Everybody has that one friend they turn to when life is throwing lemons at them and they don’t know what to do with those lemons. It’s only when we go to that friend that we hear some motivational speech such as, “Don’t worry. Life can throw all the lemons it wants to throw. We will be here turning them into lemonade. When our hands are hurting from squeezing all those lemons, we’ll stop squeezing and use the lemon in our armpit when we bathe. You know lemon has so many uses. Allow life to do its worse. We’ll do our best to sail through it all.”

I have that friend. You have that friend. My wife has that friend too, just that her friend goes overboard with those motivations and he’s a man. For a very long time, I didn’t blame him for his overboard motivation. I blamed my wife for telling him things she wasn’t supposed to tell him. I could kiss my wife with onions in my breathe. She would pick her phone and text him, “You can’t imagine what my husband did to me last night. He kissed me with oniony breath I nearly threw up. How could he do that to me? Didn’t he know he was supposed to brush his teeth before kissing?” 

You would expect a man like him to respect the bro code and say something on my behalf. Defend the honor of the brotherhood. But no. He’ll tell my wife, “He had started giving you stale breath? You have to be worried. Who is he giving the fresh breath to? That’s the question you have to answer.” Instead of honoring the bro code, he’ll rather put doubt in my wife’s mind. 

My wife: “Are you suggesting he’s cheating?”

Him: “I made no such assertion. I’m only saying you should be worried.”

My wife: How?”

Him: “Because I’m a man. I know what men are capable of.”

At first, I didn’t know where my wife met such a friend. I thought he was an old friend. Someone she attended school with or someone she once went to church with or just someone she loves to talk to. But every day when I read their chats, the conversations went deeper than life throwing lemons at someone. I started digging to know where my wife got such a friend from. I picked his name and little details and ran it on Facebook search. He had a name parents don’t like to give to their children so few people had his name on Facebook. I read the details of the profiles that came up. 

Just when I was giving up, I saw a face that looked like a retired footballer. He had plenty of beards and had a lip of Majid Michel. I went through his photos. He had a lot of photos of him at the gym. He was well built and looked like a guy who put a lot of effort into his looks. He wore a wedding band and was working at the same place as my wife. I said, “Wow, that explains it. These guys are so close. No wonder they talk about everything.” I shut down the app and thought of the next strategy to use to prevent them from talking. 

I’d been reading my wife’s messages for ages. She didn’t know about it. Each night when she was asleep, I picked her phone and checked how her day went. Her password is our wedding date six years ago. How romantic. She had been a good wife. She had been there when I needed her the most. She had been the pillow (literally) I rest my head on. She had given me two adorable kids—a boy and a girl. What more can a man want from a wife? 

A man may want everything from his wife, except being friends with a guy who has the lips of Majid Michel. It’s worse when that guy is in the same office as her. I didn’t like the kind of conversation that went on between them. One evening, I went through her phone again;

The guy: “He didn’t do it again last night?”

My Wife: “He drew blank. I put my legs on him and he threw them away. I drew closer and he pulled away. He simply didn’t want to touch me.” 

The guy: So it’s been a week since he touched you?”

My wife: “Exactly. Do you think he’s seeing someone else?”

The Guy: “He gave you bad breath. He had gone for a week without touching you. Sweetheart, there’s something missing somewhere. The bolt is loosening up.”

My Wife: You think I should confront him?”

The Guy: “Don’t. Allow him to roam. When it gets worse, I’m here. I can give it to you for free.”

My Wife: Emojis. A lot of emojis. More emojis.

I swear I didn’t know I’d gone for a week without sex. I wasn’t counting. If it came up in an argument, I would have sworn it was only yesterday that I slept with my wife. Who has time to count the days that sex happens? So I woke her up from sleep, kissed her, and gave it to her the way she wanted it. She scratched. She pulled the sheets. She moaned. It was good work done. The following night, I went through her phone and they had had a chat about it. “It was as if he was possessed,” my wife said. He’s never done it to me like this in a long while.” He responded, “Give me a try. You’ll see the difference.”

I screamed in my head, “That’s it. That’s the straw that breaks my back. I will confront this guy.”

My wife didn’t tell him anything when he made those suggestive statements. It made me wonder, “How long before she agrees to his demands? I’m a man too and I know how this works. It’s like water on a cracked surface. You see the water there as if it’s not going through the cracks but slowly, it sinks. Hours later, you’ll see nothing. Gone through the cracks completely.  It takes time. Slowly it will sink. His words were bouncing off the surfaces of my wife’s mind but soon it may sink. I wanted to confront my wife. I wanted to tell her everything and warn her to stay off that guy. But then it occurred to me that she might not change. She’ll only change tactics and that would be dangerous to me. She will change her password or delete messages. She’ll talk to him secretly and still talk about the possibility of ‘trying’ him.

I decided to tackle it from the source. 

I went to her workplace and called the guy. He didn’t even recognize me when he saw me. I introduced myself respectfully to him; “I’m my wife’s husband. I know she’s your friend and I know you talk to her a lot on so many things I don’t expect her to discuss with you. I can also accept that we all have that friend we confide in. I will be happy for my wife to have that friend but the length you’re traveling with my wife makes me uncomfortable. I’m not here to playback your conversations but know this. I read everything. Every word. I pick the nuances. I read between the lines.  I’m not comfortable so stop talking to my wife. It sounds like you have a lot of good advice. You’re married. Use it to work on your marriage and leave mine alone. My wife doesn’t know I’m coming here. She doesn’t know that I’ve been reading her messages. If you don’t tell her I was here, she wouldn’t know. I will like it if you don’t tell her but then again, it’s your choice.”

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He was quiet. He said, “I’m sorry but I was only being friendly. I didn’t mean it the way you want it to sound. I’m a man too and I have a wife. I wouldn’t do what you’re suggesting but forgive me if you took it the wrong way.” I shook his hands and left.

I didn’t believe that he wouldn’t tell my wife but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

My wife came home wearing a gloomy face. “What is wrong with you? Did you receive any bad news?” She said, “No, I’m fine.” “You don’t look fine. Tell me what’s wrong?” She said, “I’m fine. I’m ok. Don’t worry.” She maintained that mood for a whole week. I checked her phone and she had changed the password. “I knew he will tell her.”

“He told you right?”

“What did you do that for? That was embarrassing. Why didn’t you talk to me first?” 

“I talked to him about it because he was the problem. It’s over now. We can’t do anything about it. Just stop discussing our marriage with a total stranger.”

“I get it but why would you confront him without my knowledge?”

We’ve been on this for close to one month. I’ve tried all I could to snap her out of that moody behavior but she doesn’t talk to me until I ask her a question. I’ve decided to leave her to time but it seems we are slowly drifting away. What else do I need to do to bring things back to normal?   

–Abbey 

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