On our second date, I ordered fried rice with chicken. The food was good but my tummy got full before I could finish everything. I left a small portion of rice and some bones. This guy complained bitterly that I wasted the food.

On that very date, I bought him a bottle of water. He didn’t drink it so I drank it when I got thirsty. I couldn’t finish everything. The next time I went to his house and asked for water he told me, “If you know you won’t finish everything then don’t open a new bottle. Look for one of your unfinished bottles and drink it.” It sounded off to me but I didn’t write him off because of it. Now when I look back, I tell myself I should have removed my heels and run.

Everything I told myself was not a big deal at the beginning of the relationship became bright red balloons popping at every turn of our journey. Even with that, I was so much in love with Ato that I didn’t notice it. The ones I noticed, I gave him grace for them.

It was when we were in our sixth month that I started seeing things clearly. Everything I saw made me suspect he was cheating on me. His behaviour smelled like a man who had multiple partners. The first sign I saw was how quickly he excused himself to receive phone calls in my presence. It didn’t use to be like that so why the sudden change?

Every time we were together, this guy would receive a call and leave the room to go and talk to whoever called. I had so many questions but I knew if I asked for answers he would just lie. So I quietly observed him. Luckily, I didn’t have to wait for long. We were on a date one hot afternoon when another call came through. This time around I saw a name, AJ, before he stepped away to answer it.

I hadn’t checked out his social media pages then. However, with the way things were going, I decided to go and search his handle. When I finally found his page I saw that he was following only two people. This mysterious AJ and some other lady. I didn’t bother with the other lady. My interest was this AJ.

I went to her profile and looked at her photos. She looked like someone in her thirties. I wanted more information but there are things social media won’t tell you. I had no choice but to turn to Ato for the truth. I called him and asked, “Do you know a lady called AJ? Is she your friend?” “What’s all this? I have better things to do with my time than to answer pointless questions like this,” came his answer.

I was surprised he felt he didn’t owe me any accountability considering that even when I told him I was going to urinate he would tell me, “Don’t do anything bad. I am watching your every move.” Sometimes he would even joke that there was a CCTV camera on me. I know it was just his way of demanding accountability from me. So why can’t I also ask if you are friends with someone?

Days after he refused to answer my question about AJ, we went on a date. While we were talking Ato asked me for my phone. I was about to give it to him when he said, “I want you to open your WhatsApp for me to read your messages.” No problem. I also told him, “You too open your WhatsApp and let me read your messages. It’s a fair exchange if you ask me.” He said no. So I also didn’t give mine to him. You should see the way his nostrils flared with anger. At that point, I didn’t care anymore.

The most annoying part of the whole thing for me is, this guy is loaded with money. I am not with him because of that. However, there was a time when I was having problems with my phone. The screen was cracked and all that. I had some money for a new phone but it wasn’t enough. I asked him to top me up. He could have easily bought me a new phone without a pesewa of my money, but he flatly refused to top me up.

It wasn’t easy using a spoilt phone but I managed it until I saved enough to top up and get this new phone. Now, you want me to give it to you to go through it? It won’t happen. When I said no, he was quick to open his mouth and tell me, “This is why I don’t trust you. You are so secretive.” I almost laughed at the irony.

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Between the two of us, I am an open book. He, on the other hand, has been hiding things from me. Could you believe this man has a daughter but didn’t tell me? I found out when I went through his social media page.

All of this came to light after six months into the relationship. At the end of the date, I had decided that I was tired of all the emotional turmoil associated with dating him. I was no longer interested in continuing the journey. So I called him when I got home and told him, “My heart can no longer bear loving you. Let’s end things here.” That was the end of us.

How A Man Can Keep A Relationship Going Without Money

I didn’t know how one-sided our entire relationship was until I walked away from him. That was when I looked back and realized Ato never took my feelings into consideration. He could go for weeks, even months sometimes, without talking to me. There were times I got sick and he was not even bothered. He made promises he never delivered. I made excuses for him for every one of them until I couldn’t take it anymore.

I know I should have left at the very beginning but it’s alright. I am glad I finally chose myself. I know now that I deserve better and I am no longer going to settle for less.

— Vivian

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