I met him during my national service. I’m not the type who easily gets close to people, but somehow, I bonded with him quickly. He was married, older, and well-liked by almost everyone. We talked about everything. We argued, we laughed. I saw him as a big brother.

I wanted to be someone he could lean on. I even thought that if he felt cared for, he wouldn’t be tempted to cheat on his wife, especially since they were in a long-distance marriage. Then one day, he said he liked me. I always replied, “I don’t like you.” But every time I said that, he would become moody and give me attitude. I wasn’t in any other relationship, so his behaviour got to me. I’d always end up apologising, and we’d move on, but he never stopped telling me he liked me.

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My best friend was in another region and always busy, so he became the person I talked to. He invited me to his house, and I started visiting. At first, we respected each other and kept our distance. But then he started asking for a kiss.

After NSS, I was mostly at home. He’d call, and I’d show up. I started feeling like I was losing myself. I told him he should convince his wife to come live with him. He simply said she was fine where she was.

One day, I travelled and got back late. I asked to sleep over and leave the next morning. He agreed. That night, he started talking about sex. I said everything I could to stop him. I reminded him he was married. I reminded him about his wife. But he didn’t stop.

If I’m being honest, I had feelings for him. But I knew I wouldn’t be okay if someone did the same to me. I tried to kill the feeling. I wanted us to just be friends. It didn’t work

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We had sex and I left the next morning sick with regret. I told myself it would never happen again. But he didn’t stop, and I couldn’t stop talking to him either.

Then one day, I saw him at the mall with a new NSS girl. They looked like a couple. I didn’t say anything. I was in love. We met again, and it happened again. This time, I asked God for forgiveness. I started trying to pull away. He didn’t seem sorry and didn’t look like someone who wanted to stop.

A week later, he said he had travelled to his hometown, where his wife lives. I stopped calling because I didn’t want to disturb their time together. But I had to reach out for a work-related matter. He didn’t answer.  A week passed. Still no response.

My soul got tired. My heart started aching. I didn’t know what to do. When he later responded, he gave all the reasons under the sun and asked that I forgive him for shunning me. Of course I forgave him, but what I didn’t understand. There was no sign this was coming. I wanted to know what I did wrong. He wasn’t ready to tell me, so I asked God for forgiveness and started praying for him and his wife. I prayed that God would bless them with the fruit of the womb. I prayed on every altar I visited.

 

Five days ago, I saw one of his close friends making a call near a market. I stood a few steps behind, waiting to say hi. To my shock, he was talking about me and everything that happened between me and his friend to someone I didn’t even know. I was shocked and emotional. The street was busy, so I left quietly without being noticed.

I cried. I asked myself so many questions. I don’t know what made me sleep with someone’s husband. That’s not me. I’ve always been against it. I kept praying. I kept asking God to forgive me.

Recently, I fell sick and bought some medicine. The symptoms subsided, but I fell ill again yesterday and went to the hospital. That’s when I found out I’m 10 weeks pregnant.

God, I’ve been a good girl all my life. Why does this one mistake have to haunt me like this?

Please help me. I’m losing it. I’ve thought about ending the pregnancy. I hate what this man did to me. I hate what this could do to his wife. But I’m 28. I’m not getting any younger.

He’s the one who introduced me to this platform.

Please help me.

—Maria

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