I blamed our problems on the long distance. I convinced myself that the fact that I live in Accra while she lived in Takoradi was the reason she behaved the way she did. How was she behaving? For starters, she was very secretive. Every time I got the opportunity to go through her phone, I would find most of her chats empty. I knew the chats she deleted were from people she was talking to so it didn’t make sense that she deleted their conversations. “What are you hiding?” I often asked her. But she never gave me any reasonable explanation.

While I was trying to figure her out, her father also called me with complaints. “You need to talk to Alice. She doesn’t stay at home. I don’t know where she goes or whom she goes to. I have talked several times but I am tired. Maybe she will listen to you.” I confronted her about what her father told me and she got defensive. “Why are you talking to my father behind my back? Since you believed everything he told you without listening to my side of the story first, then it’s your business. Do whatever you want with the information he gave you.”

Because I loved her so much, I easily let everything go and continued with the relationship. That was when I started making preparations to help her move to Accra, where she would be close to me. Now, before that could happen, her father called me again. “Alice’s JHS teacher is back in town from Dubai. That teacher was good to her when she was in school, so now that he is back she is always in his company. Maybe he will advise her to change.” I was hurt when her father said this. He thought it was a good thing that Alice was spending time with her teacher because he didn’t know that the two of them dated. That teacher was the one who broke her when she was in JHS. And he was one of the people whose chat she always deleted.

Initially, I didn’t think the man was a threat because he was far away in Dubai. However, after hearing that he was back and that my girlfriend was hanging out with him I was terrified. I called her to find out what was going on and she flared up. “Why are you always in a hurry to think the worst of me? This man you are asking me questions about is here to get married. I am only helping him run some errands. So you either trust me or leave me.”

Once, I heard someone say that in every relationship, one person loves the most. And usually, it is that person who is more vulnerable. Well, in my relationship I am the vulnerable one. I was easily hurt by the things Alice did, and she made me feel she would rather lose me than try to make me happy. I know this about her, but I just couldn’t let her go. So I held on, even when it hurt me. I was constantly trying to heal myself from the wounds she inflicted on my heart. Through it all, I believed that she would change if I found a way to close the distance between us.

Recently, I succeeded in getting her a job in Accra. With her father’s permission, I asked her to live with me while she works. When she agreed, I moved out of my apartment and rented a bigger place so she would be comfortable when she comes. While we were preparing for her to come, things were peaceful. We have been together for two years, and while the first year was good, we fought throughout the second year. So I was excited that the fights ceased in the days that preceded her move. “Maybe, all hope is not lost. The fact that we are not fighting now means when she finally arrives here, we will have peace. Things will be good again”

READ MORE: She Said Yes To Me But Her Brother Had A Different Agenda Against Our Love Story

I suppose I shouldn’t have gotten ahead of myself. Because, just two days After Alice arrived at my place, I found out that she was talking to a new guy. “What is the meaning of this, Alice?” I confronted her, “While we were making plans to move in together you were entertaining another guy?” She looked me dead in the eye and said, “When I gave you the ultimatum to either trust me or leave me, I thought you were going to leave me. So I also moved on with my life. I am sorry. I will cut off communication with him.”

I wanted to believe her but after everything she put me through, I couldn’t just accept whatever she told me. So I called one of her friends crying. I lay all my pain at her feet and asked her to do me a favour. “I want to know if Alice and the guy only talked or if anything more happened between them. I know she is your friend but she has hurt me so much. Please help me out.” Her friend agreed to set her up on a conference call. So the two of them talked while I listened to everything she had to say. She didn’t know I was on the call too. She confided in her friend that she slept with the guy right before she boarded a bus to  Accra. Had I not found out about him, she would have gone back to Takoradi right before Christmas, to do it again.

Of all the things she did to me, this one is the biggest blow. This time around, when I confronted her, she admitted it. I am a mess right now. I haven’t spoken to her since it all went down. We both wake up and go to work, and return to the same apartment, but we don’t talk to each other. What do I do right now?

–Dadzie   

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