Cheating is a deal breaker for me. I don’t want to share my man. I’m a very kind person. I can share my soul if someone needs one but when it comes to love, I believe you stay with someone you love so immediately the one you love jumps to another person, it signifies the death of our love, for me. When I see it, I’ll leave. When I suspect, I’ll stay long enough to get concrete evidence before I leave.

I left Akwasi because he cheated. He called it one one-night stand, which he promised would never happen again. That hurt my feelings, that he could have a thousand night stand with me but instead chose to have one with a stranger. “What if she carried a deadly disease?” I asked. He unashamedly answered, “I used a condom.”

That did it for me. He had the time to carry a condom means he intentionally and consciously planned the affair until it happened. When I left him, all I heard people say was, “It rains everywhere.” Men cheat so if you leave a man for cheating, then you might as well not date again. I believed otherwise, that men are not that cheap and that if a man truly loves you, he would never cheat.

“It’s not the despair that destroys us, it’s the hope that kills us.” I was so consumed with hope that I stayed out of a relationship for two years. I was taking my time to land the perfect man. I dated long enough to know them but I said no in the end because their actions and what they said didn’t match.

Collins came along, an introvert who would rather stay in a burning building than go out of it. He said a few words and went home to sleep. I didn’t like his quiet disposition but I liked the calm he exudes. For three months he couldn’t propose. He danced around the topic until I asked him, “You want us to become lovers? Is that what you mean?” He smiled. Shyly, I must say. He said yes.

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In my mind, a man who couldn’t open his mouth to propose to me would find it hard to cheat. Again, it’s the hope that kills us. Two months into the relationship, I found him cheating. The text message appeared on his Apple watch so we read it together. I don’t want to repeat what the girl said but it was deeper than I could ever go with a man. She was talking about the sex they had the previous day and was saying she couldn’t wait for the next one.

Heartbreaks don’t make a sound but mine did. It had the sound of breaking glasses. It shattered then a piece pierced through my soul. He looked at me as I got up and left the room. He didn’t say a word in defence but to me, it was over. I had hoped and been burned by the same hope. A man who couldn’t propose, who couldn’t even talk for long had the longing for another woman. Calm waters drown I remembered but I didn’t think you’d have to suffocate, struggle to catch your breath before you finally die. It was hard. Tears didn’t help so I spoke to Akos.

All she said was, “Men cheat. They’ll love you and still cheat with others. The earlier you understand this, the better.”

When Collins came back to beg, he made an impression on me, he looked remorseful. When I told him I wasn’t coming again, he left. In the evening, I had a notification from my bank. When I checked, a little over GHC4,000 had been credited to my account. It came from him. Minutes later, I had a message from him, “This is all I have left in my account. I’ll starve to have you so it becomes a lesson to me.”

“Wow, that’s indeed a remorseful man,” I told myself. It wasn’t about the money. It was the gesture and the extent he would go to get my forgiveness that touched my heart. We had a lengthy conversation afterwards. I agreed to forgive him because of his remorse. I told him I would never hold it against him or even remember. It was a clean slate for both of us.

It was hard but I let it go. Akos was in my ears like that annoying mosquito that wouldn’t bite you but sing for you because it sees itself as the best musician in the world. We began again from a place of beauty, a place of forgiveness and willingness to go again after a heartbreak.

He cheated again before we clocked a year together as a couple. We went through the same process again where he sent me money as a form of punishment to himself. I got GHC6,000 that day. I knew he was lying when he said it was all he had. I forgave him this time too not because I felt he was remorseful. Instead, I felt I’d been duly compensated for the hurt I would go through.

He cheated again and again until it was no longer about love but business. When I caught him cheating, he paid. I was out of love with him but I wouldn’t leave him because I was being paid for the job I was doing. Instead of spending my days loving him, I spent my days developing strategies to catch him cheating. He loved me, it was written all over his face but I couldn’t for the life of me understand why he could go after something he could get from me.

A year after the last cheating incident, he was a better man. He told me he hadn’t cheated again and I could believe him because his work showed. And my investigation supported his assertion but unfortunately, I was out of love with him while he had built his world around me. I decided to tell him the truth and leave him. Again, Akos was in my ears, “He’s not cheating again? And you want to leave him? Seriously? Are you sure you can make it on the turf of love? This is a failure!”

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Again, I listened to Akos, not because she said the truth. I was only looking for someone to believe in. I believed in Akos and kept staying with him. We’ve done three years already. The love that left crept back while I was sleeping in the night. My only fear now is that he’s talking about marriage. What if I marry him and he relapses? That will kill me. I’ve been hopeful and been burnt by hope. This time, I’m only praying the hope doesn’t kill me but reward me with a happy ever after.

— Abena

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