The day after my story was published, I went to see Ami and her mother. Considering that I didn’t make a good impression the first time her mother met me, I was determined to redeem my image. I was taught that when you offend someone, you don’t show up empty-handed to apologise. So I shopped for foodstuff before I got there. Also, it was my way of letting her know that I was capable of providing for her daughter if she gave me her blessings to marry her.
This time around, the woman was not busy with chores. She was expecting me, plus she knew who I was so the reception was different. She was warmer and more conversational. I told her, “Mama, I am sorry that I didn’t offer to help you with your hoeing the last time I was here. It didn’t speak well of me but I promise it won’t happen again.” I could explain my behaviour away with cultural differences but I figured it wasn’t necessary. If she expected me to help but I didn’t then all I had to do was say sorry so we move on. So that’s what I did.
She didn’t drag the issue like I feared she would. She told me not to worry about it and that it was all water under the bridge. After that, I took out the stuff I brought for them and stocked their fridge. They were both very happy. I could tell the woman had fully forgiven me at this point.
When we sat down to talk, she asked me questions about myself. I told her all the necessary things she needed to know. She also shared some stories of her own with me. That day we spoke freely. In the course of our conversation, I expressed my interest in marrying her daughter. She didn’t seem to oppose the idea. If anything, she welcomed it and even gave us some relationship advice. All was going smoothly, I was certain of it.
A week after my visit, my mother also visited them. She too went along with foodstuff to stock their fridge. It was my mother’s way of showing them that she endorses our relationship. She also wanted to prove that us Nzemas like to cross tribal barriers when it comes to all forms of relationships. According to my mum, Ami’s mother was very happy with the gifts. She was welcoming and warm toward her as well. We were sure we had won her over completely.
However, things took a different turn when my pastor invited Ami and her mother over for a talk. I had spoken to our pastor about the problems I had unwittingly caused during our first meeting. And though I told him things were getting better, he felt the need to add his voice to the matter and testify to my character so the woman would know that I am not a bad person. Clueless maybe, but not bad.
As intended, my pastor apologized on my behalf. He said a lot of good things about me as well. That was supposed to seal the deal but it rather broke all the progress we made. Right after their talk with my pastor, the woman cut short her visit and returned to Accra without bothering to say goodbye to me or my family.
I thought it was another cultural clash until I was told she was upset. According to her, everyone in my life wants her daughter to marry me. It made her feel there was something wrong with me. That’s why she had to leave. She also said she would not allow her daughter to marry me. “She said if I go against her wishes, whatever happens in the marriage does not concern her,” Ami said as she broke up with me.
I thought I could get her to change her mind but she chose to please her mother instead of paying attention to her own happiness. Before I knew it, she applied for a transfer to Accra and successfully got it.
I was at home when she came to say goodbye. I didn’t go near her. I watched from a distance while she spoke to my mother. Now that she is gone, I don’t know what to do with all the plans we made. The GHC50,000 I budgeted for our wedding is lying in my account. I wanted to marry her before I turn thirty but now I am single again at twenty-eight.
Would You Help Your Woman Attain Higher Position Than Yourself?
The saddest part is that I am not the only one who is hurt by this turnout. Sure, this two-year relationship coming to such an abrupt end has rocked me but my entire family was invested in us as well. My mother, my sister, and my nephews are all distraught. Everyone who loves me loved her. Now we are all heartbroken by her.
Recently, I found out that her mum broke us up because she wants her daughter to go back to her ex, who is also a voltarian like them. Which means she eliminated me because of my tribe. I can’t believe in this day and age, people still allow tribal sentiments to stand in the way of love. My entire family is emotionally damaged because of this act. I hope we do better. I hope we allow people to choose whom they want regardless of where they come from. I don’t wish this kind of misery upon anyone.
— Desmond
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Desmond I am sorry for the pain you are going through. But I am here to tell you no situation or anything is permanent .It will all pass. Take this situation as a blessing in disguise. Thank God for it because if you would have gotten married to your ex I bet you her mom will have manipulated her to end it with you or even cheat on you. I promise you a better love will find you in the right time and it will bring along no problems. As for the money invest in some shares or keep it in the bank when it’s due time you will figure the right thing to do with it.
Only a few people will understand how desperation has made this guy lose his girlfriend. The tribal sentiments make him feel good and for people to comment well on him.
The old lady was right when she told them she felt something was wrong with the guy that is why everyone in his life wants him to marry her.
1. desperation to call every family member to be involved in convincing a woman to marry you is a wrong approach. the guy, the mum, aunties, pastors, and all calling/VISITING to convince the lady is a huge red flag. Again, your family visiting to stock their fridge is another red flag.
2. At first, it feels like love until she is overwhelmed with emotions about the motive for such desperation.
3. Again, it demonstrates that the guy is of low value or has low esteem. Showing a lady and her family that you love their lady and are willing to move away is a sense of value to a man.
4. I used to be desperate for women like this and I lost all of them. Until I came to my senses and realized, that too much love doesn’t lead to anything. Then, the women I date and I don’t show DESPERATION are the ones fully committed to the relationship.
5. I hope someone sees the sense in the way the guy approaches the whole thing and learns a lesson.
6. I don’t buy the tribal issues raised in this narration.
I think you shot yourself on the foot. You were too desperate, you seem like a man who tlk too muc and a guy who’ll love more than being loved. Why you going bout talking to people, asking people to tlk to her and her mom all bcos you want to marry her? Is something wrong somewhere? What’s wrong with ur self esteem and also what about your value as a man? Why did you mom visit with foodstuffs?
Your ex wants to go back to her Ex bf, that speaks volume and a lot. What there not a reason why she left him or why he left her?
I think you need to think deep, search inside where something is wrong, fix it before you meet another gal so you won’t loose her again.
Why act like a wussy, then get the results of acting wussy. But turn around and complain they used tribal card to eliminate you. Stop been effeminate and making your pastor, mother and sisters take command of your life tasks you can handle yourself. Even firm northerners are now getting beautiful akan and ewe women to marry. Cheers.
This just the kind of ethnicentic comments we don’t need in this age and time! “Even firm Northerner are getting beautiful Akan and eee women?” Excuse my French but you belong to the stone ages