I have tried to share my story a few times in the past but I have lacked the courage to send it. Even as I am sharing it today, it’s because I get to hide behind the shield of anonymity. I just have to get this off my chest, and hopefully some good counsel. This is what happened…

I met this Nigerian guy in Ghana who expressed interest in me. He came to Ghana for work. I liked him enough to date him, however, I wasn’t serious about him. I don’t mean in the sense that I treated him poorly, no, far from that. It was more of an adventure for me. That’s because it is my first relationship. So I was all about experiencing how it feels to be in a relationship.

I am from a good home. I have not really known lack in life. My parents taught me to be an independent woman so I never had financial expectations going into the relationship. Even in my regular circles, I am not one to expect anything from anyone around me in terms of money. Once I have what I need, I am fine. Whatever you give me, however little goes a long way to make me feel loved.

That’s the same attitude I transferred into the relationship. It never occurred to me that my boyfriend had to show a gesture or two, at least once in a while. I was just there in the relationship. I was rather the one sending him airtime, and money whenever he mentioned that he was broke. I was doing all these things for him because he was away from home. I figured someone had to look out for him, and who better than his girlfriend?

Well, in 2023 I also found myself in Nigeria. By then he had also gone back home. The same thing that brought him to Ghana took me to Nigeria. I was even happy when I found out I was going to his home state, Port Harcourt. Trust me, it wasn’t planned. Just a pleasant coincidence. At least that’s what I thought.

Honestly, finding myself in Nigeria changed things for me concerning the relationship. I told myself it was destiny. So I decided to stop considering the relationship as adventure, and actually apply myself to it. I put my heart into it and became more serious about him.

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I believe that was when I started noticing all the things I was blind to. The most important for me was his attitude toward giving. Right from 2021 when we started dating, he has never offered me anything. I don’t want to use the word give, so I don’t sound entitled but yes, that’s it. Because I never asked, he also never bothered to be generous.

It Will Be Difficult For Me To Commit To One Person

Anyway, I’m still here in Nigeria and we are still dating. I went to the market one Saturday and spent more than I had budgeted. By the time I was done, I didn’t have any left for transportation back home. It was difficult for me but I mastered courage and called my boyfriend. “Please, I am stranded. Can you help me with two thousand naira to get home?” This guy opened his mouth and asked, “When will you pay it back?” I was so stunned that I hung up.

I had no option but to trek home. Till now, this guy hasn’t noticed that what he did to me was unkind. He didn’t even ask me how I got home. I have thought of quietly walking away from him but now my heart is in it. I keep telling myself that if I walk away now, I would be throwing away four years of my time with him. What do I do?

—Amy

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