My first break-up came out of nowhere like a terrible car crash. I had just been with him on
Monday. We had a good time together. We’d never not had a good time together. That’s how great the relationship was. We didn’t even have petty fights or issues. I told myself we flowed so easily because we were best friends first before we became a couple.

Little did I know that my man had another woman in his life. I found out when we were four months into the relationship. We had gotten to a place where we felt comfortable enough to share our Facebook passwords with each other. Out of curiosity, I read some of his chats. I didn’t expect to find anything until I found myself reading his messages with this woman. I saw her photos too.

When I first asked him about her, he said she was his cousin. I let it go until I stumbled upon the truth. They were in a relationship. They started dating before I started dating him. I was shocked and confused at the same time. Why would my best friend get involved with me knowing very well that he already had a girlfriend?

When I confronted him he said, “Do you remember the first time I proposed to you? You turned me down. So I went for her and she accepted me. But you are the one I love, that’s why I came back to you.” His explanation didn’t leave me less broken.

I remember telling him, “Although you’ve betrayed me, I forgive you. All you need to do is break up with her so we can carry on with the relationship.” I was that determined not to lose him. But this guy answered, “I can’t break up with her. I can’t bring myself to break another woman’s heart.” Could you believe that even after this, I didn’t leave? He even ghosted me but I kept trying to reach him. Then on Friday, he sent me a message saying, “I think we should break up. I don’t deserve you,” among other cliches.

I thought I didn’t love him until I saw that message. I thought I wouldn’t survive it. He said he couldn’t hurt her feelings yet he had no problem breaking my heart.

At the time, I was dealing with painful menstrual cramps, but when I read his message, I felt numb. It was my first heartbreak. I cried for a week straight. I couldn’t eat or concentrate in class. I looked like a shadow of myself.

But one day, I decided I’d had enough. I stopped crying. When he saw me acting strong, he accused me of never loving him. “You didn’t suffer like I did.” He claimed he was the one crying after our breakup. I didn’t mind him. I just did my best to move on.

Later, I met another guy on Facebook. We dated for six months without meeting in person. I loved him, and I thought he loved me too, until we finally met. That was when the problems began.

One day, he told me someone from his hometown needed a place to stay temporarily. That person eventually became his roommate. Then, I visited him one day and found two girls staying in his house. When I asked, he casually mentioned they’d been living there for weeks.

Despite all this, he never gave me any money or prioritized me in any way. Whenever I asked for something, he had an excuse. Meanwhile, he was busy feeding everyone else in his house—even those who could afford to take care of themselves.

He only gave me money once as his girlfriend, but I didn’t complain. Over time, it became clear he valued people from his hometown more than he valued me.

There was a point when I went to visit, and he told me, “I need you to stop coming here. You are making some people living here uncomfortable.” I was hurt but what could I do? I stopped going there.

As the relationship progressed, or perhaps I should say, retrogressed, he stopped listening to anything I had to tell him. He preferred the advice of the women living in his house. Even when it led him into trouble, and when that happened, I was always the one to comfort him.

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I tried so hard to fight for us but he didn’t even care to show me that he wanted me. So I got tired and decided I’d had enough. I stopped sharing anything about my life with him and gave him space. Nobody officially broke up with anyone, but the relationship fizzled out.

This time around, I saw it coming. I was prepared for it but I still thought it would hurt. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel a pinch of heartache. It was as though my first heartbreak had prepared me for this moment. I merely shook it off and focused on my books.

I Accepted His Proposal When I Hadn’t Met Him Physically

When I graduated from school, he was shocked and angry that I didn’t invite him to the graduation. Then he asked if I would consider taking him back. “I miss you. Don’t you miss me?” I told him I was happy where I was. A place where I felt valued and respected. “I am sorry you regret leaving but I won’t jeopardize my happiness by getting back together with you.”

He didn’t seem happy but I had to choose myself for once. I watched him walk away as I closed his chapter in my life forever. I found out later that he withdrew from me because of one of the ladies from his hometown. Which means he only came back to me because it didn’t work out between them. When I heard this, I just smiled and thanked my stars for giving me the strength to walk away from a man who only saw me as a plan B.

— Shelter

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