I’m a trained teacher who got married to another teacher somewhere in 2020. Two months into the marriage, my husband posted a photo of his ex-girlfriend on his WhatsApp status. He wrote a lot of lovely things about her. If I wasn’t married to him I would have assumed they were a couple. He also announced that he was the first person to call her and wish her a happy birthday. I asked him why he did that and he answered, “An ex is never an enemy.” In hindsight, I shouldn’t have taken that statement lightly. It should have warned me of woes to come.

It didn’t start until I gave birth to our first daughter. I saw a chat on his phone. They posted a lady to teach in their school around that time. She was the one he was chatting with. I saw her telling him not to go to church. She suggested he meet her instead so they could spend time together. Because of that, this man didn’t go to church.

When I showed him screenshots of the chat and asked, “What’s going on between you?” He insulted me and called me horrible names. He even used all the things he did for me when I was in labour to insult me. I felt bad for myself. I wouldn’t have believed it if someone had told me my husband would turn out this way.

Somehow, I managed to move on from all that. They posted another lady to their school. This one was younger and was at the primary school. My husband is at the JHS school but he found a way to get close to this lady. When I asked questions he said, “She looks small so the male students have been disturbing her with love proposals. When it bothers her she calls me to talk about it.” I didn’t believe him entirely but I learned some lessons from the last time. I had confronted him hastily without proper evidence so he turned it around and made me the bad person. This time around, I decided to wait. And it paid off.

I went through his phone one day and saw their messages. I followed the conversation religiously until I got to a part that shocked me to the core. My husband told this lady, I was ordained to pound you very well to feel good in bed.” Then he asked her for a sexy photo. So much happened that I don’t want to bore you with.

I took screenshots of the chats and sent them to my phone. I made sure I left the screenshots in my chat with him so he would know I knew.

The next day when I went to check their messages, my husband had gone to tell the girl, “Everything I say to you is a joke but I know if my wife comes across this chat, she would take it seriously.” The lady laughed and affirmed that it was all a joke. I knew it was just a mind game he was playing with me so I decided to stop reading their chats.

Later, when he saw that I had withdrawn he admitted that he had an affair with her. He said he didn’t mean to. He was on his knees begging for another chance to do things better. I wasn’t sure he would truly change but I chose to forgive him regardless. To prove to me that he was truly done with her, he deleted her number.

Along the line, I was going through his phone when I saw a number saved as NDG. Out of curiosity, I checked out their chat and realized that it was the same lady he cheated with. I asked him about it only to receive insults.

By 2023, he was a different man. I couldn’t even recognize who he was anymore. If he received a phone call, he would either use a headset or run to hide in the toilet.

I was there when he came to tell me he had a confession to make. I urged him to go on. This man said, “Ever since we moved to this place, a strange lady comes to sleep with me in my dreams. I didn’t know her in real life until recently. She is our landlord’s cousin.” That girl seemed too young to be causing havoc in my husband’s dreams but I listened to him.

He said ever since he started having those dreams, he has had strange desires to date small girls. “This thing has pushed me to propose to one of my JHS 1 students. I haven’t slept with her but the kind of chats we’ve had don’t look good. And her father saw them. I need you to stand by me in case this issue turns into public humiliation.” I was supposed to be shocked by this but after everything I had seen, I wasn’t.

Before he even came to me with that confession, I received a call from a teenage girl one day. The girl told me, “Madam please your husband is in a relationship with my friend. So I am calling to inform you.” I asked the girl if she could be with my witness but she said no. I didn’t confront him then but it all made sense after he made his confession. I knew it must have been that girl’s friend.

It was difficult for me to accept and process that my husband had now stooped low to dating minors. Nonetheless, I chose to stand by him and help do damage control.

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My concern is, that this wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. He had a past student who used to come around to help us on weekends. She stopped coming around after she completed high school but my husband kept in touch with her.

One time I read their messages and found things I didn’t expect to see in a conversation between a teacher and his student. He told the girl, “I miss you,” and added love emojis to it. He then asked the girl for a sexy photo. She sent it to him. It was around 11:30 PM. When I asked him why he was having such conversations with someone he once taught, he asked; “So if I miss my student I shouldn’t tell her?” I had to let the matter slide for the sake of peace. Only to deal with something worse later: his involvement with that JHS 1 child.

I Saw The Red Flags But I Ignored Them Until I Paid The Price

Currently, he has gotten worse. He doesn’t even go to church anymore. The young lady he claims sleeps with him in his dreams now fights with me the slightest chance she gets. You would think she has something against me.

My question now is, what do I do with my husband? I have involved our families but it didn’t yield any results. Our church elders also stepped in but they couldn’t help. I need serious advice. Is this marriage worth holding on to? It’s not as if he takes care of our kids. When we got married, he said he had three different loans to pay off. So I have been the one taking care of the home till now. How long do I have to keep being a dutiful man to a man like this?

—Lilian

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