I am a young Nigerian woman who came to Ghana to receive a university education. I had a good time in the country. I made meaningful connections that impacted my life. By the time I was done with school, Ghana became my second home. I wished I could even stay and start my life here but it wasn’t possible. My entire family was back home in Nigeria so I had to go back and be with them.

Although I left, I made plans to return to Ghana for a visit. Thankfully, I was able to do that in the middle of 2021. I got something doing so I stayed longer than I intended. I even got into a relationship in November of that same year. The relationship was a good one. My only problem was that I lost my job and couldn’t get another one. So I stayed home for months. All I did during this period was eat and sleep.

My boyfriend was very supportive but I wasn’t happy with the way my life was going. So I decided to move back to Nigeria and take my chances in the job market over there. We did not particularly end our relationship but I wasn’t sure if I would return to Ghana. What we agreed on was that, we would let things take their natural course.

I made it back home in September 2022. I had put on a lot of weight and gotten a big stomach in the process. The moment my family saw me they asked, “What happened to you? Are you sick?” I laughed and explained that I ate a lot and slept a lot in the past months. Still, my mother was not convinced, “Are you sure you are not pregnant? Your stomach doesn’t look normal, even for a big person like you.”

My mother’s mention of pregnancy concerned me a little, considering that I hadn’t seen my period in months. However, I shook my head and said to myself, “No, I am not pregnant. I have always had an irregular cycle so it’s one of those things.” I rather convinced myself that I had gotten an infection that stopped my period. It was actually one of the reasons I went back home. I figured I could afford proper medical care once I was home with my family. So after my mother’s comments, I went to the hospital.

The doctor ran some tests and it turned out that I was pregnant. I was shocked. I didn’t get morning sickness or experience any other symptoms of pregnancy. I felt completely normal. I couldn’t even pinpoint at what point I conceived. We took a scan and found out I was in my third trimester. That’s right. I was almost due to have the baby but I didn’t even know there was a baby inside me until that moment. I couldn’t process anything that was going on.

When I broke the news to my then boyfriend  he was confused. He kept asking me, “How can you be pregnant and not know it? And you are telling me you are in your third trimester? How is this possible?” I explained myself to him as best as I can; “My cycle is irregular so I didn’t panic when I started getting light flow, and it continued for four months. It was when I didn’t get my period in the fifth month that I realized something was wrong. Even that, I thought I had gotten an infection. So I decided that I would check it out when I get back home. Only to find out that I have been pregnant all along.” I later sent him the results of the scan so he would see it for himself.

He told me he couldn’t wrap his mind around it. And that he was not ready to listen to anything concerning the pregnancy. I understood him. After all, I was struggling to accept the truth myself. I figured he would process his emotions and get back to me within a week or two, but that didn’t happen. I didn’t hear anything from him again till the year ended and we entered 2023.

I decided to contact him again in July to tell him I had the baby and that we are both doing well. He called two days after to tell me, “I spoke with my sister about the child and it has put things into perspective for me. I am willing to stick around and be in the child’s life.” It took him long enough but I was relieved he was finally coming around. Unfortunately, I rejoiced too soon. I am saying this because I haven’t heard from him ever since we had that conversation.

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The thing is, I am not bothered about his nonchalant attitude toward my child. My family and I have been taking care of the baby since he was born, and we will continue to do that as long as God gives us strength. My concern is, after everything, this child will grow up and ask about his father. He will want to find his roots. I don’t want to lie to him when that time comes. But I also don’t want to make him feel like his father intentionally abandoned him. That would only hurt him and make him feel unwanted.

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When I think about my baby daddy’s behaviour about this whole thing, I get confused. He was good to me when were together in Ghana. So I don’t know if he is still in shock or what? Next month would be a year since I broke the news to him. Shouldn’t he be over it by now? I am also wondering if he is just not interested in raising another child. He already has a child with his late wife so maybe he feels that’s enough for him.

Whatever his problem is, I don’t know because he hasn’t said much to me. I want to know if there is anyone here who has been in my situation before. Kindly share your experience with me on how things unfolded. So far he doesn’t seem interested in our son so is it necessary to reach out to him again? Or I should tell the child his father is dead when he grows up and starts asking questions?

—Amaya

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