My love journey started when I was twenty-two and in the university. The first guy I met was as sweet as cherry. He was like a male lead in a romance novel; dashing, devilishly handsome, and full of charisma. He said all the right things and showed me in grand ways that he wanted to be with me. I fell for it.
I fell so hard for him before I got to know that he had another girlfriend back home. The truth broke my heart into tiny little pieces. It hurt to let go but what would I have gained if I stayed? I carried my heavy heart and worked my way to healing. It took a long time but I finally did it.
After him, I dated a godly guy. The first one was also like that but this one carried the presence of the Holy Spirit with him wherever he went. I thought if I gave my love to the man who communed with God, my heart would be kept safe and protected from pain. That was a wrong move. When he was leaving me this was the line he used, “I want to get closer to God so I need us to break up.” Who am I to stand between a man and his God? I let him go and move on.
I was determined to take a break from love. Told myself I wouldn’t look in the direction of any man again. The only times I agreed to talk to a man was if we were friends. That’s how I started hanging out with this guy from my church. It was all in the name of friendship until we fell in love.
The way I loved him was not of this world. He was the mountain I was ready to die on. I caught him cheating on me several times but I couldn’t leave him. I was tired of starting over with someone new every time something went wrong. That’s why I kept forgiving him.
I’d sit him down and ask, “Why do you keep cheating? Am I not enough for you?” On his good days he would tell me, “It’s because I am not over my ex but I am working on it. Please bear with me.” On his bad days he would tell me, “You are perfect but I want to try other ladies.” No matter what he said or did I stayed.
I got pregnant along the line and we had a baby boy. Financially, he wasn’t present. He wouldn’t stop cheating too. I think that was when it dawned on me that he was never going to change. So I finally left him.
Once again I decided that I was done with relationships. I was focused on working and taking care of my child. Then I met this wonderful guy. I didn’t want to give him a chance at first but he proved that he was everything I needed in a man. Someone solid and reliable.
Where my baby daddy is not present and supportive, this guy is. He is very educated and has a stable job. Nothing he has done ever gave me a reason to doubt his love for me. As we well know, nobody has it all. The one thing about this guy that I have a problem with is his faith, He is not a christian.
He is an ancestral worshipper. He pours libation. Everyone around him believes and worships the smaller gods. This scares me sometimes. I wish he’d go to church. Any church at all but he strongly believes in his deities.
READ ALSO: I Thought I Knew My Husband Until I Secretly Recorded His Calls
There is a big gutter behind their house. One day he asked me not to pour water in it again. According to him, it used to be a river before it dried out. “The river goddess doesn’t like it when we pour water on her,” he warned. I wanted to ask him how he came by that information but I held my tongue. I didn’t even try to argue. I just said okay.
At the beginning of the relationship, I prayed that the Holy Spirit through me would convert him. However, every time I tried to speak to him about Christ he told me, “Don’t talk about my religion and I won’t also talk about yours. Deal?” I have accepted that I can’t change him.
What Will Happen If You Do It On The First Date?
I’m scared this is going to affect us when the time comes for us to get married. My mum knows him but I didn’t tell her anything about his faith. It’s because I know my family will not accept him if I tell them the truth. We are Christians, after all.
Honestly, I don’t know what to do about this situation. Sometimes I feel I should let him go but he is a good guy. I love him so much that the thought of losing him breaks me. I don’t want to go through yet another heartache. Should I play it safe and walk away? Or I shouldn’t let religion come between me and this beautiful soul? How do I win the battle ahead without losing the man I love?
— Nina
This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.
#SB
Now that you’ve put the cart before the horse what advice will you listen to? When he starts to do some weird things in the name of his gods, no one will ask you to leave. You’ll leave yourself. He can even use it to justify cheating, as in “my religion is not against polygamy.”
Talk to your mom about your circumstance, and act on her advice before you get in way over your head. Spirituality is a whole different dimension.
Ever heard of being “unequally yoked”????
Walk Awaayyyy!!!!
It’s looking like you’re not as grounded in your walk. You’re looking at “he’s good” and not the exhibition of the fruits of the spirit here. Madam, you already know what you want to do. We can’t advise you
Wow. So when your future children get sick- their father will head for the shrine whilst you head for church? No one can gurantee that when you marry him he will permit you to attend church freely – dont believe his promises before marriage. Even your wedding will it be officiated by a priest/ pastor? Why do you seem so desperate? Marriage is a liferime affair- think carefully about the kind of life you will lead if you marry this man.
It’s interesting how negative we are about ancestral worship and yet tolerant of non-Christian religions including Eastern religions. Indeed, we treat it as devilish and evil. It feeds on our psyche and breeds inferiority complex. You have seen the good the bad and the ugly and yet ready to let go? There are no easy choices. I’m happy he’s not interested in drawing you away from your religion and so respect his choice. At the same time, you have the greatest challenge getting society and your loved ones to live and let live.