I was one of those girls who dreamed of having a family someday. I wanted the magazine-cover family photos. I wanted it all; a good husband, beautiful well-behaved kids, and a nice house. When I envisioned myself as a grown woman, I was not a single lady. I was a wife and a mum building a thriving career for myself. 

I didn’t just dream, I worked toward it. I stayed in school, read my books, excelled in my exams, and made something of myself when it came to my career life. The love life on the other hand, did not take the straight and narrow path. I was careful with the men I gave my heart but that did not make them careful with my heart. 

I knew what I wanted; a god-fearing man who wanted a family like I did. Someone who would be willing to meet me halfway and make the relationship work. At first, they all seemed to have and want what I wanted. However, I would start dating them only to realize they were looking out for their own interests in the relationship. All attempts to get us to be on the same page proved futile. When our differences became irreconcilable, they left without saying goodbye. This has led to several failed relationships in my history. 

How many frogs should a girl kiss before she finally meets her prince? How many heartbreaks can the human heart endure? At some point, a person gets tired of trying, hoping, and believing that there is a perfect match out there. It was when my last relationship ended that I got to this point.

I told myself, “I am done with men and any attempt to find love. I am an adult with a stable job. Instead of waiting for Mr. Right, I would rather give birth and raise my child as a single mother.” I was sure that this was the right course of action for me. 

Along the line, I relocated to a new apartment. While I was settling in, I made friends with one of my neighbours. Her name is Serwaa. Serwaa has a brother called Kay. I met him a few weeks after I moved in. “Who is your friend?” He asked her as he ogled me. When Serwaa saw the look on his face she shook her head and said, “No don’t go there.” She then turned to me and said, “Whatever he tells you, don’t mind him. He is married with three children.” I nodded politely and said okay. 

The moment Serwaa turned away, he took my phone and dialed his number. I didn’t think anything would come of it but things started changing when we started talking. I grew to like him. I knew about his marriage but the heart speaks a language the brain does not always approve of. 

When he proposed love to me I could have said no but I kept telling myself, “What’s wrong if I date him? He is the first man to show interest in me in a very long time.” So now Kay and I are having an affair. His sister doesn’t know anything about it. 

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He is a married man but he worships the ground on which I tread. He always shows up whenever I call or need him. The way he dotes on me makes me want more from our relationship than a temporary arrangement. I wish I had more than a boyfriend.

I have had a conversation with him about it. “I want to be a wife even if it means being a second wife,” I said. His response was no. “Why do you want to be a second wife when you can have a man of your own?” He asked. He believes I shouldn’t give up on having a family of my own. That’s why when I proposed to him that we have a baby, he shot it down.


The thing is, I don’t even wish to be married to him. He just treats me in a way that makes me wish I had a husband. He also doesn’t want me to get pregnant with his child. However, he refuses to use protection when we have shuperu.

I have also decided not to be on contraceptives. If I get pregnant too, I don’t intend to get rid of it. I am just here leaving things to chance. He doesn’t want me to have his child but if it happens accidentally, I am keeping it. Is it a bad idea? He is the only man who has shown interest in me in a very long time.

— Djansima

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