My daughter was living with my mom. She was five years then and needed motherly care. Because she was a girl, I figured she would thrive very well under the care of a woman. When my marriage with her mom broke down, her mother used her as a tool to extort money from me. I would pay school fees twice in a term because she said she had changed her school. She would change her school without telling me. She would take her to schools I could barely afford their fees. I couldn’t stand it so I started a battle to take my daughter away from her. It got heated and got to a level of acrimony but in the end, I took my daughter away from her and sent her to my mother.

When my mother was busy and couldn’t attend to her school calls, I attended. That was the reason I was at the PTA that day. My mom travelled for a funeral so I went for my daughter to live with me until my mom returned. I took her to school one morning and saw this lady I once sat next to at the PTA meeting. She smiled at me and I smiled back. She said, “At the PTA, remember?” I answered, “Oh yeah at the PTA. I hope you’re doing well?” 

We exchanged a few words and later entered the school’s office to make the weekly payment for our kids. We sat on the same bench waiting for our turn. We picked up the conversation from there.

I thought she was beautiful and well mannered so I looked at her finger. No ring. I intensified the conversation until she got served and said goodbye to me. The next morning when I sent my girl to school, I hung around for a while, hoping I will see this lady again. It looked like she had come and gone so I didn’t meet her on that day. I did the same thing the following day and the next. I didn’t meet her. When my mom came, I kept my daughter with me. I still wanted to use her as an excuse to meet the lady again. I tried again and this time we met. She came with a beautiful car to drop her son off. The car got me to reconsider my dreams but the man in me said, “What can come can come. Keep going.” 

Again we exchanged smiles. We talked a little and sent our kids in. When we were coming back I asked for her name. “Abena. Or you want my full name?” She asked. I answered, “Full name is the name so I will do with a full name.” She did give me her full name and asked for mine too. We stood outside for a while and by the time I was leaving, I had her number on my phone. When I got to the school the next morning and she wasn’t there, I called her, “Are you coming? or you’ve already come and gone?” She said she had come already because she had to travel early morning. That very day, my mom forcibly came for my daughter. She didn’t understand why I was keeping her when she had come long ago. 

I told her the full story; “I’ve met a nice woman in her school. She looks like someone who’s down to earth. I meet her every morning when I take her to school. It was the reason I was keeping her a while.” My mom in her typical self said, “So you’re not keeping her because you want to but because you’re using her to get to another woman? You still haven’t learned any lesson at all from your previous marriage? If I were you I would fear women, looking at the battle you’ve been through with one.” I stopped talking to her. I didn’t want her to wet my blanket. 

One evening, I sent Abena a message, “I don’t see you these days in the school. What’s happening to you or you’re not in town?” That question pushed us into a conversation that lasted for hours. We didn’t even say goodbye. At some point, she stopped responding. I thought it was late so I didn’t push it. When she woke up the next morning, she responded to my message and we took it up from there. We never said goodbye while chatting. We would leave it hanging and pick it up from where we left it off the last time. 

She wasn’t married as I expected. She got pregnant by a man she thought she was going to get married to. It was when she announced her pregnancy to the man that she got to know the man was married and had a family in another town. She got shuttered. For several days, the man was on her pleading with her to abort it. She told me, “At some point, I even stopped thinking about the pregnancy and thought about the heartbreak I was going through. I thought too much pain will cause the baby to come out but it never happened. While he was pleading with me to abort, I was thinking about what I could do to hurt him back.” 

Here’s the interesting part… 

She worked her way up into the man’s life again, telling him she had aborted. While the man was happy and off his guard, she stole his wife’s number and texted her. Abena texted the wife while Abena was with the man. She told the wife everything the man had done to her and announced that she was carrying his baby. When the woman showed signs of not believing her story she called her and gave the phone to her husband. The man didn’t know he was talking to his wife because Abena told him her friend wanted to talk to him. He was all gay and blasting happily on the phone when his wife mentioned his name. She told the man, “I still have the baby and I’m going to give birth. I thought your wife should know about us.”

When she was telling me the story I was like, “Wow, here I am thinking she’s a softie, down to earth and won’t hurt a fly. She can do all that?”

I loved her more when I got to know her story. With time, she got to know my intentions about her and she sort of leaned into me. We met often after work. She would drive me home and later go to her house. I proposed one day and she said, “I’ve been off the dating scene long ago. I will only consider a relationship if it’s leading to something serious. I have a child. I can’t go around playing games.”

Our relationship started off nicely. I loved her son but I asked questions. I wanted to know where the father is and their relationship. She told me, “His wife divorced him because of me so he swore never to be a part of my life. He thought I was using the pregnancy to trap him. I didn’t care. I don’t even want him around my son. He’s not the kind of father I would like my son to look up to.” She asked about my story and I told her. I was married to the woman I had a child with. The marriage broke down because the two of us were not compatible.

I met her parents and they were happy to meet me until they got to know I had a daughter. 

Her mom especially was vehemently against me and seized every opportunity to let me know about it. She told her daughter I was after her money. “He knows you’re comfortable. He’s just looking for a mother for her daughter. Don’t fall for the trap.” It was hard for her to ignore her parents but my words were stronger. My commitment to her was renewed every day. I made her see the reason I wanted her in my life. She was hanging in there not knowing what to do until my mother also came along with her wahala. “Lookout what you’ve been through and learn a lesson. If you want a woman, I’m here. I will take care of the child until she’s of age. If you want a woman to marry, it shouldn’t be that woman. A woman with an anklet? She even has a nose ring. What do you see in  her?”

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Abena called one day to tell me, “Now the opposition is coming from both ends. Let’s not stretch it if you don’t have the strength. We are not too far gone. We can call it quits and reserve our peace.” I asked her, “Apart from the opposition from our parents, do you have any other reason you think should stand against us?” She answered, “No.” I said, “Then let’s keep fighting. My mother is not a problem to me. I’ll bring her down. I will meet your father man to man and convince him. Just run your fingers through your mom’s hair so she calms down. We’ll be fine.”

It took us two years and a few months before we were able to get these old folks to agree. We had to rent a place together and started living together before they came to realize there was nothing they could do. My mom fought the hardest and I could understand her. She was the only one I cried on when I was going through the divorce. She was scared for me and I understood her but I knew the heart of Abena and I knew she was the right woman for me. One day, I went home with Abena and my mom said, “Let me talk to her alone.” 

I gave them space and when I returned, I saw my mom crying while Abena’s hands were around her. She told her everything I’d been through and begged her not to do the same thing to me. 

When we were leaving Abena said, “You didn’t tell me the whole story. You gave me a watered-down version of the events leading to your marriage. I now understand your mom.” 

My Husband Gave Me A Dead Woman’s Ring–Beads Media

We’ve been married for four years now and have our own child. Abena is doing better than me, obviously because she has a great job but never has she disrespected me because of her money. She never takes a decision without my input. We are always together as a team, building a nest we are always happy to come to. We have three children between us and we’ve decided not to go again. We treat them the same way. They don’t know any other parents apart from us. My daughter knows her mom because she goes to her once in a while but when she’s with us, there’s no other mom apart from Abena.

Abena has been through a lot so she respects what she has now and knows how to protect it. I have been through a lot too so I appreciate the sweetness of what’s happening to me now. I will go to every length to protect it so it lasts as long as we want it to last. Our parents? They are finally at peace knowing their fears were not valid.

— Akwasi A. B

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