I want to ask the ladies here who were betrayed by men they helped if they got bitter afterward. And if they did, how they overcame it. I helped my partner when he was broke. I was his compass when he felt lost. I was the hand that wiped his tears. The one who nourished his body with meals and fed his soul with hope when hunger and hopelessness consumed him. Now it’s beginning to feel like I committed a crime by being good to him.

I was in a bind at the time I met him. My rent was about to expire. I had some money but it was not enough to cover the full cost. I was having a conversation with him when it came up; the cost of rent and other expenses. “If that’s the case then why don’t you move in with me? I have the place to myself. We can live together so you save on rent.” 

On a good day I would have said no. I never entertained the thought of living with a boyfriend but this was not one of those good days. My back was pressed against the wall. It made his offer look like my eleventh-hour miracle. So I agreed to live with him. 

He didn’t have a job but I did. This meant he didn’t have a dime to contribute to expenses in the home. I was the breadwinner. I never made him feel emasculated about it though. Whatever I earned, we spent it together. The way he treated me made him worth the effort in my eyes. 

He was the perfect boyfriend for me; calm and very respectful. He was always appreciative of the ways I took care of him. He also treated me like a queen. I remember thinking, “If he is treating me like a queen when he has nothing, then it means he will treat me like a treasure when he finally makes it.” That’s how deeply I felt his love for me.

I continued to encourage him while he made efforts to gain employment. By God’s grace he got a job three months ago. I was overwhelmed with joy when he shared the news with me. “At long last, my boyfriend’s fortune is turning around for the better,” I rejoiced. Little did I know the plans he had for me. 

I wouldn’t have believed it if someone had told me things would take a 180-degree turn between us. We are in completely opposite places from where we used to be when he was jobless. All I do now is cry. He looks at me and says “Wo sika sem wo fem, enti wontumi 3mboa me wɔ obra akwantuo yi mu.” I was shocked to hear this. When he didn’t have a job my money was more than enough for us but now that he is earning money, I am too broke for him. 

He said my money was too small and that it wouldn’t help him through life.

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I told him, “If that’s the case then help me set up a business. I will make money to add to what I earn from my regular job. Then I will be able to stand by you financially through life.” He ignored me. 

Now, he insults me whenever he gives me money. This was the same person I used to give money to on a daily basis. Not once did I insult or disrespect him because of it.

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I feel sad for myself sometimes. He treats me like trash but I am still here. That’s because he is right. My money is too small. I am still working but I don’t earn much. I can’t afford to move out. So I’m enduring every bit of his insults. 

I am hurt and heartbroken. I want to let go of my hurt for the sake of peace, but the memories of what I have done for him and his current words to me cut deep. Please, I need some words of comfort. I am already beating myself up for allowing this to happen, but I am tired of hating myself. I want to forgive myself and forgive him as well so that I can move on.

— Veronique

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