She was the one who proposed to me. We were the best of friends before she proposed. I had a girlfriend. She knew I had a girlfriend too so I even thought she was putting me to a test. I was honest, “I have a girlfriend. You know her and you know how long we’ve been together. I would have liked us to date but my situation with her wouldn’t allow us.”

A week later she brought the proposal up again. Telling me I’m a man so I shouldn’t allow a single relationship to rule my life. I reminded her of my first answer; “I told you a week ago. I’m committed. I don’t want us to start something that will ruin our friendship. I like you like this. Let’s keep it going.”

Things became a little cold between us going forward. We didn’t talk as often as we used to. We were drifting apart and it was obvious. I made the attempt to restore the dignity of our friendship but each time I pushed forward, she hit my head with the issues of a relationship.

We needed to talk so we sat down in her house and had a marathon of conversation. She told me the whole truth. It wasn’t a relationship she was looking for but she was looking for someone to get her pregnant.

“Don’t you think you need a good boyfriend to do that for you? After that you two can discuss marriage,” I told her.

“Look at me and my size, do you think any man will love me enough to marry me? I’ve tried but they don’t stay, even those I spent my money on.”

She talked about her age (she was 37), she talked about her fears of menopause, she talked about her love for kids. Ultimately, she hated her size because she thought it was the reason no man would want to be with her. I did my best to encourage her, that there are men going around looking for a woman like her. She should be patient and hopeful. She cooked and we ate. We drew the curtains on the conversation.

The next morning, I woke up to a text that said, “You don’t have to worry when you have a baby with me. I will take care of it myself and no one will hear about it. I only need your qualities in my baby.”

I called her, “You never give up, do you?” She answered, “They always give up on me so I’ve learnt not to give up on myself.”

We started having an affair. Secret lovers. Lovers in the dark, friends in the light kind of affair. I was operating on her promise. In case a child happens, she would take care of the child and it will be our secret.

A few months later, she got pregnant. She didn’t tell me about it until the pregnancy was four months old. She said she was scared I would tell her to get rid of it. I asked her, “So what next?” She answered, “I will learn to be a mother. That’s what is next for me.”

She called one day to tell me her mother wanted to meet me. “For what?” I screamed. “She wants to see the man who impregnated me.”

That wasn’t part of the deal and I told her. She insisted I should go home with her to meet her mother so the mother would know it was a human being who got her pregnant. I insisted I wasn’t going anywhere and guess what, this girl started threatening me, “Don’t let us fight. If we do, the whole world will hear about us.” I laughed and called her bluff. “You begged me, remember. I still have those messages. Let the world hear about us, I will show receipts.”

READ ALSO: I Have Become A Slave In My Own Marriage

The way things were going, I knew she had me by the balls and there was nothing I could do. She used my girlfriend’s name to threaten me mostly. She knew that was my weakest point. I told my parents about it and planned to tell my girlfriend too. I made my mom call her one afternoon to ask when she could meet her. This girl got angry that I was involving my family. We fought on the phone for hours. All that while, she was screaming, “Why didn’t you tell your girlfriend but your mom? Or you want me to do the telling for you?”

We didn’t talk again until she called me one day that her time was due. I wished her all the best. Days later, her sister called to tell me she was at the hospital with her so I should come around. I was at work. I decided I would go there after work.

I got there in the evening and met her crying. The doctors have told her that she lost the baby. Immediately she saw my face, she started shouting, “What do you want here? What you prayed for has happened so what are you here for?”

I stayed for a while, said sorry to her and left the hospital. I was surprised by the way I was feeling. I thought I would be happier but it felt like I’d lost something. All of a sudden, I felt hollow, like something had been taken from me. Half a man kind of feeling. I gave way to my emotions. I cried on my way going. I called her the next day to say sorry. She was still angry, cursing me on the phone, saying I killed her baby.

When I dropped the line, I knew that was the end of our friendship and everything that held us together. She wasn’t yet done with me. She called to ask if my girlfriend knew about the pregnancy. I said no but she could tell her if she wanted to. She was so bent on making me miserable that she texted my girlfriend anonymously with details of everything that happened.

My girlfriend didn’t believe it but when she asked me, I confirmed it was true. What’s the worst that could happen? I could either lose the relationship and lose my fear or keep her and have my freedom. She was mad at me. “You didn’t get any woman to impregnate but this woman you said was your friend? I didn’t know you wanted a sugar mommy.”

She Wants Us To Get Married But I’m Scared

I was twenty-eight. She was nine years older than me so the sugar mommy assertion made sense. The whole thing shook the foundation of our relationship. We broke up at some point but persistent and the show of remorse won the day for me. But honestly, things are not the way they used to be. It will take a lot of time but I’m ready to make things work. It’s the price I have to pay for being stupid and senseless.

—James

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