The very first day I saw her, I liked her instantly. Whether it was as a friend or more, I didn’t know it at the time. All I knew was that I wanted to be close to her. I wanted to get to know what made her smile as if the world had no claim on her. I wanted to see if she still looked as radiant if she was angry. You know that urge you get to stand next to someone for the rest of your life? That was exactly how I felt. I didn’t relent until I got her attention.

When I started getting to know her, I liked her even more. It did not take long before I fell head over heels in love with her. She is the woman I want to marry, that much is known to me and her. “The fact that we come from different tribes won’t be a problem for your people, right?” I asked her. She shook her head and said, “My people do not discriminate against others of different tribes. We accept everyone. Besides, we are in the 21st century. Who does tribalism anymore?” I said okay with a pleased smile on my face as I mapped out the course of our relationship in my head.

I have known her for the past two years, and we’ve been together for almost the same duration. She was posted to work in my town. That was how we met. This means that sometimes our cultural differences become so loud that it brings problems between us. I understand that the fact that we were both raised by different people in the first place, would bring a lot of differences in the way we do things. However, this particular source of conflict between us has to do with the fact that we do things differently in our tribe than they do in theirs.

I try to ignore most of them but there are times when the issue confronts me head on and I am unable to ignore them. For example, her mother came to town recently. That was the first time she was visiting our town since her daughter moved here.

We were at home early in the morning when my girlfriend showed up at our house with her mother. I was still in bed at that time so I didn’t meet them. It was my mother they met. She said, my girlfriend brought her mother to officially greet her. My mum has been of help to my girl in certain ways so her mother was full of ‘thank yous’ for my mum.

It was a nice gesture but it upset my mother. She didn’t understand why they had to show up so early in the morning. They didn’t even call first. “I don’t have a problem with Ami showing up here any time of day unannounced, but with her mother? She should have at least called before springing a visitor on us,” my mum complained to me after they left. Of course, she didn’t let her displeasure show when they were there. She was polite and overflowing with smiles as she served them. After they finished the purpose of their visit, they left.

READ ALSO: I Don’t Know If My Boyfriend Truly Loves Me Or He Is Just A Scammer? (Part 2)

Later in the day, I told my girlfriend, “I wasn’t present when you came home with your mum so I couldn’t meet her. Per our custom, I will come to your place to officially welcome her to town. So tell her.” I got there and I realized Ami’s mother didn’t even know who I was. She wasn’t even expecting a visitor. The entire time I was there, she didn’t introduce me to her mother as her boyfriend. The woman was even busy doing some hoeing around her daughter’s house.

To make the situation less awkward, I asked to return home considering that she was busy. After she finished her chores, I returned to the house to welcome her properly. All that time, I wasn’t introduced to her as her daughter’s boyfriend. I didn’t know why Ami didn’t tell her who I was but I decided it was between her and her mother.

He Woke Me Up At 2 am And Asked Me To Go To My Mother’s House

I left for my home, only for my girl to text me; “It was after you left that my mother got to know that you are my boyfriend. She was disappointed that you didn’t even jokingly ask to help with her hoeing.” I was shocked she made that statement. I told her there was no formal introduction. Her mother didn’t even know who I was. How would I go to her and tell her to give me her hoe? No, that’s not how I was raised. As far as I am concerned, it is not done.

She, on the other hand, says it’s their culture. She said the fact that I came to meet her mother doing chores around the house means I should have offered to do it for her. She said as Ewes, that is what they expect of their men. Even if you are meeting your woman’s folks for the first time and there hasn’t been any formal introduction, you still have to offer to help with chores. I don’t believe her. I feel she is just trying to set me up to look a certain way in her mother’s eyes. All this she is saying is foreign to me. So I want to know from the Ewes on this page if there is any truth to anything she said. Did I truly offend my future mother-in-law unknowingly? Please help me out.

—Desmond

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