A good friend of mine introduced Fiifi to me when we attended a musical concert in Accra. Fii, as I affectionately call him, was as innocent as a saint. It took no time for us to bond. And before I left the program, we were already talking about our lives. He asked me to be his girlfriend after two weeks. I had developed feelings for him by then so I said yes without any second thoughts.
When we introduced romance into our relationship, Fii showed me his true colours. And I liked what I saw. He never hid anything from me. One thing that made me fall flat for him was his spirituality. He never missed church, never forgot to pray, and always reminded me to take my spiritual life seriously.
I had intended to tell him that we will abstain from shuperu before marriage but he beat me to it. He brought up the topic before I got the chance to suggest it. I was surprised that a man would introduce that in a relationship. So I visited him twice and tested him to see if he was serious. I did a lot of things to entice him but the man stood his ground. It was the first time I had met a man like him. So I began to feel anxious. No one can be that good, you know?
I spoke to the friend who introduced us, “Please, tell me everything I need to know about Fii. I feel like he is too good to be true. Has he always been like this? Or is he faking it? What kind of Christian is he?” My friend laughed, “That’s Fiifi for you. He is so disciplined and lovely to be around.” She went ahead and told me things about him that I had already witnessed. One thing you should know is, “He can be very stubborn. He doesn’t bend easily when it comes to applying principles. That’s why I nicknamed him ‘Lawyer’,” she said.
Of course, I had seen the lawyer part of him and I had bested it with my femininity. Every time we got involved in an argument and he tried to prove he was right, I would give him a cold shoulder until he sees things my way. That is what I have always done, and it always worked. However, Fii told me one day, “AJ, the way you are is not good. If you don’t change you won’t be able to live with me. I am the kind of person who can live with you and not talk to you for ten years. So don’t think your cold attitude is a weapon you can use to get your way. I can do it ten times more than you. So change.”
This is why I was more than surprised when Fii proposed marriage shortly after we had this conversation. It was six months after our first meeting. It seemed too soon for me, so I asked him, “Is it not too soon?” He explained that he doesn’t want us to date for a long time. “You are the one for me, AJ. If we wait longer, we might end up fornicating. So let’s get married as soon as possible.” His logic made sense. I said yes to the proposal and we started planning our wedding.
We got married in December 2017. Everything was falling into place. I moved from Cape Coast to join him in Accra and I got a job immediately. I became pregnant in February, and he was the first person to even notice it. Pregnancy wasn’t easy, but with a husband like Fii, I went through it smoothly. I delivered in November and our happiness hit the roof. We’ve had our fair share of problems but we always solved them. None of them broke us until my husband started to complain about our child.
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By then he was two, and he liked to play, especially with other children. So I often let him go and play with our neighbour’s children in their room. This is what my husband did not like. He would tell me, “AJ, don’t allow the baby to go and play in the neighbour’s room. I don’t like it.” I didn’t see anything wrong with it so I never took him seriously. Besides, we never argued about it. It was something he just said, and I chose to do what I believed the baby needed. I let him play with our neighbour’s children. My husband complained about it twice, but I didn’t mind him.
The next thing I knew, Fii started ignoring me. He stopped eating my food. He wouldn’t even have sex with me. He only spoke to me if I asked him a question. I became so lonely in the house, to the extent that it began to have a toll on me. It was an emotional torture that my own husband was taking me through. So one day, I packed my things from the room and left with my son for Cape Coast when he was not home.
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He called my phone in the evening, but I did not respond. I was rather waiting for him to come and see my parents so that we would resolve the issue. Can you believe that it’s been a year and three months and my husband hasn’t come? He has neither called to check up on his son. Who does that?
Now I don’t know what to do. I can’t just go back to him. And I don’t know if we are still married or not. What should I do? I know he doesn’t want me anymore. The only thing keeping him in the marriage is that the church frowns on divorce. I am also not ready to call for a divorce. What should I do?
– AJ
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#SB
Climb down from your high horse and eat humble pie, that’s if you still love and want your husband back. Approach his pastor to plead with him for your comeback. Be ready with your apology and promise to turn over a new leaf
You are married to a narcissist be careful. I wish to understand why you consider divorce out of the question. But remember after banning your child from associating with your neighbor’s children you will be the next to be banned from talking toany of your friends and even family. Brace yourself..
This is called foolish pride, and it can destroy relationships. Someone has to make a first move towards reconciliation and it has to be you, because you unilaterally decided to move out. Fii however has to learn to be a little compromising going forward. Communication and forgiveness are the bloodlines of any relationship. You can’t say you love God but cannot forgive your wife for her stupid moves. Go and show your strength elsewhere, not in your marriage. It doesn’t win you any prize.
My dear,please go and apologise and plead for forgiveness.
You didn’t do well at all.
All your actions are against you.
Be humble and l pray you don’t go and meet another lady occupying your position.
Hmmm…this is hard. What did your parents say when you moved back? What of his folks, Pastor, Family and friends? None has called to ask why and try resolving your issues?
Have you also called him or you’re still waiting for his call? How do you take care of your child without you working?
Your husband was right, the child was too small to be playing with neighbours in their room.
Unless you don’t want the marriage again, pray for his heart to be softened and yours too
Madam Go back and apologize; go with someone he reveres
No matter what you’ll have to go back. You erred by packing out; go and right your wrongs
Madam go back to your husband. So because your husband said his child shouldn’t play with the neighbor’s children in their bedroom you decided to pack out? You get issues o cos this is no big deal. Do you know how many children have been abused? Do you know the kind of stuff those kids are exposed to? So because he refused to talk to you you packed out pending whenever he will resolve the issue. You are childish. Your husband too on the other hand is a hardened man and he told you this from the onset. I know his type, he’s not a narcissist like someone said else he would have isolated you since during courtship. He’s just a stern highly principled man but hard hearted. I can’t even believe you stayed this long sha.
This is your fault ooo, though your husband wasn’t talking to you, you should have corrected the mistakes from there not pack out. I am also the type who does not like going to neighbors house talkless of their rooms. It wasn’t right allowing your little child go and play in a neighbor’s room, you don’t know what may happen when the child is out of sight. Pls go back to your husband and apologize, you’ve waited for too long to even apologize. Let’s just pray he forgives you. Anyway, he told you from the onset before initiating marriage so u should have known better and apologize when it started. Being at the wrong side and also being the one to pack out. Madam do the right thing
I disagree with Papa on the narcissist comment. In this world and age were there have been high recording of pedophiles I certainly would understand if your husband is coming from that angle. Certainly your husband never asked that your child stop playing with the other children. His concern is your child plays in their room. How are you able to protect your child if you are not with him. Now with regards to him warning you about changing your behavior as he can do it worse than you. He wasn’t kidding. I think your husband is a man of few words, principled and makes sure that he does according to what he says. I think that’s what you are missing. You’ve not really come to analyze and realize this side of him. You leaving the house was a huge mistake on your part. While you are away analyze everything that has happened from the time you started dating him till you got married. Try to see things from a different perspective. Not as a woman who is hurt or angry. Your husband is a good man and he’ll treat you right if you could afford him the little respect of heeding to his word. He has also not done well for not checking up on you and the child. You need to go back and set things right. You are in charge of the home and you shouldn’t leave it open otherwise a stranger might camp there and destroy what you have built if only you’ve not destroyed it already. Apologize to your husband and together learn to work on communication and compromise. If you understand him there will be peace likewise if he understands you there will be joy. God bless your marriage and give you wisdom.