I am not the kind of person who trusts people easily. I have been burned before because I trusted a few people too blindly. So it doesn’t matter who you are, I won’t believe anything you tell me until I see proof for myself. I need to see that your actions align with your words so I can trust you. This is something that affected my romantic relationships in the past. I would analyze everything I was told and pick apart their words until they got tired and left me.
Every one of them left because of my trust issues. Some were even kind enough to advise me, “No woman will be happy to end up with an insecure man. So work on your trust issues. If not, you will end up single and alone.” I didn’t take the advice seriously until I realized my issues were truly ruining my relationships. So eventually I listened.
My current girlfriend has been with me for two years now. When it got to her turn, I decided to let go of my baggage and just love her without any doubts or questions. I still have trust issues but I withheld them from her. I wanted to do whatever it would take to make the relationship work because of how much I loved her.
She could tell me the most questionable thing yet I would take it cooly without getting suspicious that she was cheating. Sometimes I would call her and she would tell me, “Babe, let me call you back. I’m out with some friends.” I would say okay. Later, I won’t even ask questions like; “Who were you with?” “Where did you go?” Or “Why didn’t you tell me you were going out?” Those were the questions that got me into trouble in my previous relationships so I chose to be quiet this time.
Even when I started having doubts about her behaviour, it didn’t occur to me to go into her phone to find anything out for myself. But I am who I am. I trusted her but one day I woke up with the need to confirm that my trust was not misplaced.
To prove this, I created a TikTok account and moved to her as a thirty-four-year-old single man. She knows I am not on TikTok so she couldn’t have suspected that it was me. We chatted for a while. And then I told her, “I am looking for a wife. And you fit the description. Are you seeing anyone?” My girlfriend responded, “No, please. I am single.” I then asked her out to dinner and she accepted it. I thought she was playing until she gave the fake me her phone number.
Now, this supposed date night fell on a date I had planned to visit her. She knew I was coming because I don’t do surprise visits. So I was surprised she accepted to go out with a stranger on TikTok that very day. I wondered how she was going to do it.
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I thought to myself, “I should wait for the date night so I can see how slick my woman can be.” But I knew my heart wouldn’t be able to handle the outcome so I decided to call the whole thing off. I sent her a screenshot of the chat from the TikTok account.
Instead of showing remorse, she got defensive. “What were you hoping to gain by pranking me like this?” She yelled. “I told her I wanted to find out if you were single or dating me. But I have my answer now.”
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Now I’m a mess because I don’t have what it takes to keep her. I don’t have much. I’m a thirty-one-year-old struggling man. Sure, I have her in all my plans but that’s all I have. Plans. I had told her I would be ready to marry her in two years, but I was planning to do it sooner because my mum doesn’t let me rest when it comes to marriage and grandchildren. However, I have seen that plans are not enough to make a woman stay with you.
I’m only here to rant because I don’t know what will happen to us. I still love her so much. However, the trust is broken. How do I proceed from here? This is my advice to you young ladies. Don’t deny your man to strangers. You can even say it’s complicated and no one would get hurt. I’ve grown to understand that women keep backup guys. There’s always another in line waiting for you to leave. But in doing that, do not deny your men. Anyway, I have said enough. Let me find somewhere and sit with my wounded heart.
— Peace
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Your pendulum swings too widely! From insecurity to complete trust? It’s good you eventually found out the truth, though. Don’t let this experience scare you off. There are several trustworthy women out there. Put this one behind you and girdle your loins for the next project!
I like the fact that you decided to put aside the trust issues(I know this is not really who you are) Someone once said to me, there’s hardly any single girl/woman out there and if you meet a woman, if she’s in a relationship or married, she’ll be the one to choose if she wants you to replace the man she’s dating or she doesn’t want you atall. A lot of girls are like this. My advice to you is if your heart or instincts telling you something bout someone, most of the time it is true. That lady need to be thrown back to the street cos she’ll hurt you pretty much. You’re 31yrs old, why not forget bout girls for now and try to rebuild yourself, work harder, meet new people but don’t rush into anything with any woman. If you keep calling your woman and she never cease to say “ lemme call you back I am with my friend” She’s cheating on you. Can you give ur phone to her for 10mins? Can she do the same thing?