I have two girlfriends. The first one is Lois. She is young and beautiful. I fell in love with her right from the moment I saw her. By then she was in her final year in high school. Before I proposed love to her, I expected her to tell me, “Oh, I am not ready for a relationship. I want to focus on school for now.” It would have been understandable if she said this. However, I still went ahead and took my chances.

Luckily, it worked in my favour. She didn’t turn me away. She accepted my proposal and we started something beautiful. She told me, “My parents live in Accra but I live with my aunt over here because of school.” This meant she would eventually return to her parents after school. I thought about how it would affect the dynamics of our relationship but I didn’t mind.

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Where there is a will, there is a way. Or in my own words, where there is love there is a way. “So we will find a way to be together come whatever distance may come between us,” I said to myself.

After she completed school, she stayed at home with her aunt for two weeks. Then she packed her stuff and moved back to Accra to be with her parents.

The thing I was anxious about happened. Not that I didn’t know that it was inevitable. We spoke about our future and the plan was for us to keep the love alive. “We can make it work,” I said to her, “all we need is an open line of communication.” She agreed. That’s one of the things I like about her. She shows she loves me by listening to me.

I love her very much. I don’t doubt her love for me either. We’ve had our fair share of misunderstandings but no matter what, we are always respectful toward each other. We show grace when it’s necessary, and in the absence of that, we tolerate each other. However, our differences only clash once in a while. So we don’t get into a lot of fights.

On our good days, we are very lovely together. You would see us and say, “I want some of what they have.” Especially when you see the way Lois treats me. She is kind, caring, and handles me with maturity and intelligence.

She is exactly the type of woman I want to marry. I believe her soft and nurturing personality will also make her a good mother to my children should I end up with her.

The only thing that makes me feel I am standing on shaky ground when it comes to her is the way she behaves sometimes when we fight. When the fight lasts for weeks or months, she would keep her options open and start exploring possibilities with other men.

She is not someone who likes to be alone. So she has gone as far as giving chances to some of these guys. When we reconciled and I complained she would tell me, “I was lonely and his presence helped me cope.” This behaviour makes me believe that she is likely to cheat on me. Especially, if we fight and we don’t talk for a while.

I don’t have the same trust issues when it comes to my second girlfriend, Pearl. She is someone I had a crush on before I even met Lois. The only reason I didn’t start dating her earlier was because of her schedule. For some reason, she wasn’t stable in the neighbourhood.

I would see her around and plan how to approach her. Only for her to travel away right before I could make my move. This kept happening until Lois came along. So I took my mind off her and gave my all to Lois.

Over six months into my relationship with Lois, we got into a fight and didn’t talk for two months. It was at that time that Pearl was settled in our neighbourhood. I started talking to her then.

I didn’t know where I was going with it at first but slowly, I won her heart. Getting to know her and being with her has been amazing. She’s submissive, respectful, brilliant, very hardworking, and a go-getter. Besides all these amazing traits, she happens to be a virgin. It’s another thing I love about her.

We’ve been together for almost a year now but we haven’t done it. And I respect her choice to wait until marriage. If anything, it makes me trust that she won’t cheat on me.

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She is a good woman. She has been very supportive since the relationship began. She cooks for me, with money from her own pockets. Sometimes she also gives me money although I have never asked her for it. These random acts of kindness have intensified my love for her.

Just like Lois, Pearl is also the kind of woman I would like to marry. My only problem with her is the way she gets angry easily. Every little thing annoys her. And when it does, she would avoid me until I reach out and insist we talk. I don’t know if she behaves this way because she is an introvert, or if I am the one who easily gets on her nerves.

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Before you misunderstand me, I am not looking for perfection in either of the women. That would be hypocritical of me, considering that I myself am not perfect. I just don’t know which one’s flaw I can accommodate in the long term.

I need help making a choice so I can narrow my options down to one woman. I am not happy with the fact that I am lying to and leading on two beautiful women. At least if I focus on one, the other one can have the freedom to find a man they can also call their own. So my question is, looking at everything I have said about these women, which of them should I choose?

—Jay

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