About a husband stopping his wife from going to school—this is my experience. My husband didn’t want me to go back to school either. For two years, he kept saying no, so I bought the forms without telling him. When I got the admission, I told him. When he realized I’d gone too far to be stopped, he asked me to choose evening classes instead of weekend classes.

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Evening classes felt like too much to handle. I would go to work, close late, struggle to find a car to campus, and return home very late at night, only to start all over again the next day. So, I insisted on keeping the weekend classes. He burst out in anger, “You see why we fight? You don’t listen to me. You want to go for the weekend classes—who’ll take care of the kids when I want to go watch football or see my friends?”

I got a DSTV installed in our house so he wouldn’t have to go out to watch football. I paid for the installation and was also paying the monthly subscription. Later, he told me it didn’t feel the same as watching football outside.

So, on some Friday nights, I had to take the kids to my mom in Dawhenya—we lived in Taifa—and pick them up on Sunday night. I was always stressed, but I didn’t give up. While my grades were falling, my husband did nothing to help. House chores were on me, cooking was essentially my job, and taking care of the kids was also my responsibility. Sometimes, I would come home after school and have to cook for him because the food in the fridge was too old.

In my thesis, I dedicated my success to him for giving me the opportunity to go to school and for being the backbone of everything. In one of my graduation photos, he wore my academic gown and held my cup, and I lifted his hand up as the one who orchestrated everything.

All the time he was going out in the name of meeting friends and watching football—the reason I had to send the kids to my mom—he was seeing another woman. I saw it. I had evidence. I read some messages on his phone, and one of his friends also snitched. A lady from my church saw them in a hotel where she works. She told me everything, but I didn’t do anything about it.

I needed peace to complete my master’s degree, and when I did, I had a lawyer write to him about divorce. He laughed it off as a joke until I started presenting the evidence one after the other. Even then, he denied it, but as the evidence kept piling up, he started saying sorry. By then, I had already checked out of the marriage.

Today, it’s the master’s degree I earned that’s taking care of me and my kids. He doesn’t send child support, telling me that if I want him to take care of the kids, I should send them to his mother. I don’t have time for him. My salary is enough for me and my two kids. They are in a good school, and I live in a house my father built. My ex-husband goes around telling people I left him because I was cheating with a rich man. That, too, I don’t have the time to respond to.

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So, my sister, I understand your case may be different from mine, but listen—choose education because men will always choose what’s good for them, sometimes without consulting you. Even when they do, they tell you; they don’t ask you because they think they know what’s best. Be a woman without the “wo” and choose yourself.

—Cynthia

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