When he proposed to me, I didn’t accept it immediately. I had one term I wanted him to agree to first before I would agree to marry him. It was important to me that he understood I wasn’t joking about it. “I don’t expect to be an only wife when I am married. At some point in the marriage, I will want you to take another wife. If this works for you, we can go ahead and get married.” He laughed and said, “Sure, if that will make you happy.” It was only then I finally said yes to his proposal.
He has been nothing short of a good husband. He takes good care of me and our children. He is not a quarrelsome person and neither am I, so our home is always peaceful. When we have our problems you wouldn’t even know. We would sit down and have a conversation about it. Honestly, I don’t regret marrying him.
When people in my life found out I was going to marry a pastor they laughed at me. They thought I couldn’t survive as a pastor’s wife. Some of them even said, “You, a pastor’s wife? You will quit that marriage soon.” Well, here we are in our tenth year of marriage going strong. I don’t know what negative stereotypes about marrying pastors exist but it doesn’t apply to my marriage.
In our seventh year, I brought up the terms of our marriage. “You promised you would marry a second wife after we are married. I believe it’s time for you to deliver.” Just as the first time he laughed. However this time he asked, “Is that truly what will make you happy?” I nodded and said yes. My husband laughed again and said, “I didn’t marry you for your sense of humor but I am glad you tell jokes that make me laugh.” It was at that moment I realized he misunderstood the whole situation. All along, he thought I was joking.
I explained, “I don’t want to be the only woman responsible for all your sexual needs. That’s why I don’t want to be an only wife. I need someone to share the work with.” When he finally understood that I was serious, he refused to do it. He is a pastor, after all. “I made a vow to God, to love and cherish you for as long as we live. So why are you asking this of me?” He asked. “I am not asking you to leave me. I’m simply asking you to bring home another woman,” I argued. The conversation didn’t end well that day.
He was determined not to do it. “I’m not interested in any other woman. I want only you,” he kept saying. So I started withholding myself from him sexually. When he comes to me I would tell him, “If you had another wife, you could have gone to her instead. I don’t want to be the only woman having sex with you for the rest of our lives.” Sometimes he would have to do a lot of talking before he would get his needs satisfied.
Our marriage is usually peaceful but whenever this issue came up, it became a bone of contention between us for days. I was mostly the one who was unhappy. This was what I asked for before I agreed to marry him, so why was he saying no, now that I was ready? For three years, we dragged on this conversation but made no progress.
We had our third child almost a year ago. Ever since we had the baby, I refused to let him touch me. “I have been singing the same song to you right from the moment you proposed to me but you are not listening to me. So I have decided that I will no longer have sex with you until you marry another woman,” I informed him. As always, he thought he could act sweet and I would let it go. But this time around I was determined.
Our baby is turning one and we haven’t done it. So he knows I am serious now. He is listening. He has agreed to find a wife. First, I suggested he marries one of the women in the church. However, he said, “I can’t marry a church member. I see them as my children so it would be impossible to form a romantic connection with any of them.” Honestly, if he had agreed to it, we would have had a wife by now.
He has asked me to look for a woman for him. He says he wants someone who is thirty-five or older but not older than forty-five. My husband himself is forty-one while I am in my mid-thirties. I want to make it clear that I am not the jealous type. Any woman who comes into the marriage is not coming to face a rival. I am looking for a friend, a sister, to share my husband with.
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I know that people mostly see polygamy as promiscuity but I don’t believe in that. As Africans, polygamy has always been part of our culture. Even in the Bible, some of the men that worshiped God wholeheartedly and were loved by Him were polygamous. Abraham, Jacob, David, Solomon, among others. Culture and faith aside, I know my husband. He doesn’t have a promiscuous bone in his body.
We have agreed that before he marries this new woman, we would go to court and make accommodations for a second wife. That way his new wife would be recognized legally as well. We hope to find a good Christian woman as soon as possible. Please, it has to be someone who is ready to settle down. Have no fears that my husband would string you along and waste your time. He is not that kind of person, and I won’t even allow such a thing to happen.
I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It
Although my husband is financially capable of taking care of two wives, our three children, and whatever number of children he has with the new woman, we want a working woman. The person doesn’t necessarily need to be a high earning career woman. As long as you are making an income, it will do.
The administrator’s of the page have my number. So if you read this story and you are interested, kindly reach out. My husband and I will arrange a meeting with you at your earliest convenience so you can see us and know if our family is one you would like to be a part of.
My family won’t interfere in this, in case you have any concerns about that. I have answered all the questions the admin asked but if you have more questions, you can still ask them and I will respond as soon as I can.
—Jolene
If you have a compelling story to share with us, you can email it to us at [email protected] or send us a voice note on WhatsApp number 0593290182.
#SB
What has all are u searching for my sister , u have a good husband who takes care of u and ur children and at the end of the day u want him to marry another because of ur selfish desire to marry another woman , have thought about how he is going to feel about this and what he will go through if he marries another becos u want him to . If u dont love ur marriage or ur children i advise u cancel that decision becos u dont know the consequence of that and u are not even prepared for it the same as ur husband.
U dont even know what that new wife will be bringing into ur loving and peaceful home and when she starts giving birth that where the problem will begins , have u thought of that and what about ur children. What will they think of their father and u as their mother. This world is full of strange things and just becos someone has done it doesn’t mean u should beside ur husband should be ur everything that u can confide in not another woman unless u want to lose your marriage and be on the streets with ur children go ahead if not think wisely before u make a decision .
And pls cancel that decision its not favourable unless u want to lose it marriage, ur children and husband.
It’s not favorable to whom? The people who have lived the longest have been polygamists who understand and trust each other. Go to court marriage Registry today and count the number of divorces, break them down into monogamy and polygamy and come tell us your surprise fi di gs
You will regret it. You are peaceful but what makes you think the other woman will be like you? Don’t be the hands that pushes your husband to an early grave. You are a Christian and you know better than anyone that the Bible preaches against polygamy. Yes Africans are polygamous but once you are in Christ Jesus you let go off such thinking. Right now you desire to get a new wife for him like you have been possessed but when you are done you will see how you have ruined your life and family with this your wish. The only way out is for you to divorce him so that he can get married to someone else with out him being married to two women. At the end of the day none of these options is right. Sex is not everything. Having this peaceful marriage with God in it is everything. A word to the wise is enough.
My sister are you sure all is well with your mental health? Even if your husband is a sex maniac, What woman in her right mind will advocate for her own downfall? I feel like something fishy is going on. Please. My dear innocent women out there PLEASE nobody should fall for this trap. There’s more to this woman’s story than meets the ordinary eye.
I love the fact that she is ready to share her man with another woman. I equally believe that polygamy is not sin or evil however, as a wife you don’t need to lead your man into something that he is not ready for. Polygamy was cool until lots of evil women showed up. These days, lots of evil 😈 things happen, you may have clean thought but have you considered the effect of your request or wishes?
The way you wish to have a friend and whatever, you are likely to have thresome, the woman likely to dominate your husband’s mind sexually especially when you have denied him sex for long, the woman may juju your family and break you all apart.
Have you even thought about the integrity of your husband as a pastor?
How will he feel in the presence of the congregation. In his conscience polygamy is a sin and no matter how you explain it he will be living in guilt. I pray this request does not take his anointing away.
I pray you seek counselling and pray about this well
Polygamy is okay but these days people are evil which is why you have to be extremely careful please
I wish you well on your search and I wish you drop your search though
Peace!
After your husband marries a second wife would he still be a pastor or he would quit being a pastor. If you did sign in court during marriage then there is no way a second wife would be recognized by the state. I am only sad cos you are turning a good and upright man into something else n worse of all be a hindrance to his Christian life.
You should have said you looking for a church ⛪ goer not Christian cos a proper Christian would not tske such an offer except a church goer. I pray you get someone who would come n make your life miserable so you can learn from it.
There’s a simple explanation for your behavior: you don’t love your husband. Period!
I didn’t even finish reading sef. Seems you’ve got it under control. Kwantinue and keep up the good work you’ve started.
Na mmom, hwɛ na wamba akyire ammɛsu sɛ the second woman has taken over your husband completely! Another thing, you mentioned your husband is a pastor, how do you think marrying this two women will be looking like? In your own big picture?
Sister yi, mehwɛ wo life no aa, wopɛ haw ne apenisie! Hwɛ na yɛ ho biribi cos adeɛ wei will backfire big time! And what example are you trying to show your children?
May the Lord be your strength!
Sister, are sure you have not been sent to bring this pastor down?
How can a man of God mary two (polygamy) when the Bible has clearly stated in 1Tim 3:12 dat even deacons shd be husbands of ine wife”?
I believe there is more to ur story than u have painted to us.
You need prayers to bring ur mind back home cis i can see u have reached far. I cant think far!!! 😳😳😬
You should have married a Muslim instead. This is unnecessary pressure on the man…SMH. Becareful you don’t destroy your home with your own hands.
Woman are you ok?
hmmmmmmmmmm asemooooooo