I met Joshua when I was twelve, and he was seventeen. Every guy in our neighbourhood was after me because my body was too developed for my age. I was just a child but I had the curves and ripeness of womanhood. And that is all the men saw. I knew they were not good for me so I turned all of them down. However, Joshua caught my attention. He was different from the others so I gave my heart to him. For two years, this guy didn’t touch me. All he did was give me books to read and asked me to share what I learned with him. He was very keen on my education than I ever was. He made sure that I did all my assignments on time. And he always shone with pride when I scored good marks. So I did my best to keep making him proud. 

After two years together, my friends started talking about their sexual escapades. Yes, we were young but some of us started early. The more they talked about it the more I wanted to experience it. The only problem was Joshua, he wouldn’t touch me. This made me feel he didn’t like me in that way. So I started giving my attention to our village’s bad boy, Peter. When Joshua saw me roaming the village with Peter, he was hurt. He begged me, “Don’t do this, don’t leave me for Peter. That guy doesn’t care about you. He only wants your body.” I ignored his warning and went ahead to be with Peter.  

It didn’t take long for Peter to start demanding that I give him my body. I knew then that he was indeed up to no good, so I run back to Joshua, and he took me back. Along the line, I completed JSS with an aggregate of 8 and it made him so proud of me. That day we celebrated my success in a way that got me pregnant. My grandmother and I found out about the pregnancy a month after it took seed. By then too my mother who lived in the UK was making preparations for me to join her. So my grandma spoke to a nurse in our house to help us get rid of the pregnancy. Three weeks after the deed was done, my mum came for us and I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to my first love.  

I didn’t have any way of keeping in touch with him so that ended our relationship. I went through life searching for him in all the men who came my way but no one made me feel the way he did until I met Obi, my husband. His calmness, gentleness, and kindness reminded me of Joshua. I love him dearly, and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to make me and our kids happy and safe. We have been married for fourteen years peacefully, until four years ago when things changed. Obi was still a kind man, but he stopped making me feel like a woman. We were just together, there was no passion, no desire, no lovemaking. We could go on for months without getting intimate with each other. When I talked to him about it he said; “It’s not my fault that I’m always tired.” 

I tried to be understanding and patient with him but he went to report me to his brother. He said I’m always on my phone, and that puts him off. Yes, he was right. I was always on my phone reading. I didn’t have friends, and my husband was always too tired to talk to me or touch me, so I buried myself in books whenever I had the chance. I could read all through the night. It brought me the kind of comfort I wasn’t getting from my partner. I explained this to his brother, and let him know that if my husband starts paying attention to me again, I would reduce the amount of time I spent on books. He told me he would talk to him, and he did, but nothing changed in the marriage. 

In 2019, we went to Nigeria for holidays with the kids. While we were there my father took ill. So when my husband was leaving for the UK the next year, he asked me to stay behind with the kids and take care of my dad. It was the Covid-19 era so I agreed. During my stay there I visited Joshua’s parents just to greet them and hopefully run into their son. But every time I went there, he was either in Lagos or somewhere else. I was in the village for over a month and he didn’t visit his parents until his mother fell ill. That was when we started talking via text. We spoke about life, family, career, and our parents’ health problems. 

One morning I woke up to a missed call from him. I was surprised because he had never called me the entire time we reconnected. Then I saw a text from him; “My mum didn’t make it.” I was devastated, and rushed to their place to offer my condolences to the family. I stayed by his side till the final funeral arrangements. My mother became concerned; “You are a married woman. It’s not your place to be by Joshua’s side through everything. Be careful.” I didn’t argue with her on the matter, because the funeral was done so I believed I would see less of Joshua.   

However, he invited me to his real estate investment event one day, only because I had expressed interest in investing in his business. It was all innocent for me until he got onto the podium to speak about his new project. Seeing him educating the audience turned me on and sent me back to my first encounter with him. The moment that happened, I chastised myself; “You are a married woman, and Joshua is a disciplined person. So stop thinking in that direction.” I was even embarrassed by my thoughts.  

On our way back from the event he started asking why I didn’t try to contact him after I left the country. He replayed our first time together like it was yesterday. He said it stuck with him throughout the years. I was shocked that he still remembered everything. I thought it was only girls who remembered such details. That night we reminisced about the night we both lost our virginity. Let me cut out the details and just say that I ended up spending the night at his place. I got up with so much regret in my heart that I run out of the house.  

When I got home I sent him an email about our mistake, and how I only want us to be good friends and nothing more. We both vowed not to cross that line ever again, and we never did. Three months after our stay in Nigeria, my daughters and I returned to the UK. The kids are fourteen and ten. I noticed that when we arrived home, they started being disrespectful to me. I complained to my sister, and she had a talk with them. Thirty minutes after the talk my oldest daughter sent me a text that read; “I read your email to uncle Joshua. We know what you both did. I told grandma about it so she also knows. We will continue behaving like this toward you until you confess to daddy.”  

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I called both girls downstairs immediately and had a talk with them. We were talking when my husband walked in on us. I saw the triumphant looks on their faces. They thought they were going to out me, but unbeknownst to them, I had already come clean to my husband. We sent the girls to their rooms and had a talk of our own. “The girls know,” I told him. He nodded and said, “I know. Your mother told me they reported you to her.” I was shocked, “My mother reported me to you? She never mentioned anything to me.” My husband said, “After you confessed that you cheated on me, your mother also called me. She told me that you were spending a lot of time with Joshua and that he had hypnotized you to do his bidding. She said you spent some nights outside the house so I should keep my eyes on you. Then she asked me not to tell you about everything she said. That’s why I didn’t tell you anything about her report. The good thing is I already knew about what happened, so it wasn’t news to me.”

He went on; “As we already discussed, this is partly my fault. You complained about what was lacking in our marriage but I didn’t listen. I am listening now, and though it’s difficult to accept what you did, I’m working on it. And we are working on fixing what’s broken in the marriage. Let’s just accept that it’s going to be more difficult to convince our daughters to let it go.”

The most hurtful part about the revelations that took place was my mother’s betrayal. I kept asking myself,” What was she hoping to achieve by reporting me to my husband?” She could have confronted me. She could have reported me to my pastor, my dad, or any elder in our family, but no, she chose to go directly to my husband. If I had delayed in confessing what I did to Obi, my mother would have beaten me to it, and consequently ruined my marriage. The pressure and shock from what my mother did gave me a mild stroke. I was admitted to the hospital for a week, and my husband was by my side through it all. When I was discharged too, he took some days off work and took good care of me. This has brought us closer together, and we are making progress with getting our daughters to forgive me.

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Currently, my relationship with my husband is thriving but, my blood pressure goes up whenever I think about how my mother snitched on me to him. My daughters are too young to understand that marriage is not black and white, so I understand their behaviour. But my mother? What’s her excuse? The good thing is that my husband took everything well, and he apologized for his neglect. We have both forgiven each other and we are no longer leaving our marriage to chance. My problem now is how this whole thing with my mum is eating me up. She still doesn’t know that I know what she did. Should I confront her or should I just love her from afar?” 

—Ariel

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