Four months into our relationship two women fought me over him. One of them came to his house to meet me there. I don’t know if he double-booked us for the night and didn’t notice it or if the other lady decided to pay him a surprise visit and got surprised by my presence there. The moment she saw she started shouting insults at me. I also didn’t want to stand by and have her insult me over a man so I insulted her back. She got so angry that she wanted to hit me. Luckily, Peter’s friend was also there. So he held her back while Peter also held me back.
After the angry woman left, I wanted to leave too. However, I couldn’t leave because of the time. It was too late in the night for me to get a car to my place. So I had to sleep at his end despite my displeasure. I tried to address the fact that another girl fought with me because of him, but he was as mute as a dumb person. His silence was everything I needed to know. He was either cheating on me or on her and got caught. Right before we went to bed he got a text. His phone was within my reach so I took it and looked at the person texting him so late in the night. It was another girl.
The text read, “Hey, are you up?” I took the phone and replied to the girl, “No, he is sleeping. This is his girlfriend. What do you want?” The girl’s next response was an insult. I also insulted her. We exchanged insults on his WhatsApp until he saw me and took the phone from me. “Two girls in one night?” I asked him, “How did I not know that you are a community hoe until now? It doesn’t even matter anymore because I am done with this relationship.” I had really purposed in my heart not to have anything to do with him anymore. One thing I cannot tolerate is a cheat.
In his attempt to calm me, he said, “I understand that you are angry now so you are saying things you don’t mean. Let’s talk more rationally about this in the morning.” I was still too angry to speak to him so I slept. The next morning he asked if I was sick. I felt fine so said no. “Are you sure? Because last night your body was very warm.” I panicked when he said that. You see, I hadn’t seen my period the entire month. I always took precautions to prevent pregnancy so I didn’t think I could be pregnant. However, his comment about my temperature got me worried. So I asked him to go to the pharmacy and get me a test kit.
We took the test and it was positive. I was more than terrified. This is a man I was planning to leave. Now, I had to have his baby? After I had time to process things, I was slightly happy that I was going to be a mother. But I was also very sad because of the circumstances around the pregnancy. One thing that surprised me was Peter’s response to everything. He stepped up and took good care of me, and he still does. The moment I say, “I am having cravings,” he is out the door to get me whatever I want.
When I was four months along, he suggested I move in with him. I didn’t want to do it but I am glad I did. Living with him revealed so much about him. Peter would go out and not return home. He wouldn’t communicate with me. And if I pushed him to talk to me we would end up arguing. And I must say, we were always quarrelling. We were making plans to get married after the birth of the baby but after everything I saw I told myself, “I can’t marry this guy. I can’t imagine raising our child in this kind of home. I will leave him after I give birth.”
When I was due to have the baby, I packed all my stuff and went to live with my parents. My intention was to never return to his place. I wasn’t even gone for long before he brought another woman to come and live with him. In my heart, I was done with the relationship so that didn’t bother me. I just focused on taking care of myself and getting everything ready for the arrival of the baby.
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I thought I had seen it all until I had the baby. Peter started behaving like an angel who dropped down from heaven. He was the perfect father and the best baby daddy. Everyone sang his praises. I was so surprised by his behaviour that I told my family, “The way this guy is acting is just a fraction of who he is. Stop treating him like a hero. You have no idea the horrible things he did when I was living with him.” No matter how many times I described Peter’s womanizing and emotionally abusive ways to them they didn’t believe me. In the end, I even became a bad person. They said I was stirring up trouble where there was none. “God has given you such a good man, and instead of holding him tightly, you are denting his image. Stop that,” the elders said.
When the baby was four months old, Peter started pestering me to move back with him. I knew who he was so I refused. You should see him apologizing. “I know I made some mistakes but that’s all in the past. I am a father now so I don’t live irresponsibly anymore. I have changed, I swear.” Everyone who heard him was touched. They put in a good word for him. So I moved in with him again. For the first two weeks, things were perfect. He truly seemed like a new man. The third week saw Peter behaving like the man I left. The weeks that followed that was pure hell.
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We would quarrel until our neighbours step in to resolve the issue. I hated it when that happened so sometimes I would hold my tongue when he is shouting at me. Instead of him taking a cue from my silence he wouldn’t. He would rather say the most hurtful things to me. When it becomes too much for me to bear, I lose my cool and start insulting him back. Then we would escalate into screaming voices until our neighbours step in.
The cycle continued for two months. The constant fighting always left me feeling sad and heavy-hearted. So one day I packed my things and moved to my grandmother’s house. Now, he won’t leave me alone. He has gone to speak to everyone who matters to me and asked them to beg me on his behalf. They are all telling me to go back to him. My pastor is even part of the people who are advising me to return to his house. As for my parents, their concern is that I will have kids with different fathers. So they have asked me not to leave him. My peace of mind does not seem to matter to them. I am so depressed because of how everyone is behaving. Am I wrong for leaving such a toxic situation? How do I convince everyone to take my side in this?
–Pretty
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Did I hear u say u are depressed because everyone is asking u to go back? If u want ti be more depressed and loose ur sanity go back n leave with him. I tot ur pastor shd rather be on the guy to perform ur marraiage rights n asking u to go back n leave with him as wat? “baby daddy”? If u go fit carry, den go back.
I don’t think you need to convince anyone about anything. you need to have a healthy mental state for you and your kid. everyone wants to be loved and appreciated, if you ain’t getting that from him, my dear live your life. This guy sounds like he doesn’t need you and takes you for an idiot.
Stand firm. It’s your life and no one else can appreciate it better. The challenge we have is that we have elevated marriage to the status of spiritual salvation, especially for women. This has forced many women to endure toxic relationships and lead miserable lives. Thankfully, you’re not even married to him. So stand firm. When everyone sees your resolve they will back off and let you be.
My dear your sanity is more important. Your peace matters. You should go and live somewhere that no one can have access to except a friend you can count on or maybe a sibling . Don’t answer anyone’s call. With time, they’ll get used to you not going back to your baby daddy. Don’t let anyone push you around. Cos in the end, you matter most. Every other person is a secondary matter
Move on and live your life. Your happiness and sanity comes first. Let them talk they will get tired eventually. Always remember a leopard never changes it’s spot. Once a cheat Always a cheat. Stand firm in all you do. Good luck.
Pretty is your name but I bet you, you are going to look ugly if you should go back to him.
Focus on yourself than you listening to all those who are not in your shoes. Your pastor should have encouraged you to stay away from him till you guys gets married. Leave and maintain your sanity. All the best.
You want him to submit to you but its the other way round and from you story, you seem to be a talkative and a person who cant control yourself.
Learn to talk when its only necessary and respect him as a husband
He is a good man but you seem to be the one bring out the devil in him