so they would give me some compensation. That one too, my husband ordered me not to go. My uncle offered to drive me to the place but my husband told my uncle, “If she goes and something happens to her, I will sue you people.” My family is the staunch Christian kind. They believe in wives’ doing their husbands’ bidding so my uncle took a step back and asked me to do what my husband says.

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I used to make fruit juice to keep myself occupied and earn something small for myself. This man ceased the items I was using for the juice and warned me to stop the business. I tried to make liquid soap but he stopped me from doing that one too. We’ve moved to the new house he built, but the living conditions are terrible. One day I went to fetch water for the house and tripped and fell face down. I lost a tooth to that fall. All my husband could tell me was, “That’s what happens when you refuse to be strong.”

Every little thing I do earns me a hive of insults. He tells me my parents didn’t raise me well, and that I don’t know how to do anything. This is a man who won’t even attend to our baby when I am busy with house chores. It pains me that all this is happening at a time when I don’t have even GHC1 to my name.

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It

He refuses to let me work but he doesn’t even provide me with my needs. You should see me, my hair is worse than a rat’s nest. This man still wears clothes I bought for him when we were dating, yet he can’t boast of a single pair of socks that he bought for me. Common sanitary pad, I have to be frugal with housekeeping money, to be able to afford it.

I don’t know what I am experiencing but this is not marriage. I have gotten to the point where I am considering a divorce. I cannot allow all the money my family invested in me to go waste, just because I married a man who won’t let me work. Why would a man marry a working woman only to stop her from working after marriage? How does this make sense? I’ve tried but I can’t do it anymore. I am tired.

—Billie

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