When I first met James, he was obsessed with travelling overseas. Like many Ghanaians I have encountered, he believes that one cannot make something out of their life if one remains in Ghana. So he always told me, “Maame, when you go on your knees, pray for me so that God will relocate me to a better country where I will make enough money to give you all the finest things you desire in life.” I always laughed because by then we were just friends. But with the passage of time, he made his intentions known in a way that made me consider him seriously. When I agreed to date him he made me a promise that he would marry me in no time. We are both Christians so we didn’t want to date for too long and make room for sin in our relationship.

A little over two years, James got an opportunity of a lifetime to travel abroad in search of greener pastures. We were making plans to get married then, but travelling overseas was his lifelong dream. So he sat me down and told me, “I know that we are planning our wedding but I need you to hold on for a little longer. If I invest the money I have into our ceremony, I won’t have much left to travel with. So wait for me. When I leave I will work hard and make enough money to give you the wedding of your dreams.” I was a little scared at first, that he would leave and forget about me but my faith in God and my love for James gave me the assurance that James would not disappoint me.

After he left, he was able to work hard and send me money to take care of my needs. It didn’t matter to him that I was working. He always said, “I promised to give you the finest things in life and I haven’t given you a fraction of that yet so just enjoy the little comforts for now.” James encouraged me to further my education, and he paid my school fees through it all. There was nothing I needed that he didn’t give me. We were perfectly happy. And after he spent a few years overseas, he came to Ghana and we got married. Just as he promised, he gave me the wedding of my dreams. Our wedding day was the happiest day of my life. It marked the beginning of the rest of our lives together and I just wanted to see what the future would bring us.

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James spent some time in Ghana after our wedding so I got to live with him before he left. One thing I realized before he left was how secretive he had become. He was evasive when I tried to talk to him about his life abroad. And he always tensed up when I touched his phone. He didn’t tell me not to touch it, nor did he keep a password on it. But his body language whenever I got close to his phone told me that he was hiding something on it that he wouldn’t want me to see. So I waited for him to fall asleep one night, and then I went through the phone. Imagine my shock when I found out that my newly wedded husband, James, had two sons with another woman overseas. l felt so broken that I wept like a baby.

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I woke him up and asked, “You have kids with another woman?” James looked at my face and answered, “What kind of crazy talk is that? Why would I go through the trouble of coming back to Ghana to marry you if I had another woman over there?” I showed him the evidence I found on his phone and that was when he came clean. He said he couldn’t tell me the truth because he was scared to lose me. He explained that he had to do what he did to secure his life over there. He apologized profusely and I forgave him. Only for me to find out that he smokes. It’s mostly cigarettes and some leaves that look like rosemary spices. I don’t know if it’s marijuana or what. I asked him questions about it and all he could say was, “If it bothers you, I won’t smoke again. I promise.”

Last year he came to Ghana again and I found out that he was still smoking. He was a good Christian when he left the country so why did he change? I have been praying and crying,  asking God why all this is happening to me. To make matters worse, I have not been able to get pregnant after all these years. I am beginning to wonder if it has something to do with his smoking habits. Maybe it has affected his fertility somehow. If that’s the case then how do I  make him stop smoking so that I can get pregnant? Or should I count my losses and leave the marriage? I don’t know what to do.

–Adele

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