I was in my third year at the university when I met Amos in a WhatsApp group. This was somewhere in September 2021. All my focus was on school but his charm reeled me in. His sense of humour got my attention first. He had a way of making even the most mundane things sound hilarious. Needless to say, our friendship bloomed quickly.

By July 2022, we were quite inseparable. He spoke of feelings. He spoke of love. And I fell for it. Why wouldn’t I? He was my good friend. I was sure I knew him enough to trust him with my heart.

I liked the fact that he portrayed himself as the kind of man who knew what he wanted. And the fact that he wanted me as much as I wanted him made me happy. I was sure I’d found someone special.

In December, I found out I was pregnant. I hadn’t planned for a child so I was worried and quite confused. When I broke the news to him he said, “That’s good news. Keep the pregnancy. We will have a baby to tie us together.” Just like him, I believed in us and the love we shared. I felt having the baby was a good idea.

But two months into the pregnancy, everything changed. He started withdrawing from me for no apparent reason. Phone calls became a thing of the past. Text messages were no better. I asked him several times if he was okay and he kept telling me he was fine. If he was fine then why did he stop being the man I expected him to be?

One day I asked him, “Is it something I did or said? Where did I go wrong?” All he said was, “If you don’t know by now what you’ve done then figure it out.” I was confused. As a grown man, why couldn’t he just tell me what the issue was? If he had spoken up, we could have sat down and fixed things. But he chose to feed me with his silence instead.

He stayed away from me throughout the pregnancy journey. I had to do it all alone. It was hard, I am not going to lie. The physical and emotional toll was heavy, but I held on for the sake of my baby. The thought of holding my baby in my arms was the hope that kept me going.

Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned. I went into labour in my eighth month. This was earlier than the due date. The experience was a mix of joy and pain.

I gave birth to twins. It should have been a double blessing but sadly, I lost one child. It broke my heart in ways I couldn’t imagine. Nonetheless, I found comfort in the surviving baby. A beautiful girl.

I remember when I called Amos to tell him what happened. I was hoping the news would shake him out of his nonchalance but it did not. All he said was, “I am busy right now. Let me call you back.” I waited for his call but it never came.

Out of some lingering love, or maybe immense grief, I felt having him by my side would comfort me. So I sent him a message. I didn’t expect the reply I got. This guy called me a weak woman for giving birth to premature babies. “What did you do when you were pregnant? Tell me how it happened that my baby died,” he demanded. There was no sympathy and definitely no comfort.

Despite all this, I still held out hope that he would return to me. I thought of him, especially every time I saw our daughter. I knew he didn’t want me but my stubborn heart refused to let him go. On days I missed him terribly, I called him. Of course, he never picked up nor did he return my calls.

Then in September last year, I saw a post he made that shattered me. It was a picture of another woman. I didn’t expect an answer but I asked him, “Who is she?” He replied, “That’s my girlfriend. She is the woman I plan to marry.”

I shouldn’t have had an emotional reaction to that statement but I did. I was deeply hurt to know that our relationship ended without probable cause while I was pregnant with his children. And now he had another woman.

The pain jolted me out of my daydreams and wishful thinking. That was the moment I chose to let him go. My heart still wanted him but I was determined to finally move on from him and every hope I held of us.

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Guess what? He is back. He is talking big for someone who abandoned me when I needed him the most. “I want us to be together and raise our daughter in a loving family,” he proposed. Me? Trust this man again? Never.

I haven’t stopped loving him, I won’t lie. But I have seen enough in life to understand that love alone is not enough. I need someone by my side who won’t run and hide when trouble comes knocking on our door, only to show up when the storm settles. Amos is not that person, his actions have proven that.

Three Months After Our Breakup, He Got Married

I asked him, “Where’s the woman you want to marry? Are you here because she left you? In case you don’t know, I am not your backup plan. I don’t want you back.” He probably didn’t see that coming.

Knowing him, he would try to use the baby as a way to get to me. So I have decided not to let him anywhere near the child either. He has never been a father to her so why start now? He should continue being the deadbeat father he is.

At the end of the day, this experience has taught me a valuable lesson. That no matter how much I love someone, I shouldn’t allow them to take me for granted. Love is beautiful, but it should never come at the cost of my dignity and self-worth. I didn’t know that before but I do now. The lessons were hard but I finally learned.

— Epiphania, Kenya

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