A few years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy who did nothing to show that he wanted a future with me. He would either tell me, “I am not ready yet,” or “Hold on a minute. Let me put a few things together first.” When his excuses became repetitive he stopped using them, and started dismissing me.

After four years together, I could no longer wait around for him to be ready. I became more determined to know the direction of the relationship. Unlike in the past where I brought up the topic every once in a while, this time around, I was quite persistent. I wish I could say that it changed his behaviour. It didn’t. He kept brushing off the subject.

It was hard for me to accept but in the end, I came to terms with the fact that the relationship had run its course. I stopped having expectations. I started looking at other options instead. When I found someone who seemed promising, I walked away from Danso to be with this new man.

I did not live with my parents when I was growing up. So when it comes to making important life decisions, I turn to the woman who raised me, my grandmother. She is the one I trust for counsel in all situations. Choosing who to settle down with was no exception.

Six months into my relationship with this new guy, I was certain that he was serious about me. He spoke of marriage right from the beginning, and his actions were consistent with his words. I didn’t have any iota of doubt in my heart that he was building a life with me. Who better to share this exciting news than my grandmother?

I told her all about the new man and the plans we made together. I could hear the smile in her voice when she said; “If this man is everything you say he is, then it’s a good thing.” Indeed, he was everything I wanted in the man I would marry. My grandmother’s approval also gave us permission to set a date and start preparations.

Three months to the date we set, I got a call from Danso at midnight. “I am not doing well at all,” he said weakly. I was concerned. When I asked what was wrong he said; “I am sick. I am too weak to go out and get medication and there is no one here to do that for me.” He sounded like a dying man. How could I have ended the call and gone back to sleep when I feared the worst could happen to him? He lived alone.

I was frantic with worry as I rushed over to his place to check up on him. Truly, things did not look good when I got there. I had to take him to the hospital at that ungodly hour.

A few days later, I went to his place to see if he was feeling better. The moment this guy saw me he started crying. “I still love you,” he said. I don’t know if it was because of how vulnerable he looked. Somehow my heart softened toward him. I lost myself a little in the spur of the moment. Before I knew it, we had done it. It happened only once.

Unfortunately, the guilt and shame I felt were not enough punishment for my actions. I ended up getting pregnant with my ex’s child. I informed this guy and he told me; “You know I am not working. I cannot afford to be a father. Why don’t you pin the pregnancy on the man you want to marry?” It didn’t feel right to me. This left me with two options. I would either have to get rid of it or confess my sins to my fiancé and accept whatever happens.

Confronted with a challenging choice, I turned to my grandmother for counsel. She didn’t entertain the thought of getting an abortion. “Call off your marriage to this new man and carry the pregnancy full term. Even if the father of the child doesn’t marry you, you will meet another man.”

I tried to keep news of the pregnancy under wraps. The plan was to hold on until I had decided on what to do. By some twisted hand of fate, I didn’t get the chance to make a decision before my fiancé got wind of the information. I don’t know who told him.

This guy didn’t even consider that we were left with a few months to get married. We could have had a conversation about what happened, so I would get rid of the pregnancy for us to continue the relationship. But he didn’t hear me out. He did not ask how it happened or whom it happened with. He just left me without a word.

After he left, I chose to keep the child. I thought I was ready for the journey of motherhood. It turned out that no amount of preparation equips you properly for certain responsibilities. My first disappointment happened when I found out Danso had other kids with different women.

I believe if I had known about the other baby mamas, I would have made different choices. Anyway, I tried to soldier on as a single mother but it hasn’t been easy. Currently, I have no financial support from my baby daddy. That’s not my main problem though.

I am a government worker so when it comes to money, we are managing. What I am struggling with is how to find love as a single mother of a seven-year-old child living with a disability. All the men who showed interest in me over the years, left me when they got to know my child is disabled.

Due to my circumstances, I struggle to go out and meet new people. Most of my time is divided between making money and being a mum. I have little social life. I wish I could be more social to increase my prospects on the dating scene, but I don’t have anyone to watch my child when I go out. That’s how come I am thirty-five and single.

READ ALSO: My Wife Has Changed So Much I Feel She’s Out Of Love But Can’t Say It

Meanwhile, my ex-fiancé is now married to my coursemate. They have two beautiful children together. I would have been happy for them had it not been that this same coursemate advised me to keep the pregnancy even if it meant losing the opportunity to get married. She said marriage wasn’t all that important but she is married to my man, enjoying the life he would have given me.

I keep asking myself why something like this would happen to me. I made a mistake when I cheated on my ex-fiancé, yes. But does the punishment fit the crime? Was it wrong of me to keep the pregnancy? How do I make my baby daddy pay for all these years of abandonment?

Men Don’t Like It When Women Do The Paying

I have felt so alone in this world since my grandma passed away last year. I am going through a lot but I have no one to confide in. The world is unkind to persons with disability and the discrimination breaks my heart. I’m not going to lie, there are times when I regret listening to my grandma, and friends who advised me to have the baby.

I have, on a few occasions, contemplated ending his life so his sufferings would end too. That way I would also get the freedom to live my life. This is the point I have gotten to. I need all the counsel I can get.

—Mercy

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

#SB