When I experienced my first heartbreak David was the shoulder I leaned on. We had just met but he was there for me through those hard times. That was what bonded us in friendship. The more I opened up to him the more he also allowed himself to be vulnerable around me. That’s how we grew from friends to lovers. I was in the university at the time our relationship began.

When David said he loved me, I knew it was true. It wasn’t just by word of mouth. I saw it in his deeds too. He made sure I never lacked anything. What even made it more beautiful was that he didn’t have to. My parents always gave me more than I needed. So I didn’t need his money. However, he insisted he had to take care of me because I was his. So he was a full package; a best friend, a lover, and a provider. Oh, how happy he made me!

After a year in the relationship, he traveled outside the country. The distance separated us physically but our hearts were as close as they were when he was here with me. That first month he was there gave me hope that the long-distance thing would work. We were both committed to maintaining an open line of communication. It was difficult but it was possible. That’s what I told myself when I thought about how far away he was.

I don’t know what happened but suddenly, my boyfriend became cold toward me. I would try to talk to him only to be ignored. I was worried. I wondered if something had happened. I asked one of his friends, “Have you heard from David? Is he okay? All of a sudden he has gone quiet on me.” His friend told me, “Ally, forget about David and concentrate on your life?” Ah, how? How can you tell me to forget about my boyfriend? I even got offended that his friend would say that to me. In hindsight, I could have asked him why but at that time, I was so much in love with my man that I didn’t want to hear anything negative about him.

Even after his friend’s advice, I continued to call and text him. David also continued to ignore me. His silence was like a sledgehammer to my chest, grinding my heart to dust. I wept for days and nights unending.

In my misery, I found a friend on campus. His name is Matt. All the attention David was no longer giving me, I got it from him. The more we talked the closer we got. I grew fond of him in no time. Even though we were not officially dating, everything about our friendship felt like a love affair. One day, he invited me to his church. After service, I confessed to him that I had a boyfriend. “I believe we should stop talking before this friendship leads to something else.” He didn’t argue with me over it.

Upon all that was said, we couldn’t stop communicating. We just had to accept that we were in a relationship and weren’t ready to let each other go. Two months into this new relationship, David reached out. I was angry. You should see this guy acting as if he cares. I kept asking myself, “Why is he running back now? What did he see out there that he decided that I was the better choice?” A part of me resented him for the way he just disappeared as if I never meant anything to him.

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I told him, “I didn’t wait around for you. I have moved on. I have a new man now and I love him very much. Move on too.” He said he didn’t care. Whatever I have to do to get you back, I will do it,” he declared. He was even willing to go and see my parents and announce his intentions to marry me. I firmly told him, “I don’t want you anymore so don’t bother.” Can you believe he did it? He went to my parents to ask for my hand in marriage even though I said no.

My parents also accepted him without my consent. I don’t blame them much. They didn’t know we had broken up so they thought it was fine. Besides, there is an inheritance I am supposed to receive, but only after I am married. I am not making excuses for them but I believe this is why they accepted him.

It Will Be Difficult For Me To Commit To One Person

I was so angry about what he did. He tried to see me but I never met him physically until he went back. I told Matt about it. I let him understand that even though I love him things would be difficult for us going forward. “My parents are not the kind to change their mind about things like this. Once they’ve accepted David’s proposal, they won’t accept another man I bring home.” At the end of the conversation, we agreed to end things amicably.

As I’m typing this, I missed my period and my traditional marriage is in just a week. I’m confused and don’t know what to do. My parents are very powerful. I am afraid of what they will do to this poor new guy if they find out he is responsible for the pregnancy. I haven’t told him about it yet because he appears to have moved on already. The last time I called him he sounded annoyed so I hung up. The alternative is to get rid of it but I am scared that something may go wrong. What if the process results in complications? I am stuck in a limbo. What do I do?

—Ally

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