It got to a time my husband started doing poorly in life. Nothing he touched worked, even gold turned to dust with just a simple touch from him.  We were suffering economically and it started to show in the lives of our two beautiful kids. I was working very hard to change the tides but my hands were not large enough to cover the eyes of the almighty. I couldn’t do much and he couldn’t do much about our situation. Times like this call for critical thinking so I called him and asked, “What are we not doing right? What can we do to make our situation better? It’s been going down for a while now. 

He said, “It’s about time we made some sacrifices. For the sake of our kids, let’s cut down on certain lifestyles and see how far that would help.” We started doing just that. A lot of things were cut down though they were not things you may refer to as comfortable living. We tried that for months and still, nothing worked. Our situation kept getting deplorable by day. Out of nowhere, he said, “Maybe things will change if I travel out of this country. I know people who took that route and it worked for them. Maybe I should try it too.” 

It made a lot of sense so we started putting in the effort to see him travel out of the country. The plan was simple, he would leave first to prepare the grounds for us. I will then join him, and work hard with him by my side until things get better for us to bring in the kids. It was a simple plan that didn’t need any technicalities to work. We just had to play our parts well to make it work.

We started looking for ways and means to finance his travel. I went into my account and scrapped everything in there and gave it to him. Obviously, that wasn’t enough. We sold what ought to be sold and asked who we could ask help from. We gathered enough and he added what he had in his savings. We spoke to the right people and got the right link so travelling outside wasn’t all that difficult. Everything worked according to plan so one beautiful day, he picked up his bags and baggage, said goodbye to us and left the country. That day, I bowed my head and prayed to God, “God, you know our sufferings but most importantly, you know our plans. We may make our plans but you have the final say. Say yes to everything and make this plan work out for our good.”  

It wasn’t easy When he first arrived in the USA. It got to a point I had to send him pennies and dimes before he could feed. I knew the dream and I knew also that in his appointed time, he would make everything beautiful. It didn’t take so long for my husband to start finding his ground. He started sending us money. He called every day to make sure that we were fine. When we talked on the phone, I didn’t want to hang up because I missed him so much. When I finally dropped the call, I would look up and say, “It had to be you, God.” 

My husband has been in the USA for years now and he hadn’t changed a bit. He calls to talk to me and talks to the kids too. He still provides for our needs. We are not with him over there but we know his day-to-day activities. He shares every aspect of his life and experience with us. We also do the same with him so he doesn’t miss out on our special moments. 

We are doing all these with our initial plans at the back of our minds. Things are getting better so my husband started the process to send me over to the USA. He gave me the contact of the lawyer in charge of the travel so I’m working with that lawyer and we talk from time to time. For some time now, things have stalled. Nothing seems to be going the way we expected. The lawyer doesn’t know why and my husband can’t also offer any tangible explanation as to why my visa application keeps getting rejected. When I talk to him about it he tells me, “Don’t worry, things would be OK very soon.” I believe in his words so I’m always patient with him.

The other day I received a call from a USA number. The caller was a young woman. When I picked up the call her first question was, “What’s your relationship with Eddy?” I was caught off-guard. “How could a stranger call and ask such a question? What’s her motivation?” It looks like she sensed my confusion through the way I was breathing through the phone so she said, “I looked through his phone and saw your number in his call log. It looks like you’re the only person he talks to that often.” 

I answered calmly, “ I’m the one he talks to because he’s my husband. He talks to me and talks to his kids—two of them. Is there any problem?” She answered, “Yes there’s a problem. If Eddy is your husband then I don’t know what makes me because I’ve been with him since October last year. We live like a married couple because that’s what we would be in the near future.” It felt like she was teasing me so I laughed sarcastically. I didn’t even believe her. I said, “The Eddy I know won’t do this. Maybe you’ve mistaken. Go back and check again to be sure that you’re talking to the right person.” 

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After our conversation, she sent me photos and videos of herself and my husband together. She asked, “Is this not your Eddy?” I couldn’t believe my eyes. She said, “I’ve confronted him about you and he denied having anything to do with you. He told me he is not married and he doesn’t have any children. He has been pressuring me to give him a child so what are you telling me?” 

My husband in bed with another woman? What’s happening? Why does it feel like my world is coming to an end? I started connecting the dots backwards. Whenever Eddy calls me he sounds sad and lonely. He tells me, “Everything would have been perfect if you and the kids were here with me.” I always encourage him to hang in there and keep praying. How can a sad and lonely man pressure another woman to give him a child? For what?” 

I have asked the lady not to tell him about our conversation. I want to know how long he intends to keep up with the charade. I want to know his endgame. How is he going to deal with that woman when my visa finally goes through and I join him there? Or the woman is the reason they keep rejecting my visa? Maybe immigration got to know that the man I’m going to live with is already living with another woman. It could be the reason things are not progressing the way they should be. 

These days when he calls me I burn with anger. His deception is too much for me to bear. I don’t know how long I can hold myself back from confronting him. A part of me wants to tell him about everything I know and give him a chance to come clean so that we can work things out. The next part of me wants to play his game until I get the chance to join him there and catch him red-handed, then file for a divorce. 

I don’t know which of the voices to listen to. I don’t know which choice is the right one. At the end of the day, I want to do what is best for the innocent children caught up in this mess. Please I need your advice on this one.

–Sophia

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