Kwame has a habit of going off on the people in his life. Everybody knows this about him. They say he is proud. Some of his people nicely put it, “His head is full.” I didn’t even know what they meant by that until I saw it for myself. We would have a little misunderstanding and this guy would go completely silent on me. It would take days for him to calm down and talk to me.
I have tried to understand him but it is difficult. Different things set him off. Today, he could get angry because I didn’t answer his call when he needed me urgently. Tomorrow he wouldn’t get angry about the same thing. He would rather get angry that I didn’t respond to his text immediately after he sent it. At the end of the day, I walk on eggshells around him.
I am always careful not to do anything that would make him decide that he’d rather not talk to me. We have been at this for two years, and seven months but I haven’t gotten used to his behaviour yet. Neither has he attempted to change. I don’t even think he will, considering that every single person in his life gets the same treatment when he is upset with them. When he calms down, he apologises and moves on as though nothing has happened.
I thought I could put up with him but something happened about a month ago that has me rethinking our entire relationship.
I was supposed to go meet him at his place after I picked up some items somewhere. He knew I would come to his place so he sent some money for me to buy dinner on my way over. When I got to the place to pick up the item, I got delayed. The moment I saw that I would stay longer than planned, I sent Kwame a quick text; “Hey babe, my package has been delayed so I might not be able to get dinner. Get yourself something so you don’t have to wait for me before you eat.”
True to the words in my text, I couldn’t get the food he wanted. The store had closed by the time I was done. I didn’t worry much because I expected him to get something for himself after receiving my message. That was until I made my way to his place and found him with a long face.
Whatever his problem was, I assumed it wasn’t about me. After all, I didn’t get anything wrong. So I greeted him and proceeded to his room to drop my stuff. Then I sat down and waited for him to get inside so we could talk. He chose to remain outside. So I went out to meet him.
With a voice as soft as cotton I said to him, “Baby, I’ve been waiting for you to come inside. Why are you outside?” He retorted, “Come around for what? You knew you wouldn’t be able to get dinner anymore but you didn’t call me. You texted me instead.” The most important thing is that I communicated the delay to him and he saw the text, right? Well, he didn’t see it that way. So I apologized to him.
I explained, “I was under a lot of stress when the package was delayed. So it didn’t occur to me to call you. That’s why I sent a text. To make things right, let me cook something for you.” It was after 9 p.m. but I was willing to prepare rice for him, but he said no. I offered to fry eggs for him but he turned that down too. “What about noodles? You like my noodles.” He shook his head and said, “Don’t bother.”
Later in the night, he went out to get something for himself and came back. When I tried to eat with him, he pushed my hand away. He said, “If you needed food, you should have gotten some for yourself on your way here.” I apologized again and promised to make it up to him, but he shrugged me off. I didn’t want to upset him any further so I left him alone.
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I had assignments to complete that night, so I completed them and went to sleep. Normally, when he is done with work, he would come into the room to sleep on the bed beside me. However, I opened my eyes in the middle of the night to see him sleeping in the chair instead. “Come to bed,” I called to him. “Leave me alone,” he snapped.
I was still quite tired but I just left the bed for him and told him I was awake. That was when he went over to the bed to sleep.
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I went to work that morning and he didn’t call me. For an entire week, I didn’t hear from him. I was the one who called and asked, “Why have you gone silent on me?” He just said, “I am taking time off from your troubles.” I hung up with the intention that I would give him the space he needed.
It’s been over a month now and there have still been no words from him. I don’t want to come across as needy so I have also stayed away. This is the longest we have gone without talking to each other. It’s making me wonder if this is the end of our relationship. Even if he comes back later, how can I be with a man who gets angry over something as mundane as this? How many times must I apologize to be forgiven? All because I texted him, instead of calling him? Will I be right to end things officially and move on?
—Joyce
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This isn’t a health relationship, can you cope with this behaviour forever? Please I suggest you take the one Month silence from him as a closure and move one. This relationship doesn’t have a future and nothing to offer.
To me, i think u should call of the relationship cause he has been showing you this attitude ever since and to me you have tolerated enough.
My sister, you’re lucky to be seeing these signs while you’re not married. This is even the time for him to show you greater love if he indeed loves you. I wonder what he will to when you get married and you begin to get fed up with each other. Run for your life before it’s too late. No matter how remorseful he becomes later, don’t take him back because you are going to see the worse part of him if you get married. I’ve been married for ten years so I know what I’m saying. A word to the wise is enough
Dear Joyce, your boyfriend is a narcissist and he will never change but, he’s only being a narcissist to those he can control. If you are walking on egg shells in a relationship then that relationship is not for you. I once dated this type of guy, I apologized and even begged for forgiveness over very little and insignificant issues which he made them appear big. E.g I called his new driver “namesake” since we bear same names, he got so angry and shouted when we got home that night that I had to run back to my place. The next day, I went over to his place to help him buy stuff and stuck up the house as we agreed and lo and behold there was another lady there. He was still angry with me, and even blaming me for making him bring the girl over to assist him clean the house, something I have been doing since time immemorial. The relationship ended and I moved on but guess what, he got into another one and the girl used and treated him like SHIT, doing all the things to him I couldn’t even dare try and he never complained or shouted at her, eventually she left him and he’s even begging her. Nobody close to him liked the girl except him because it was glaring she didn’t love him. His staff and sis told me those things,that’s how I got to know some things. So my dear he will never change with you, leave him and move on. They can only do this to good and calm girls. Wake up and help yourself before you loose it all cos with time he will isolate you.
Your byfriend is just beinhba big baby. Please move on with ur life. U dont deserve such treatment from any man and he doesn’t deserve u.
How happy would you be under the same roof with him in the name of marriage and he goes off for a month without talking to you as his wife just because you sent a text. If you’re able to answer this question honestly for your own self, then that would be your answer to freedom from this emotional torture you call relationship. Unless there’s or are other things you love about him that made you went 2yrs and 7 months.
Think deep and choose right.
Best of luck.