Our marriage is barely a year old but so much has changed. He is a young pastor. We dated for one and a half years before we walked down the aisle. I remember vowing forever to Gabriel with the belief that all that we practiced during our courtship would intensify during marriage. Now, I am seeing things that I didn’t see before.

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For instance, Gabriel was not into social media when I met him. It was only after I moved in with him after marriage that he became a social media addict. I don’t know where the sudden change is coming from. 

Back then, he would call me at dawn for us to pray. It is one of the things that made me easily fall in love with him. Now that we are living together, you would think our prayer life would be more ablaze. Well, mine still is; it is my husband’s that has gone cold. At dawn, he would curl up with the sheets over his head instead of joining me to pray. 

I have advised him several times to tone down on social media but he refuses to listen. That’s all he does with his time. Always with his phone in hand. Scrolling. Watching videos. Reading stories. Commenting on posts that don’t concern him. Nothing I say to get him to change has worked. 

When we were dating he didn’t have a lot of friends. I could have sworn I was the only he found friendship with. Not males and neither females. He was always by himself, with his family, with me, or doing something church related. 

It was when we were making preparartiong for our marriage that I saw a young lady in his space. She was helping him make errands for our wedding among other things. When i asked him about her, he said she was his junior in school who now is like an assistant for him.

I took his word for it but now that we are married, she is everywhere. She calls my husband all the time. Sometimes she shows up at our church programs. My husband has an intersection team. They meet and pray. This lady is part of that team.

I know that as a pastor, he for the people. When they need help they call to talk to him. However, the communication between this girl and my husband is too much. They talk everyday; morning, afternoon, and evening. 

He tells her everything. He has bought a piece of land. The girl knows. He is planning to pursue his master’s. She knows that too. She also tells him everything that goes on in her life. How am i supposed to be okay with this?

Even when I am eating with him and we are chatting, and she calls him, he leaves me and answers the call. I would have to complain bitterly before he would hang up. He has given her room to act as if she has more right to him than I even do as his wife.

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For some reason, me and that girl’s spirit is are not compatible. I have had terrible encounters with her in my dreams. Even our physical meetings haven’t been pleasant. Regardless, I have done my best to stay away from her. I just wish my husband would do what I have done.

I have spoken to him to tone down his communication with her. He told me, “Abi is my friend. She has been a blessing to me since I met her. I can’t cut off her because I am married. I want to be in her life and help her to become a better version of herself.”

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I asked my husband, “So if I have a man in my life that I have such a tight friendship with, would you be okay with it?” 

He insisted there was nothing wrong with his friendship with this Abi girl. I am even tired of complaining. He knows their friendship makes him uncomfortable. Yet he insists on keeping her close. I don’t know what else to do.  Everything has changed since we got married. Now he is addicted to social media. 

—Anne Marie

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