When I was in the university, I had a magnetic personality. I was surrounded by friends. Those who were not my friends to start with, at some point, became my friends. I just couldn’t help it. Anyone who met me wanted to be my friend. So I always described myself as someone who was not rich in money but rich in character and people. I had this blind faith that these people would show up for me when I needed them just as I always showed up for them.

My heart was a stranger to betrayal back then so my intentions were always pure toward everyone. I was kind and ready to sacrifice my happiness for anyone who needed me. I never for a moment stopped to ask myself, “What if all these people are using me for their benefit?” I mean, why would anyone have bad intentions towards me? It wasn’t as if I had wronged them in any way.

Well, I found out the truth about human nature when I failed a paper in my final year. It wasn’t a course I expected to fail so I was very shocked. A whole me? Someone who never failed a single exam in my entire life, I am now failing one at a time it was important that I pass.

When this thing happened, I was sad and heartbroken. I expected my friends to at least show up, and offer me some comfort but they all disappeared. Everybody was busy preparing for their graduation so they didn’t have time to waste on me, who didn’t qualify to graduate with them. That was when I knew that I didn’t have any friends. I had been alone all this while.

The people who were around me were not there because they cared about me. They were there because they were getting something from me or were expecting. However, when they realized I was behind them, they left me there. I didn’t even believe this was the case until I reached out to them and asked them to help me prepare for my resit.

One person would tell me, “Chale, I am busy with national service. I won’t get the time, sorry.” Another person would say, “I just started a business that is taking all my time. I won’t even have the concentration to help you.” Someone also said that they didn’t remember the course or how they passed the exam. There was this guy I was very close to. I sacrificed a lot for him so I had hope that he would be the one to turn for me. He turned me down so easily that I couldn’t believe it. I thought I was having a bad dream.

Not a single one of these friends stood by me in my darkest moments. This added to my disappointment. I became very depressed. I tried to channel positive thoughts and emotions but it wasn’t working. When I wrote the resit I failed. I became very frustrated and more depressed, as the school placed me on a grace period for two academic years.

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Fortunately and miraculously, I passed the third time. What happened the night before the paper was just miracles. My laptop that I was using to learn was just faulty but the night before the paper, the laptop started working perfectly. I didn’t even have to do anything about it. There was a particular tutorial I had never given much attention but that night I went through it thoroughly. It happened that the majority of the questions came from there.

Because I didn’t have a degree after school, I lost a lot of opportunities during the two years I stayed home to write my resit. However, five months after I finally graduated, I got a job that completely turned my life around. I was no longer the guy who couldn’t graduate with his year group. The depression that weighed heavily on my soul set me free. I started feeling like my old self again: the buoyant and carefree person who believes there is more good in this world than there is bad.

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Could you believe that all the people who abandoned me are trying to come back into my life again? They call me all the time asking for favors. Others too call asking for money. I listen to everything they say and then tell them, “No problem. Let me see what I can do.” But as soon as they hung up, I don’t see anything. What kind of fool would I be if I gave any of them that kind of access to me again? Once bitten twice shy, no?

Today, I am just here to thank God that he allowed me to go through that difficult time for two years. If it hadn’t been for that, I wouldn’t have known who all my true friends were. I thought I was being delayed but it was all working out for my good. God’s time is indeed the best. As men, we plan, forgetting that God also has his plans. And his plan supersedes all of ours. Although I learned a bitter lesson about people and friendships. I am glad that all those things happened to me. Now I know better than to trust people blindly.

—Jeremy

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