My husband and I were introduced by a mutual friend in 2013. I had just finished my WASSCE. I had some time on my hands so we talked a lot. The more we talked the closer we became and the deeper I fell in love with him.

He proposed to me at some point and I accepted. Ove makes everything perfect and so we were. Being in a relationship got me closer to him enough to notice one thing he was hiding from me while we were friends; His drinking problem. I didn’t keep quiet about it because I was concerned. I told him, “I am not comfortable with the amount of alcohol you consume in a day. You have to work on it before it puts you into problems. He responded, “I am not comfortable with it too. I’m in the process of quitting. A step at a time so please give me a little time.”

I believed him and continued to stay with him.

We didn’t date for too long. He knew what he wanted and I also knew what he wanted. We found what we needed in each other so we got married after dating for a short while. I don’t know but I had mixed feelings about the whole thing. I was hopeful about the future and at the same time anxious. The present scared me a little but I wasn’t ready to give up before we even start.  Yes, I was afraid for my husband. He didn’t quit drinking as he promised. If anything, he got worse instead.

Every time I talked to him about it, he gave me the same answer, “I am quitting, just give me some time.” I was patient with him. I tried not to complain. I constantly prayed for him. I was looking to God for solutions I expected from my husband. I was trusting God to cause a change in him.

When I was pregnant with our first child, I attended a friend’s wedding and came back home to see my husband drunk to a stupor. Looking at the rate he was going, I feared he might drink himself to death so I called his brother immediately; “Please, if you are not busy come to our place right now. Come and see what your brother is doing.” His brother showed up with lightning speed.

I said, “Please look at the state your brother is in. Do you see what I’ve been dealing with since we got married? This is how he drinks all the time. Please talk some sense into his head before he ends up in a bad place.”

That day I saw a part of my husband I never knew existed. He got livid and started hurling insults at me; “You are a devilish woman. How dare invite my brother into this? Do you want to come between me and my brother?” Then he turned to his brother, “If you ever allow this woman to bring division between us, I will kill you, I swear.” He was so drunk he couldn’t pull himself together.

For the first time since I met him, I felt unsafe in his presence. I wasn’t going to wait until he hurts me so I packed a small bag and left for my mother’s house. I stayed there until his mother started calling me and pleading with me to go back. I listened to my in-law and eventually returned to my husband. You would think he would regret his actions and change but no. Instead, he acted like he was the victim. At this point in our marriage, the only form of abuse I hadn’t suffered in his hands was physical abuse. I’ve been on my knees in prayer, interceding for him and our marriage but I am yet to see the hand of God in our lives.

He rarely stays at home. He always has an “important” meeting he cannot miss. I remember recently our second child fell ill. My husband said he had to attend a family meeting so he left the house. The sight of the crying baby did not move him to cancel his plans. I felt so helpless. I took the baby to the hospital and drugs were prescribed.  I used up all my money but still couldn’t buy everything. My husband refused to give me money to buy the one medication I couldn’t buy. Even when I shared tears, he refused to give me money. He old rather buy booze than help his sick child.

As I write this, I’m pregnant with our third child and I am on admission at the hospital. What brought me to the hospital?

This past weekend, he took the kids out for a hangout and returned with a bottle of sobolo. Two days later, the sobolo was still in the fridge, untouched. I assumed he bought it for the kids so I drank it with chips. When I got to the bottom of the bottle I saw some left-over herbs there. I thought the sobolo was not properly sieved so I didn’t give it much thought.

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A few minutes after I finished consuming the sobolo, I started feeling uncomfortable. It started with dizziness and then a pounding headache and later graduated to body weakness. I tried to sleep it off but I couldn’t. I was in the washroom when my mother remarked “Don’t you think the way you’re feeling has something to do with the sobolo you took?”

When my husband got home later that day I asked him, “The sobolo you kept in the fridge, where did you get it from?” He answered, “A friend gave it to me. Why do you ask? I hope you haven’t drunk it.”  I said, “I have. Did you put something in it?” His response was, “You have to sleep. You’ll be fine.” I asked again, “What was in the sobolo?” He said, “Weed. What you found at the bottom was weed residue.” My heart skipped a beat. A pregnant woman drinking weed-infused sobolo? What if I gave to the kids? I didn’t know what was going to happen to me so I asked him to take me to the hospital. He shook his head and asked me, “If I take you to the hospital I will be in trouble. What would I tell them if they ask what you took? Just sleep it off. You’ll be fine”

He didn’t take me to the hospital. It was my mother and some taxi driver who brought me here. I’m fine. The drink didn’t cause any havoc but I’m scared. This is a man I’m praying for to stop drinking. The drinking hasn’t stopped yet he’s adding more vices. I put up with his alcoholism and abuse, now that he’s adding weed, how Am I going to survive?

I don’t know if I should keep praying and trusting God to work on him, or I should just walk away before things get worse. Please advise me.

–Mae

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Photo: Pregnant doctor photo created by DCStudio – www.freepik.com