After secondary school, I went to live with my Aunt Jane. She was my favourite aunt, so I was over the moon when she invited me over.

Three weeks into my stay there, I started feeling bored. So I told her I would like to work. “I get too lonely when everyone leaves for work during the day.”

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She agreed, not because I needed the money, but because she believed I needed the work experience. “I will talk to some people around. We will find you something to keep you occupied,” she promised.

A week later, she found me a job as a shop attendant. I started work the next day. When I arrived, I met a woman who was a few years older than me. She smiled and said, “You must be Maame. I’m Sister Dela, and you’ll be working with me.”

Sister Dela won my heart with her kindness. It didn’t take long before she became a role model to me at work. We talked, laughed, and bonded over so many things.

She often spoke to me about her younger brother, Etornam. “He is around your age,” she would say. Almost every day, Etornam’s name came up in our conversations. That was when I knew he must be a good boy to be so dear to his sister’s heart.

One evening, I stepped out of the shop to get something. When I returned, there was a young man standing there. I needed no introduction. I just knew right away who he was.

I greeted him with a smile and said, “You must be Etornam.”

His face lit up with surprise when his name rolled off my tongue. I remember his smile, it was so contagious.

When his sister introduced me to him, we exchanged pleasantries, then I excused them.

That night, I couldn’t keep him out of my mind. His handsome face and his charming smile had me tossing and turning in bed. I wanted to see him again. The problem was that I didn’t have his number. And I didn’t have the courage to ask his sister for it. My only hope was to see him at church on Sunday.

I looked forward to Sunday as if my life depended on it. But when the day came, he wasn’t there. I was disappointed. It didn’t help matters that his sister talked about him throughout the week. Etornam this. Etornam that. I wished I could tell her I missed him but wishes aren’t horses.

The next Sunday a miracle happened. We were having praises when I turned around and saw him moving his body gracefully to the drums. Oh, and his face, he looked like sunshine. I smiled. Thought, “Finally, I see him again.”

He was an usher. During offering time, he passed the collection bowl to me and then smiled when he recognized me. I smiled back shyly and looked away. My heart pounded so hard that I feared the person next to me could hear it.

After church, I walked up to him and said, “Hi.” “Hello Maame,” he said in response. My name sounded special when he spoke it. His soothing voice sent the butterflies in my belly dancing.

“I want your number,” I blurted out.

He smiled and typed it into my phone. Then he asked for mine, and I gladly gave it to him. And just like that, our love story began.

I was 19 while he was 18.

Etornam became my world. We loved each other deeply. To him, I was everything, just as he was everything to me.

Before long, people started noticing our relationship, even though we had tried to keep it a secret. Some people in the church, especially older, wealthier men, believed he didn’t deserve me. Others thought I was too good for him.

I didn’t care. He was all I could see. To this day, I would say he is the love of my life. I wanted to grow old with him, you know.

Then my aunt found out. She confronted me, and I told her the truth. At that age, I believed I had the right to love someone if I chose to. But she wouldn’t hear it. She said she was disappointed in me. She called him poor. I defended him. “He is still young. He is an SHS leaver like me so it’s understandable if he doesn’t have material wealth.”

Try as hard as I did, I couldn’t convince her to accept him. Rather, she reported me to my mother. When my mother called, her words were simple; “Maame, we are Akans. We have no business marrying Ewes. Let that boy go.”

I told her I loved him, but she wouldn’t accept it. She insisted that I break up with him. I cried, I pleaded, but no one cared.

I couldn’t tell Etornam the truth. I knew how much it would hurt him. Also, I didn’t want him to know how backward my people were. I didn’t have the heart to have the conversation so I started pulling away.

I convinced myself it was better to hurt him now than later. If I had my way, I wouldn’t hurt him at all. But my education was at stake. My relationship with my mother was already strained. I thought obeying her would make things better between us. That’s why I sacrificed him, my one true love.

I cried so much. I didn’t want to live anymore. Etornam kept calling and asking, “Maame, what did I do wrong? Don’t I deserve to know?” I never had an answer for him.

Months later, I left my aunt’s place. I didn’t hear from him until two years passed. By then he was in the university. We reminisced about old times, and he asked me to visit. Since I was schooling nearby, I agreed.

When I saw him again, he looked older and more mature. We were both happy to see each other. He said he still wanted me. I smiled and said nothing. I didn’t want to give him false hope.

That night, as I lay in his arms, I realized something—he still looked at me the same way. We still loved each other. But the reality hadn’t changed.

He is Ewe, and I am Akan.

My people will never accept us.

I visited him one last time. That night, he held me and said, “Maame, you are my treasure. I love you so much.” All I did was cry.

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The next morning, I left and never went back. I loved him too but what could I have done?

It’s been eleven years since then. Everyone else seems to have moved on, except us. By this I mean, physically we’ve moved on but emotionally, we’re still holding on to each other.

The last time we spoke he said, “Maame, I still love you. But you are married now, and I have a girlfriend. There’s nothing we can do.”

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I smiled and said, “That’s true. Let’s not pay mind to feelings.” I didn’t tell him that my marriage is falling apart but I am not thinking about divorce yet. I didn’t tell him that I still hold him close to my heart.

That’s because I want to let him go. This is my dilemma. It’s been years since I walked away from him but my heart still remembers him fondly. I want to let go of him and be free but I keep failing. So I am here asking, are first loves that impossible to get rid of? Or I am the one who is not trying hard enough to let him go?

—Evelyn

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