My mother came over recently to spend some time with me and my two-year-old. We don’t see her often because of distance. So the plan is for her to stay with us for as long as she wants. I mean, who doesn’t want their mother around them?
Anyone who has a good relationship with their mother will agree with me when I say mothers have a special touch. No matter how old you are or how capable you are of taking care of yourself, life is always easier when your mum is with you. After all, you are always their baby. This has been my experience ever since my mum came here.
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I am a mother but with her, I can lay down my responsibilities of motherhood. She takes good care of me and my son. Even when I tell her not to stress herself too much, she insists on making sure we are all comfortable.
She cooks our meals. Oh, and she is such an amazing cook. She knows how to make my favourite food just the way I like it. My son also benefits from her mothering. The two of them are an inseparable pair. He doesn’t even let me feed him anymore. He insists my mother does it.
I see how he follows her around everywhere she goes and it fills my heart with great joy. I know for a fact that there is nothing my mother wouldn’t do to make us happy. This is a woman who goes as far as doing our laundry. It’s not as if I don’t do it, I do but she would tell me; “I am here so let me do it. It’s the least I can do to take care of you.”
To be honest, I am enjoying the care. It makes me feel like I am still her baby girl running around playing ampe with my friends, instead of a mother responsible for a whole human being.
I sell stuff at the market. That’s how I earn money to provide for our home. You would think after all the domestic assistance my mother offers me, she wouldn’t trouble herself with my small business. Well, she does. She comes along with me to the market to help me sell.
I am grateful for all the ways she has been present for us. But I discovered something the other night that has left me feeling betrayed and concerned.
Ever since she got here, she has been taking some medication daily. I asked if she was fine and she said yes. Well, then why the need to take drugs regularly?
The way she went about the drugs also suggested she didn’t want me to know what exactly it was. This only heightened my curiosity. When I got the chance to snoop around her stuff, I did. To my shock, I found out she is on ARV.
I feel so broken that she didn’t trust me enough to share this heavy news with me. Why did she feel the need to shoulder this alone?
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I am sad but I am also angry at her for keeping this huge thing a secret from me all this while. I have no idea how long she’s had it but even if she didn’t want to tell me while we were apart, she should have told me when she came to live with us. The fact that she is on medication means she is taking measures to be healthy and protect everyone around her so why did she keep me in the dark?
I am trying to act as if I haven’t seen anything but I also don’t know how to pretend. I also don’t want to behave in a way that suggests I have changed toward her because of what I have seen. How should I deal with it?
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Most importantly, how can I still maintain the love and friendship we share, seeing as she has kept an important part of her life from me?
Also, should I be concerned? I don’t know if she has gotten to a point where she can’t infect anyone. She feeds the baby. I see them drink from the same cup and all. Is this safe for my child? That’s my worry. How do I address this issue with her without causing a rift between us?
—Karen
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As long as she is taking the medication frequently there no problem. She didn’t tell you because she deos not want to add to your problems. Aside from that she is afraid you will judge her. You have to let her know thatyou know of her illness but assure her of your undying love and unwavering support. Things won’t change between you guys it will rather improve instead. I know it’s hurting and concerning. Don’t wait for small problems to big ones. This is not the time for hatred but the time to show patience,love and support. Spend as much time as you can before she leaves this world. Life is too short.
The First comment have said the whole word. Your mother is always your mother. You don’t Have anyone to love in this world only her. You would not understand what i am saying until the day she is no more. I lost my parents, i know how it feels. Dont ever think of hatred!!
People with HIV are afraid to tell their family the truth because of the stigma attached to it. I’ve seen many people who hide it from their families. I’ve also seen lots of people who were abandoned by their families after learning about it. But best of all, I’ve seen people whose families are fully aware and who give them all the love and support that they need. It is never an easy conversation to have with your loved ones and fear often prevents people from reaching out. You’re lucky now that your snooping has revealed it to you. Now have a conversation with your mum and assure her that you still love her and that you have her back. Get involved with her medical care and help her carry this heavy burden that she’s been shouldering all by herself.
You don’t have to hate her! Rather approach her in a calm warm and let her know you’ve seen her taking the ARV medications. Make her feel you are with her in her afflictions.
Don’t judge her, don’t distance yourself from her. Encourage her to take her medications regularly. Just be there for her
Never try to hate her.
The level of stigma attached to this HIV in our Ghanaian society alone will make her think twice before confiding in anyone about her status
From my perspective, she was engulfed with the fear of societal stigma which could even come from a very close relative.
Embrace her, let her know that you’ve got to know her status yet, you still want her closer to you and keep her status a top-notch secret between you and herself.
I bet that should you find yourself in such a situation, you’ll find it difficult to confide in anyone.
Forgive her and move on with her peacefully.