I met Sampson right after I completed university. He was still in school when we met but that didn’t get in the way of our friendship. We became so close in such a short while that we couldn’t go a day without talking to each other. Soon enough, our friendship blossomed into a beautiful relationship. Both our families knew we were together and they gave us their blessings. Sampson and I planned that we would settle down in our fourth year together. We were well on track until he cheated on me after two years.

Cheating is a deal breaker for me so my first thought was to leave him. However, I loved him so much that when he asked me to give him another chance, I couldn’t say no. It took a lot for me to be fully into the relationship after what happened but I got there. We worked on repairing the trust he broke. I remember praying to God to help me overcome the hurt his actions caused me. Eventually, I truly forgave him and we got to a place of peace and left the past behind us.

A year after all that drama, I got a new job and was posted to Accra to work. Fortunately, Sampson was also posted to Accra to do his national service. Everything aligned for us as we moved into our future. I settled in well in Accra and started making new friends at my workplace. Generally, I love people and people tend to gravitate toward me. So it was easy for me to get along well with my co-workers. That was the genesis of my boyfriend’s insecurity problems. I don’t know if it was because he cheated on me or what? He just kept acting like I would meet someone more exciting than him and dump him or cheat on him.

I assured him, “Everything is okay. You have nothing to worry about. It’s only you I have eyes for.” And to prove to him that all is well, I told him of every move I made. If I was joining someone at church, I informed him. If I was going out with friends for whatsoever reason, I informed him. He knew every detail of my day. All these, I did so I could put his mind at ease because I was really in love with this guy.

Unfortunately, his insecurities run deeper than my assurances. No matter how often I assured him that I wasn’t going anywhere he wouldn’t relax. “Who are you talking to?” he would ask. “Why didn’t you answer the phone immediately after it rang?” “I don’t like this person in your life. Stop talking to him.” These and many other things he did to make the relationship unbearable for me. I felt so suffocated. Everywhere I looked, he was there. I endured it for a while but I got tired. One day I told him, “We should spend some time apart so that I can think about my place in this relationship.” This didn’t sit well with him.

He tried to dissuade me from taking the break but my mind was made up. I had had enough. When I realized he wouldn’t stop pushing, I said many unpleasant words to him to get him off my back. At the same time I was trying to shake him off, I was having very unpleasant dreams about our relationship. A friend of mine also told me she had bad dreams about my relationship. I took it as a sign that we should spend some time apart. I told my family about what was going on and they reached out to his family, but they couldn’t be bothered to get back to us.

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Two months into the break, Sampson sent me a very long message full of hurtful words. I had a friend called Kwame. We were just friends but Sampson insisted that I was sleeping with the guy, all because this guy helped me solve a personal issue that Sampson couldn’t help me solve. I think this was the last straw for me. His words hit me very hard although they were untrue. I told myself, “There is no way I would take him back after this.” I was done with him and he was also done with me. I didn’t hear from him for two years after he sent that text message. The entire time, I was single and doing my best to heal from my experience with Sampson.

When I felt better, I decided to move on with my life. By then too my friendship with Kwame had grown close and we had a very strong connection. We decided to see if there could be anything more between us so we gave love a shot. Things were a little awkward in the beginning but we pushed through it and got to a place of comfort. As time went on, we managed to build something amazing. Kwame is resourceful, helpful, and loving. There is nothing I want that he won’t go the extra mile to get for me. We both have our flaws but those flaws don’t interfere with our love for each other.

After building the relationship to a point, my ex Sampson reappeared like an apparition asking me to take him back. Why on earth would I go back? After everything Kwame has done for me? I just couldn’t be ungrateful to Kwame because he loved me so much and it was very evident in everything he did for me. He is a good man and we haven’t had any issues with trust like Sampson and I did. So I decided to stay with him. I asked Sampson to move on with his life just as I have.

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My problem now is, Kwame and I planned to settle down two years ago but things haven’t gone as planned. Right now, nothing is happening to assure me that the marriage will come on. I am very worried especially after I found out that Sampson got married last year. Sometimes I wonder if I am the one he would have married if I had chosen him instead of Kwame. I know Kwame is a good man but what is the point of staying in a relationship when it hasn’t progressed to the stage of marriage? Am I right to be worried? Or I should just go with the flow till Kwame is ready to take things further?

–Kwame’s Girl

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