He came into my life in 2019. Tall, dark, muscular—the kind of guy who looks like he stepped out of a perfume advert.

We weren’t even in a real relationship. It was one of those situationships—you know, the modern-day purgatory where you’re not single but you’re also not together. They give you just enough to keep you hooked but not enough to call it love. Unfortunately for me, I fell for it. I ignored the red flags, the pain, and the way he treated me like an afterthought.

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When the time came for him to break me, he did it slowly. Not all at once, no—that would’ve been kinder. It was slow and deliberate. By the time it was over, I was in pieces, scattered across the floor of my own heart.

Looking back, he’s the only one I ever loved but he broke me into pieces. I didn’t stay on the floor where he left me. I got up and worked on myself through tears and pain. I know my worth now. I don’t tolerate bad treatment anymore. I think I’m stronger now.

Here’s the problem: something inside me still feels broken. My body only seems to respond to guys who look like my ex. The nice guys—The ones who are emotionally safe, kind, and actually want to build something real are rejected by my body. No spark. No chemistry. Just friendly vibes. Two weeks and I’m referring to them as a brother or a friend.

I’ve dated only two guys in five years. They didn’t feel right because they didn’t come in the shape of my ex. And honestly, It’s exhausting. I don’t want the emotionally unavailable guys, but my body doesn’t seem to get the memo. It’s like my heart and my head are in a constant tug-of-war. My heart wants the bad guys. My heart says no.

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How do I break this cycle? How do I rewire my heart and body to feel attracted to healthier people? Has anyone else been through this? Chasing the kind of men who look like her ex? How did you hack your way out of it?

—Barbie

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