I have been around long enough to know enough about men. I have seen mischievous ones who enjoy doing crazy stuff for attention. I have seen diabolical ones who enjoy toying with women’s emotions just because it makes them feel powerful. Liars, manipulators, gaslighters, abusers, name them. I know there are monstrosities out there parading in the skin of men.
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Of course, not all of these are my experiences. I have seen things people go through in relationships and marriages. The marriage ones especially frighten me. That’s why my number one prayer topic is that I end up with a good man.
I don’t know much in life but I know a good man when I see one. Alfred is one of them. At first, I thought he was pretending to be one of the good ones just to earn my trust and get close to me. I took my slow time letting him into my life because of this.
Now I know that he hasn’t been pretending. I have not regretted accepting him into my life as my boyfriend. Alfred is such a wonder. He is so loving and committed to us.
I have monitored him. I have put him through a few tests. So far I am sure that I am the only woman he has eyes for. His kindness is also another thing I don’t take for granted. He is not swimming in wealth but he has shown me that he is a provider.
I am also doing something for myself so I know financially the two of us would do okay should we end up married.
He lives with his parents currently but that’s not a problem for me. He is a graduate who works as a teacher at the moment but I don’t mind that either. I know he is making plans to return to school to pursue his Master’s degree and that would bring better opportunities. So it would all work out.
My only problem with this guy is that I don’t love him. I have tried everything possible to coax the love but it’s proving as hard as squeezing juice from a cactus.
I think of all the good things he does. No man has ever been this intentional about me, I remind myself. I thought if I dwell on these things enough, I would feel a flutter in my heart for him. So far all my feelings have only been platonic. When we talk, I tell him sweet and lovely things. “I love you so much that sometimes it hurts my heart,” I would tell him.
I was certain if I said them more often, I would start to feel those things. It hasn’t worked so far.
There are days I am convinced I feel something for him but the moment I see him everything disappears. I am going to be honest and just say that I don’t find him physically appealing one bit. His head is big, and his face isn’t exactly a sight for sore eyes. Don’t get me started on his teeth. The upper denture is scattered.
I know he is not responsible for what he looks like but what about his dressing? He can present himself in a way that is appealing even if his looks can’t give him that. Yet Alfred cannot be bothered to put efforts into acquiring a good fashion sense. All of this makes it hard for me to show him off to the people in my life. I don’t even feel proud walking next to him if we are in the midst of people.
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I don’t know what else I can do to make myself fall in love with him. He tells me I am the first lady he has ever committed to. So I am careful not to do or say anything to hurt him.
I feel strongly that if I manage to make this relationship work, life with him will be nothing short of bliss. This is why I am holding on to him despite my feelings. What do you advise I do? I don’t want to let him go and end up regretting losing a good man.
—Michaela
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You don’t want peace, you want vauwlence!
Love can’t be forced or manufactured. Move on.
Michaela most of the things you complain about are about appearance. That can ne fixed gradually. Fashion is easy. Take money from him to buy him the clothes you want him to wear and tell him how excited it makes you when he wears them. That man adores you, so he will wear them for you. And when he does, exaggerate about how good he looks. He would want that all the time and begin to do do more about it himself.
His teeth can also be fixed. His big head de3, that one na your own.
The thing about men is they get more handsome as they age. As they get money, begin to dress well, smell good and eat well, they look much better.
Kofi Amoabeng of UT Bank said he always had such a big head when growing up and he knew he wasn’t good looking. When he began making money, started eating well, smelling well and living good, his name changed to handsome. Now he was being called handsome all over.
Anyway, you can try that.
But if not, let him be for someone who can appreciate him be with him.
Stop storing the pain for this good man. Back out and leave him for a good deserving woman to clasp to her heart.
You can’t eat ur cake and have it
Being good isn’t enough indeed. Love is patient and nurturing. Please go for your spec so that someone who is patient and kind like him and will learn to love meet him . In this life who you will end up in marriage is really crucial not the wedding. Someone like him will raise good ,humble and kind kinds despite his looks because he has a kind heart and mind. Not all that glitters is gold.
Marriage isnt about just love the feeling. Sometimes that disappears after a few years. Look for a story about the woman who realized she loved her husband when he was admitted to hospital during lockdown. That being said somethings you can change his dress you can change his smell you can change his teeth there are braces for that…. the head nawao abi girl you be by yourself on that but dont deny yourself a good man simply because he doesnt look appealing is his character right? That is wat you should be after
His head is big, etc.
Leave him alone!