We are planning on getting married but I haven’t heard from him in almost a week now. I have called him several times but he hasn’t returned even one of my calls. I have sent him a series of WhatsApp text messages but he has not responded to any of them. As it stands now, I don’t know the state of our relationship.

I am so surprised that a man who worshipped the ground on which I walked, has changed terribly just because he has gotten a job and no longer needs my financial support. Maybe he will say he didn’t change because of money, but what else could be the reason?

When we started dating, I was in my final year at the university while working. He was unemployed. He didn’t have anything to hold him up financially. I became that support for him. I believed in him when even he didn’t believe things would eventually work out. I did not hold back when I extended my generosity to him. I didn’t earn much but it didn’t matter. I shared whatever little I could gather with him. You know, when you love someone, you would give them the sun even if burns you to chaff in the process.

By and by, he was posted to the Brong Ahafo region as a senior high school teacher. “That place is too far,” he complained, “I won’t go. I will just wait for another opportunity.” I was the one who encouraged him; “Please, go. Working in a faraway region is better than doing nothing. A lot of people applied for the job but you are among the selected few. It only means this is your opportunity. Let’s be grateful to God for his goodness.”

When he finally agreed to go, he still needed money to buy the things that would make his stay there bearable. That one too, I was the one who gave him the money to buy everything he needed to use in the kitchen, and groceries. He found a way to buy his other essentials.

When he started working, they didn’t start paying him at the end of the month. So I had to send him money every month to keep him going. I did this until he received his salary. The first thing he said to me was, “Because you’ve been helpful to me, I want to send you some money so you can buy some things for yourself.” He then asked how much he should be giving me at the end of every month.

I was grateful that he thought to give me money. I was happy that my man was the kind who would reciprocate kindness. It was not about the money for me so I told him, “While I am thankful that you want to give me a monthly allowance, I don’t know your budget so I can’t quote an amount for you. Just look at your strength and do what you can. Whatever it is, I will appreciate it.”

When the salary came, he gave me an amount of money that was not up to what he promised me. I drew his attention to it and he told me, “I will give it to you next month.” The month ended, and another one began yet this guy didn’t give me the money. The new month too ended and we entered the next month but still, no money. Even the monthly allowance he said he would give me didn’t come. When I reminded him about it, he asked me; “Are you not working? Why should I give you money?” I let him understand that I was only asking for the money he promised to give me.

He responded, “I am the one who promised to give you the money but now I have changed my mind. I don’t have anything to give you.” It’s his money so I let it go.

Since he was posted to his station, I haven’t visited him over there. At the time he wanted me to visit, I wasn’t ready. I asked him to let me put some things together first. Then when I was ready to go, he said I shouldn’t come. His excuse was that he was not ready to host me. I missed him terribly and couldn’t wait any longer to see him, so I paid him a surprise visit. Ladies and gentlemen, I regret that decision to this day.

He treated me so horribly that I cried throughout the night. When he saw me crying he laughed at me. “Why are you crying? Is your father dead?” he taunted. I felt like I didn’t exist. He sat down and made phone calls all through the night. He didn’t talk to me or bother to ask if I was comfortable. The next day, he apologized before I left. I felt I was the one who carried my legs to his place unannounced so I forgave him. All of this happened two years into the relationship.

I got back home and we had a little misunderstanding. This guy decided to break up with me. I just said okay. He went and returned two months later with an apology. I still loved him so I welcomed him back into my life. We’ve been together for four years now, and we have broken up and gotten back together three times already.

Every time we get into an argument, he blames our problems on me. He is never at fault. According to him, he is always right. He likes to boss me around, and when I don’t bend I am the problem. The last time I saw him was when he came to visit me. He kept throwing his weight about. His answer to everything was, “I am the man so I make the decisions.” I tried as hard as possible not to challenge him but we ended up having some misunderstandings.

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I returned from work that evening and he was cold toward me. He didn’t even ask how my day went. It was a long day so I went to lie on my bed quietly. As soon as he saw me on the bed, he joined me and tried to touch me. “I can’t tonight. I am tired,” I told him. This guy shifted to the far end of the bed and didn’t want any part of my body to even touch him. In the morning, he didn’t talk to me.

I prepared breakfast for us to eat together but his actions showed he didn’t want us to eat together so I separated the food. Then I got ready and went to work. After I came home, I realized he had packed his bag and was ready to leave in the morning. I tried to get some answers out of him but he still refused to talk to me.

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In the morning he took his bath, dressed up, and woke me up at 6:30 am that I should lock my door after him. “Where are you going this early morning?” I asked him. He answered, “You are being moody so I am going back to where I came from.” Then he left. That was it.

When he visited, he gave me some money to buy the marriage items. He took the money back when he was leaving. I gave him a spare key to my place. He left it behind. I don’t know what has become of him. I don’t know what his plans are. Is taking a break? Has he left me? I have no idea. He reads stories on this page, so this is my way of reaching out to him. I hope he will see this and give me the answers I am looking for.

—Konadu

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