I didn’t know he was married from the beginning. He wasn’t wearing a ring or did anything to show he was married. He was nice to me until we became friends. He called at night, he asked me out often which I declined. I didn’t have reasons for declining except I was playing hard to get. He persisted until one evening I went out with him.
I got a little tipsy so when he started touching my thighs, I played along. He got flirty but I didn’t do anything to stop him. In his car after the night, he kissed me. I didn’t fight. I gave it to him willingly but that was where it ended. He didn’t propose or say anything about a relationship but all night, I found myself thinking about him.
A week later, I saw him wearing a wedding ring. I cleaned my eyes, thinking my eyes were lying to me. Several seconds later, I was still seeing the same thing. I thought he got married over the weekend when he was away. I was furious. So furious I didn’t want to talk about it or talk to him ever again but that night he came home with a friend I respect so much. I sat and listened to him apologize when I hadn’t said anything.
He had been married for nine years and had three kids. According to him, he didn’t wear a ring because it was too tight he had to send it away for it to be opened. He was jovial about it as if it was something normal. I forgave him but was determined I wasn’t going to date him because of that. After the ring issue, he became daring. He came to my place without telling me. He brought gifts, he brought good news. He brought jokes. Over time, I saw myself falling for him all over again.
He didn’t have to propose. We just took it from where we left off the night we went out. His wife and kids were out of town so he had time for me. I only had to tell him where I wanted to go and he would take me. I fell deeper and deeper until I saw myself pushing single men away because I convinced myself I had a boyfriend. It wasn’t all rosy with him but I managed. He would travel to visit his family and all week I wouldn’t hear from him. He won’t even answer my text messages.
I would break up with him in my head but immediately he returned from his family, all the anger in me would dissipate like ice before the hot weather. We did this for a year and a half. We grew from strength to strength. I didn’t care about introducing him to my friends as my boyfriend though he was wearing a gleaming ring on his finger. I didn’t care about the eyes they gave me and the condescending tone with which they spoke to me. I was in love and nothing could stop me.
He traveled to see his family and again he didn’t talk to me for two weeks while he was there. I was angry and determined to break up with him. When he came back, he didn’t come to see me. It took a friend to tell me he was in town. I quickly rushed to his place to fight him but the kind of mood I found him in took all my energy away.
He was dull and deflated. He didn’t welcome me with the usual smile and was moody when he saw me. I toned down and asked what the issue was. He spent all evening telling me he was fine until he later confessed, “My wife knows about us.”
“How? What happened? Did you accidentally mention us in your conversations?”
He didn’t talk about the how but he talked about how his life was going to be a mess if his wife decided to get a divorce. I was tempted to say, “I will be here when she’s gone” but I realized it wasn’t a good time to say that. I sat next to him, watched him switch from one mood to another. When I asked what we were going to do, he told me to give him some space until he was able to restore calm in his house.
It wasn’t easy but I cut down contact with him. I didn’t call or visit until he called or visited. That didn’t happen often until it didn’t happen at all. I was worried for him. I knew how colourful he was so looking at him fade to black and white really affected me. I wish I could save him or save his marriage. I was ready to do everything to save his marriage if only it would bring back the happiness we once had. He wasn’t willing to tell me anything concerning his home so I took the back seat.
One evening I had a call. The woman on the other side introduced herself as the wife of the man I was sleeping with. She wasn’t angry or confrontational. She said, “You’re sharing my man but that’s not the issue here. I just want you to give me some answers. Did you know Simon was married?”
I cut the call and quickly called Simon. While on the phone with Simon, he told me, “Cut the call, my wife is calling.” Minutes later, he called back. While talking with him, I heard a call coming through my line. I checked and it was his wife. I told him his wife was calling. He asked me not to answer. I wasn’t going to answer anyway.
After the call, I realized she had sent me a message. She asked me, “Did you know he was married before you started dating him or he hid it from you? That’s all I want to know from you. I’ll stop chasing you if you answer me.”
I forwarded the question to Simone and asked him what I should do. He told me, “Tell her you knew about it. No, tell her you didn’t. You, it’s OK, don’t say anything.”
I did as he said.
His wife kept bothering me. When I didn’t answer her calls she texted. When I didn’t text back she called. Simon went home and again, stopped talking to me. When his wife texted, I responded, “I don’t want to be involved in this drama. Kindly handle everything with him and leave me out of it. Yes, I didn’t know he was married until it was too late.”
Several minutes later, Simon called asking why I lied. I could hear the voice of his wife in the background shouting, “It’s over. You think I’m a fool. How many more do you have? Liar. Murderer!”
I told Simon, “I didn’t lie. I’m sorry for everything but I told her what the truth is.”
Simon blocked me. His wife too. I was left standing alone like a tree. A week later, I spoke to Simon’s friend and he told me their marriage was definitely over.
Now I’m here feeling guilty, carrying the burden of the woman who put asunder what God has put together. Simon hasn’t been in town since then. It’s been a month already and not being able to talk to him makes my situation very bad. I feel terrible. I saw his ring and still went into it. Now see what I’ve caused.
Six Years Later, He Called To Tell Me He Was Getting Married
I don’t want a relationship with him again. I just want his home restored so he would be happy again. If that doesn’t happen, I don’t know how I’m going to deal with it mentally and emotionally. I would be drained thinking about everything that went wrong because of me. I’m not a bad girl. I’ve never hurt a fly in my life. It’s love or whatever it was that carried me away.
—Suzz
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My dear easy on yourself, put your self together and move on you can not take all the blame because you didn’t propose to him he did or did he forget he was married because he wasn’t wearing his ring? A faithful man will be faithful to his wife with or without his ring, in town or out of town. But your little error is you should have backed out when you found out that he was married. He has to take all the responsibilities of his actions and bear all the consequences, he cheated on his wife he must bear. You told the truth and that’s it. He was not even sincere with you from the beginning so dear, you did not wreck his marriage he did himself. Forget about them and move on with your life but please next time watch before you leap. If you enjoy dating people’s husbands someone will kill you for free or karma will come after you. Get your self a single man and be happy.
No one is proven innocent until he or she is found guilty. Therefore you guys are guilty. You can only restore calm by being truthful to his wife. You have her number so why don’t you call her if indeed you regret it and want to have nothing to do with him no more. Remember what goes round comes round. People of today don’t understand the word love. Today’s love is full of selfishness,deceit,greed. True love is the one found in the bible. Women are supposed to protect and defend their fellow women but its rather the opposite. It’s sad it has to come to this .You know the right thing do it if you have the fear of God in you.
I go fully with Mina. A married man who hides his ring in order to fuck you is a cheat. If their marriage was strong, cheating will not come in at all. Or they could have overcome the storm of cheating once.