I met Leroy in 2011 during my final year at the university. I was doing my dissertation at the time and he happened to work at the company I used for my research data collection. He was nice to me and showed signs that he wanted to get to know me on a personal level but I didn’t pay him much attention. I was not in a good place at that time because I had just ended a three-year relationship with the first guy I ever dated. That’s why I did my best to swat away Leroy’s attention. However, he was relentless.

He kept getting close to me until he finally expressed interest in starting a relationship with me. I turned him down but he wouldn’t back down. So I caved in and accepted his proposal. Even after I did, I believed he would turn out exactly like my ex. He didn’t exhibit any signs to show he would but I didn’t take anything he did or said seriously. Then I found myself stranded shortly after we got into a fight. I was the cause of the fight so I didn’t expect him to come to my aid, but he dropped everything and helped me out of the situation.

From that day onward, I made a decision to be good to him. But along the line, I ran into my ex and things got intimate between us. I regretted my actions immediately after it happened. I couldn’t tell Leroy what I did but I tried to break up with him. He didn’t let me. “Whatever the problem is, we can talk about it,” he pleaded. At this point, I chose to forgive myself and just carry on with the relationship.

By and by, I grew to love him. When he later found out about my encounter with my ex, it almost ended our relationship. But I had fallen so deeply in love with him that I fought to make him stay. He did.

In September 2012, he got the opportunity to travel to Qatar for work. I also travelled to the States in April 2013. The long-distance was hard considering that was not how we started but I held on to a promise he made me that we would get married in 2018. It was a long way to go but I loved him enough to wait for him.

While he was in Qatar, I tried to visit him but every time he told me, “The laws here don’t permit a girlfriend’s visit. It would have been different if you were my wife or sister.” I then suggested he visit me instead. He agreed and we planned everything, but when it was time for him to go to the US Embassy for a Visa, he missed the appointment. After re-booking it, he still found reasons not to go. I was not happy with his attitude but things were still good between us.

It was when he returned to Ghana in 2015 that we started growing distant. He rented an apartment and shared photos with me. That was it. Everything else he did, he refused to share with me. First, it was his birthday party. I asked for photos but he didn’t send a single one. From there, the distance widened. He became too busy to talk to me. I kept asking if I did anything wrong but he always assured me we were good. “I have just been busy, that’s all.” I became so depressed and even started taking antidepressants.

Right from that time, I was the only one pushing for things to work but I didn’t mind. I kept telling myself, “He is the only man I love so where would I go? If I stay till 2018, we will get married.” Ladies and gentlemen, when 2018 arrived he said he didn’t want to be in a long-distance relationship anymore. I was completely broken but I couldn’t have forced him. I said ok and wished him well.

For some reason, he couldn’t stay gone. He kept coming back to me but whenever the topic of marriage came up, he would shut off. We did this back and forth until I visited him in Ghana in 2021, in hopes that my physical presence would persuade him to make a commitment. Could you believe he never showed me where he lived even though I asked countless times? Whenever I asked us to go out and eat, he would bring food to my hotel room under the guise of catching up on work. It was as if I was a dirty little secret he had to hide. 

For my entire eight-day stay in the country, he didn’t go out in public with me until the time came for him to drive me to the airport. So in December 2021, I called things off with him for good. That was even after I found out from his cousin that he had been dating a Ghanaian girl since 2018. I asked him about it and he did not deny it. I had no other choice but to force myself to move on.

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Currently, he is in the States. No, he didn’t come through my help but he reached out and asked if I could help him settle in. He doesn’t live far away from me but we are not together. That’s because he says he is not interested in a relationship anymore. “You and I are more compatible as friends than we were as lovers.” He told me this after I asked if he still liked me so we get married. I was disappointed but I said okay.

Now, he is trying to start a business in software development so he is always coming to me for help whenever he needs someone to point him in the right direction.

We Broke Up Because Her Mother Didn’t Like Me | Hot Seat

Looking back at our history and how I still feel about him, I didn’t want to be his friend. But I understand that moving to a new place can be difficult so I allow myself to be there for him. He is thankful to have me around, however, it’s been difficult for me. It isn’t that I find him desirable. It’s the familiarity I am used to.

Also, he reminds me of all the years I wasted waiting for him and all the good men I turned away for his sake, and it hurts. I want to get married and have children but his presence in my life makes it hard for me to look at other men as serious suitors. I imagine they will all waste my time like he did. That’s why I’m here seeking counsel. Will I be a bad person if I cut off the man who wasted my youth? It feels weird being his friend.

— Joycelyn

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