She sat next to me in church and I shared her hymn book with her. I was fascinated by her beauty so throughout the service, my mind was on her and how I was going to make her my friend once service was over. When the pastor asked us to shake the hands of the person next to us and we did, I didn’t want to let go. She felt the handshake was pretty tight so she looked at me with her pretty eyes and smiled, maybe asking me to let go with those eyes.
After church, I took her number and told her I wanted to sit next to her again. She didn’t say much. She gave me the number and left. When we talked, we talked about church. I’m not the church type but I became one because of her. We sat next to each other every Sunday, sharing her hymn book, stealing glances and loving each other’s presence.
We started dating when she told me she didn’t want to date the next person for too long. In her dream, marriage should follow a year after dating. I didn’t have problems with that because a girl like her deserved to be married and not be used as a plaything.
Her workplace wasn’t far from mine so after work, I would drive to her place and pick her up. Sometimes we went home straight. Other times, we went to where we could eat and talk about our love before I would take her to her house and continue to mine, which was like an hour apart. I did it without fail for months until one day I couldn’t. We had a conversation on Sunday and I told her I wouldn’t be able to pick her up for the week. She said, “Then you have to pay for my fare.”
She gave me the total taxi fare for the week and I paid. After a week, I still couldn’t pick her up but I didn’t give her the taxi fare. Her attitude wasn’t right all week. She was trying to communicate with me in silence. When she took her time to answer my text, it was her way of asking me why I didn’t pay her fare. I realized the change but ignored it. When the week ended, she called and said we needed to talk.
“Once we are in a relationship, I expect certain things from you as my man. It’s not much but the bare minimum every man will do for a woman he says he loves.”
For about thirty minutes, I kept quiet and listened as she lectured me on her needs and why I had to fulfil them as a boyfriend.
She needed me to support her financially but didn’t want to ask for it before I gave it to her. She told me, “I don’t know how much you earn but you should be able to give me a weekly or monthly allowance. It only means you love me and want to see me happy.”
That aside, anytime she tells me she’s going to the salon, I should send her something—something that would be enough to pay for her hair and nails. “I don’t have to beg for it. It’s something any man in love will do for his woman,” she said.
When she got to the transportation bit she told me, “I was very impressed with you when you were picking me up after work each day. It was thoughtful. It made me feel loved but when you can’t do it, please don’t let me beg before you send the fare. I don’t want another man to give me a lift when my boyfriend has a car. It’s disrespectful.”
I listened keenly. I knew it would be hard for me to do all that but I also believed she would be reasonable enough to understand me when I didn’t have the money to do all that. I told her what I felt about her requests and told her I could only try but when it gets to a point that it’s hard, she should also understand. We ended the conversation with a kiss that lasted as long as the period we used to talk.
I sent her money when she needed to fix her hair and nails, and it looked like she was doing it every weekend. I gave her the monthly allowance and also paid the fare when I couldn’t pick her up. I was overstretching myself to cover her needs but she called it the bare minimum. Because of that, she didn’t show any appreciation or even say thank you when I sent her money. Instead, she argued for increment and told me that was what a man in love would do.
If I was visiting her and she had to cook for me, I had to send her money for the food or else, I wouldn’t have anything to eat. It didn’t bother me until I started getting bothered. It got to a point, I couldn’t buy anything for myself. I couldn’t afford the bare minimum of luxury for myself after a whole week’s struggle. Sometimes, I even struggled to afford fuel for the week. I started withdrawing some of the favours so it turned to a fight, angst and bitterness.
The day she compared me to her ex was the day I felt choked; “I haven’t dated a man who didn’t do any of these. Unless you don’t love me, then I will understand. This is the bare minimum. It shouldn’t come with a fight.”
That was where I drew the line. The relationship was barely a year old but I was ready to cut the cord. For a woman who calls everything “bare minimum,” she wasn’t doing a quarter of the things my ex did in my life. I told her it was over. She asked why. I told her I was being drowned by the things she called minimum. She laughed. She said, “So be it. You complained about everything. Ain’t you a man?”
It didn’t end right there. We tried to work our way back in love. I needed a straw of goodness from her side to hang on to. To say, “Oh she did this and that for me so she’s worth it.” I didn’t get any apart from sex. So while we were trying to work things out, I got resentful. Whenever she asked for the bare minimum, my blood boiled. I became so bitter I began poisoning my own soul. I left without saying goodbye. She let me go because a man who couldn’t provide the barest minimum wasn’t worth it.
A week after we were completely over, I found my horizon again. The vista was so pleasing to my eye all I wanted to do was fall in love again, this time with a woman who didn’t go to church with a hymn book. I was back to a place where I was enough to myself and to the environment I found myself in. I gave other women lifts and they were so appreciative you wouldn’t think it was the bare minimum. I gave other women little they called each morning to say thank you.
“I will choose right the next time. I owe myself that much,” I pepped myself up.
We met in church on Sundays I attended. We talked without any bitterness because no bare minimum was expected of me this time. When I could, I gave her a lift and she said thank you. She sent a text to say thank you and we talked for a while. One day she asked, “Why did we let ourselves go? We looked good together.”
I’m Dating Him And His Mother | STORY BOARD
I didn’t respond. I saw it as the trap that it was and jumped over it. In my car one Sunday after church, she brought it up. I couldn’t escape this time so I told her, “You asked for a pound of my flesh and called it the bare minimum. I had no more flesh to even cater for myself so…”
“Maybe I was harsh,” she said. “But those things made me feel loved by you. No man has ever done that for me.”
We sat still and silent until the end of the ride. We waved at each other but that was all we could give, the bare minimum. We are not enemies though. We talk when we meet. I give her a ride home when I can. She calls to say thank you. It ends there.
— Adom
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You’re so so right! Big ups from the brotherhood!
I keep saying that don’t let anyone look down on you when they hardly do anything for you but take from you. The bare minimum she was demanding was only provided by you. None of her ex boyfriends or current boy could provide that. She was using you as a launch pad to stay trendy and catch a fish bigger than you. Happy you saved your life before she skewed the joy of living from you. Continue to give her the bare minimum when you see her. Just wave 👋 at her.
Adam please don’t overstretch yourself to please others. The right one will value your effort and won’t expect more from you because she knows and thinks about your wellbeing and needs as well. Note this any woman who doesn’t ask you how you manage your day or how you are fairing whiles giving her money is selfish and hence will be your end. What is not earned is not valued. A word to the wise is enough.
My bro, you can’t kill yourself for a woman you’re dating. It is good you’ve seen the red flags. Be warned not to get involved with her else the worst will happen if you’re to marry. She will have this sense of entitlement.