I agreed to date him because he ticked all the boxes for me. He is young and handsome. He also has an incredible personality. Not that my focus is on this very one but it’s important to me that my man is financially stable. And Prince is very comfortable when it comes to money. When he first asked me to be his girlfriend, it was on WhatsApp. So I didn’t take him seriously. Then he asked me out on a date. I said yes to that one.
It was when we were on the date that he looked at me with a serious expression and said, “Kemi, I was serious when I asked you to be my girlfriend. I love you. Don’t you feel anything for me?” Of course, I felt something for him. I just wouldn’t call it love. That would be quite a reach. I answered, “Oh, I have feelings for you too. I just didn’t you were serious because you proposed to me on WhatsApp.” He laughed when I said this.
By the time the night ended, I was his girlfriend. I was hopeful that our love would last, but I also wanted to take things slow and see how it goes. He, on the other hand, started talking about marriage only a few weeks into the relationship. People have a way of saying big things when they are intoxicated with new love. So I didn’t let his talk about marriage get to my head.
I thought he would eventually sober up, and come to be on the same page with me but it hasn’t been the case. He always wears a serious expression when he says, “I can’t wait to marry you and call you my wife.” Sometimes he would start a sentence with the phrase, “When we get married…” Every chance he gets, he brings up the subject.
There were times I felt pressured because it had only been a few weeks. Sometimes I even tried to change the topic, just so he would know that I was not comfortable talking about it. All the times this happened, I saw hurt saunter across his face.
Despite all his talk and enthusiasm about marriage, he has poor communication skills. He is not someone who picks up his phone and calls me. He won’t even be the first to send a text message before we have a conversation. I am always the one initiating contact. This is one of the reasons I feel he is rushing. I believe we should match our efforts when it comes to communication. Besides, it’s one of my love languages.
Another thing I have noticed about him is his spending habits. To be more specific, it has to do with the way he spends on me. This guy has money yet whenever he wants to buy or do something for me, he doesn’t spend more than ten thousand naira. I don’t know if he thinks that’s all his love for me is worth or if he is just a stingy person.
These two things aside, there is another girl in his life. He admitted to me that he used to have a crush on her. However, he didn’t have the courage to shoot his shot so they are now just friends. Their closeness is suspicious.
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I have asked him several times, “Please, just tell me the truth. What’s your relationship with this girl that used to be your crush?” He usually just laughs it off and says, “How many times do you want me to tell you that there’s nothing going on between us? She is just a friend.” How am I supposed to believe he is just friends with someone he always spends time with? If he is not with me, then he is with her. If he is not talking to me, then he is talking to her.
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It is as though he and this girl are a package deal. If I want to stay in the relationship, then I have to accept that she is part of it. He is not willing to let her go. But I am also not interested in being in a relationship that contains three people.
Although he is mature, intelligent, and, financially stable, I am not happy with him. The good thing is, we haven’t had shuperu yet. It’s something he said he wouldn’t do until we are married. I also didn’t want to do it so it’s okay. That’s why it’s easier for me to want to leave the relationship. I want to know if my concerns are valid. Or if I am the one finding problems where there are no problems. What should I do?
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—Kemi
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The battle lines are drawn. You wouldn’t countenance the marriage with his crush party breathing in and he wouldn’t also avoid the company of his crush. The deception is your belief that the guy only crushed on her without proposing. Far from that. You have genuine concerns on the sanity of the relationship so I will advise you back off and move on before the reality comes out to destroy your ego.
He’s in love with his excrush, yet he’s always talking marriage with you? Definitely not! It’s you he loves. The important question is whether or not you love him? If you do you can draw his attention to his poor communication skills so he improves. I also hope you’re not with him because of his money. If you don’t love him please tell the poor guy the truth so both of you can move on with your lives.