We met at a program meant for adults who are seeking knowledge in today’s relationships. A lot of people who attended the program were single women and men looking for insight into relationships before they say “I do” to their partners. That was where I met him. He wore a black suit and a blue tie on a white shirt. He was, to me, the best-dressed gentleman of the day. It was a three-day program and each day, he came wearing a black suit that made him looked like an already made groom. He introduced himself to me as Bernard. I asked, “Bernard what?” He responded, Bernard Arthur.”

On the third and final day of the program, he came asking my name. I told him. He asked what I did for a living and I told him I was a nurse. He asked, “Do you mind if I get to know you more?” I asked, “What more do you want to know?” He asked questions and I answered. I asked him questions too and he answered. When I asked about his job he said, “I’m an entrepreneur and a trainer. The world has changed. It’s now tilted towards people who can do something of their own than to work for other people.”

He was as eloquent as he was elegant. If he proposed to me there and then, I would have said yes but he didn’t. He took his time. We spoke every day and night. He was the first to call my phone in the morning and the last to say goodnight. I grew fond of him. He had big ideas and dreams and anytime you hear him speak about his passion, you’ll hear him say something like, “I will change the world. All I need is time and opportunity. On all his social media profiles, he had the phrase, “Change maker” in his bio. He looked larger than the world until I gave him a chance in my life.

One week after I’d said yes to him, he needed money. He said, “Take it as an investment you’re making in this dream. It’s like the seed you sow in church. You know it would take some time to harvest but it doesn’t stop you, you sow by faith.” I asked how much he wanted. He said, “It’s your own investment. You decide.” When I asked what exactly I’m investing in he said, “You’re investing in something great. Something that would change the transportation system in Ghana and then change the world as a whole.” He said he and his team are building an app for ticketing for the transport industry. He took his time to explain every detail and even gave me timelines for when the project would start making money. That day, I gave him GHC1000 and promised to give him more when I get money.

But before then, I’d asked to see his house and he kept giving me excuses; “I’m getting ready to move out to a new place so be patient. Soon I’ll take you to my new place. I asked what was wrong with where he was living. He said he lived with one of his team members. They rented the place together so they could stay connected and work on their dreams. I said, “It’s even a good opportunity for me to see your friend so why don’t we go? Or you have something to hide? He said he had nothing to hide but a girl like me deserves a better place than he was living.

And then one weekend, he came to visit and decided not to go back. Our love was new so I didn’t want to rush into things that don’t last, like getting intimate at the initial stages. I told him I didn’t have a problem with him spending the weekend if only he wouldn’t try to get intimate with me. He said, “No I wouldn’t even try. I won’t do anything you wouldn’t sanction. Your home your rules.” All weekend, he sat at the corner of the room, working on his laptop while I serve him breakfast, lunch, and supper. If you see him walking out of his seat, then he was going to the fridge to pick water or a drink. He made no attempt at me. He was always on his laptop. I said to myself, “Is that how marriage is going to be like between us? We are in a room but can’t play or engage in good conversations because he has work to do?”

I couldn’t wait for him to leave. On Monday when we were both leaving in the morning, he requested a key. I asked, “A key? A key to what?” He said, “Maybe I would come earlier than you. I don’t want to be stranded.” “Naa that is not going to happen. Not at this stage of our relationship, when I don’t even know where you live,” I said in my head. But I politely told him I don’t have a spare key. Lo and behold, I returned from work and saw him sitting at the door with his computer on his lap. He said, “I told you. I told you I would come before you. That’s the advantage of working for yourself. Don’t worry, you’ll become a co-director very soon.”

That night we kissed for so long and ended up having our first sex. The next day I told him I wasn’t comfortable with him around. “You’ve spent almost a week here but I don’t even know where you live. Are you a ghost?” He laughed. “Ok, fine,” he said, “I’ll take you home this weekend. Is that ok?” I answered, “But you have to leave.” He said, “No problem, I’ll leave tomorrow.” 

I started having doubts. I went to his Facebook profile and started digging. I found one guy he almost always talked to. I sent him a message and asked about him. He said they were school mates at the university. I asked when they completed and he said, “We completed this year.” I asked with a tint of shock, “This year, how? So you mean you haven’t even done your National service?” He answered, “We are waiting to be posted.” I asked, “Do you know how old your friend is?” He responded, “He’s my age mate. Twenty-five years old.” I screamed in my head, “Twenty-five? The boy told me he was thirty-five. So I’m a thirty-year-old girl dating a twenty-five-year-old boy?” I felt some anger in my heart but I didn’t know who that anger was for, whether for me or for him or for the fact that I had allowed things to go far without seeking the truth early. 

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I called his phone. He picked up and started ranting those lovely words he usually rants whenever I called him. I said, ‘Cut that crap. How old are you? When did you complete school and what do you do?” The questions were coming at him so fast he didn’t have time to think about it. He said, “Who are you talking to? And why are you sounding so angry? I told him, “If you were here right now, I would have strangled you to death. Why would you lie to me this way? You are a crook. I’ll report you to the police.” He said, “If I told you my real age would you have considered me? Some lies are for the good and the good thing is I’m in love with you.”

I regretted calling him on the phone to discuss the issue with him. I should have seen him face to face so I beat him up the way I would beat my junior brother who misbehaves. I told him to stay away from me. I told him, “But I will look for you wherever you are and beat you up.” I was angry but he laughed. It was as if he didn’t know the weight of what he had done. The whole thing was funny to him. I was left very embarrassed. It was like someone pulling off a cheap trick on you. You know they did you wrong but you’re embarrassed to talk about it because everyone would blame you for not being diligent. 

That’s how I dated a boy who was younger than my junior brother. For close to three months, I thought I’d found my dream man. Prince charming. The one that comes riding on a horse and sweep me off my feet with his royal language. I thought he was the guy who would finally make the juice worth the squeeze. He was a scam. The irony…I went to a relationship program to learn how to spot a good man but came home with a scam. Me and my bad choices in men. 

—Alberta