When she became my girlfriend, the first advice she gave me was, “Leave your parents’ house and rent your own place.” I didn’t see the need to do that. It’s Accra we live. It’s not easy to get a place like my parents’ house for cheap. She brought it up on different occasions but I told her I’ll leave when it’s convenient.

She stopped talking about it but everything showed she wasn’t pleased about the situation. Whenever she had to visit me, she complained. Whenever my mom or dad didn’t smile, she said it was because of her. I explained why I didn’t need to leave but she told me, “You can only be a man when you experience life outside the wings of your parents.”

We’ve been able to do two years of relationship and want to take things further. I mentioned marriage to her and she laughed. She said, “You’re going to marry while living with your parents? No way. Do you even know how to take care of yourself?”

Yes, I do. I’ve been working and supporting my parents to pay the bills. I take care of myself, though I live with them. I’ve seen my dad be a man and I’ve learnt a lot from him. I can hold a home. I can be a husband. I can take care of a family. What again?

She’s not convinced. She took me to see her parents’ house. She said, “You see how big and comfortable it is here? But I left so I can learn life skills on my own.”

Currently, we are in limbo. She wants me to rent a place and live on my own for at least a year before thinking about marriage. She wants to come to a house I call my own and see if I can turn it into a home. Does that even make sense? I feel she wants me to waste money on rent. She feels it’s the right thing to do. I feel it’s not necessary.

On whose side are you? You think I’ll be a bad husband just because I live with my parents?

–Farouk

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