I Chose My Church Over Him But Now I Want Him Back

Kofi and I used to run each other but never spoke beyond greetings. We would just look at each other, greet, and pass. I am not sure I paid much attention to him even. I had a boyfriend who was everything to me so other men rarely made a mark on me.

Somewhere in 2020, my boyfriend and I went through a painful breakup. I was so heartbroken that I was sure I would never heal. It was just around that time that Kofi eventually spoke to me. It’s interesting how you can easily connect with someone when you actually talk to them. That day we exchanged contacts and promised to keep in touch.

A week after consistent communication, he proposed love to me. Yes, it was too soon. I know. Nonetheless, there are certain things that just click. It’s like a soul connection. When you meet someone you are meant to be with, you just feel it. He felt it, and so did I.

I told him, “My heart was recently broken to the extent that I thought I would never love again. But the moment we started talking I felt at peace with myself. It is as if my heart found a home in yours. So yes, I will be your girlfriend.” He was happy to hear this.

Truth be told, our relationship was so beautiful. Although I had been in a relationship before Kofi, I never had intimacy with that guy. But with Kofi, it felt right. So in early 2021, we had our first sex. This strengthened the bond of our love. Of course, the relationship was not only filled with roses and sunshine. No, we had thorns and storms too but we sailed through every one of them.

However, it got to a point where our storms overcame us. We were constantly fighting so we broke up. A while after the break up we started missing each other terribly. So we sat down and resolved all our problems. Then we got back together.

Things picked up beautifully. Everything we did wrong in the past, now we did right. The things that used to make us fight, became things we resolved through communication. We were in a perfectly good place.

Five months after we got back together, I got pregnant. When I told Kofi about the news he took it well. He even went with me to my first antenatal visit. Our communication also grew stronger. He did his best to make me calm and relaxed so the stress of the pregnancy doesn’t get to me too much.

When I finally broke the news of the baby to my parents, they asked to meet Kofi. He showed up and accepted responsibility for everything. As time went by, I started feeling the stress of carrying the child. My hormones were all over the place. So every little inconvenience Kofi caused me made me sad and angry. I was constantly crying and we were always fighting.

Seven months into the pregnancy, he decided that he couldn’t take it anymore. So he dumped me. I was so heartbroken but for the sake of my unborn child, I held myself together till I delivered. We had a beautiful baby girl.

After the baby was born, Kofi started coming to my house to visit. I lived with my parents and siblings who welcomed him wholeheartedly. He, on the other hand, lived with his mother. His mother knew about the baby but she never called or texted to check up on us. She didn’t even attempt to know where I lived.

My parents asked Kofi a lot of questions but he couldn’t tell us why his mother didn’t seem to care. So they got upset and told Kofi, “If your mother wants nothing to do with the baby, then you are not welcomed here anymore.” Despite this development, Kofi and I tried to rebuild our relationship.

But it seems the universe wouldn’t stop throwing obstacles our way. We belong to different churches so that too became another problem. My church disfellowshipped me when I got pregnant, but after I had the baby, I wanted to go back and worship with them. I knew they wouldn’t allow me to marry Kofi because of our denominational differences so I had to tell Kofi we could no longer rebuild our relationship. He didn’t take it well.

He lost weight, acted cold toward me, and avoided me like the plague. I also had temper issues so I didn’t handle the change in his behavior. I disrespected him when I got the chance. I also picked fights with him at the slightest inconvenience. One day he told me, “I really love you, and I was hoping we could find a way around your church problems. But you are not treating me well so let’s not bother. We should just be co-parents to our daughter.”

My parents got involved in the issue. They wanted us to work things out but Kofi stood by his decision. I also stood by mine and chose my church over him. My parents had no choice but to leave us alone.

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Now I have gone back to my church, but I don’t feel right in my spirit. I miss Kofi so much that I can’t imagine a life without him. I still love him and I have realized that I want him back. However, he gives me the cold shoulder. When I try to talk to him, he is rude. He would hang up on me in the middle of a conversation. When I text him, he would reply it after hours or even days. He has even warned me not to call him again.

Upon everything he has done, I still want him back. This is because I know that he still loves me. He told me in the past that the only thing keeping us apart is my church. That’s why I know there is still hope. I haven’t seen him in a while because my parents have stopped him from coming near our daughter until he pays them a sum of money as compensation for impregnating me out of wedlock. He can’t afford the money so he is staying away. If not for that, I would have had the chance to see him and tell him how I feel.

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The other day a close friend of ours told me, “Kofi confided in me about his feelings for you. He said he still loves you but he is afraid of your bad temper. I am sure that if you work on it, he will give you a second chance.” I have tried to work on my temper but it’s so hard. I’m also looking at the mountains in our path; my church’s disapproval, my parents’ disappointment, and his mother’s indifference. I don’t know if we can conquer all this and be together.

So I have been thinking I should just let him go so I  focus on raising our daughter. Will I be making the right decision if I do this?

—Abla