His family has met mine, and both families get along well. Sometimes my mum calls his and they talk. With our marriage preparations going on, I imagine they must have a lot to talk about. My parents see Nick as an angel. So they love him as though we are already married. You should see the way they pamper him when he comes home to visit. He is like a last baby to them. At least, that’s how I tease them.

I love Nick so much that it makes me happy when I see him having conversations and exchanging banter with my parents. That’s why they don’t know even half the things I have been conflicted about when it comes to our impending nuptials.

His parents, on the other hand, know all the demons he possesses and how they torment me. Every time something comes up they tell me to be patient. “Just give it time,” his mother would say, “he is working on it. He will change very soon.” That’s how we are here now. Oh, he will change but where is the change? The most infuriating part about all this for me was that he was not honest about who he was. I went into the relationship knowing a side of him that appealed to me in a man.

For instance, I don’t like men who have tattoos. Let me fix that, it’s not the men I don’t like. It’s the tattoos. So any man who has a tattoo automatically is a no for me. When I met Nick, he didn’t have one. At least it wasn’t visible to me. He never mentioned it and I also didn’t ask. It was when we were at a point where we could see each other without clothes that I saw it. I went to visit him once and he was shirtless. I made a face and he asked why. I told him, “I don’t like tattoos. Why do you have tattoos?” He smiled and said, “Something silly I did when I was younger. But if it bothers you, I will get rid of it.” He didn’t.

When I got tired of reminding him, I stopped. I told myself that he is a good man who loves me. How does it hurt our relationship if he has a tattoo? If the tattoo is the one thing I have to embrace, then so be it.

One year into the relationship I found out he smokes weed. I wasn’t ready to add that to the list of things so I broke up with him. This guy was on his knees begging me. He was in tears. “I will stop, I promise. Please, don’t go. I will be lost without you.” Seeing him like that tugged at my heartstrings. I couldn’t bear to leave him like that so I stayed. He promised to work on it until it was no longer a problem. I was patient and willing to walk the talk with him.

However, I noticed he wasn’t doing anything to change the situation as promised. Every time it came up, it would turn into a fight. Recently it came up again and his response was, “Well you knew I smoke weed but you still stayed so leave it alone.” Wow! If I had known right from the beginning that he was doing it, I wouldn’t have accepted his proposal but here we are.

If he hid his tattoos and his marijuana addiction from me, then what else is he hiding? A child. It was his friend who told me Nick had a five-year-old child. This was when we were two years into the relationship. Two whole years and you didn’t tell me you have a child? When was he going to tell me? He is not a deadbeat dad, no. He is actively involved in the life of the child. And ever since I found out, I have been served with one baby mama drama after the other.

READ ALSO: She Is Unemployed But Managed To Spend GHC2000 In Two Days?

The part that surprises me is that at some point we cohabitated. However, I have had to move to another region because of work. So if someone I was living with could hide a child from me then now that we are in a long-distance relationship, how many more skeletons is he stacking up in his closet?

I had some suspicions a while back that he was cheating on me. I confronted him but he made me feel stupid, as if I were imagining things. He thinks he won because I let it go but I know what I have seen. His parents know all these things but they keep telling me to help him change. Even as a fiancee, I am already tired. Imagine if I become his wife; for better or worse? Is this the life I want?

It Will Be Difficult For Me To Commit To One Person

I don’t know what to do. Maybe I do but I don’t have the courage to break free. Maybe I am too chicken to walk away and disappoint everyone who is invested in the relationship. My parents don’t know any of these things about him, because I don’t want them to treat him differently than they do now. I am also thinking about everything we’ve been through together. We are currently three years into the relationship.

Am I going to let all of that go to waste? The time and energy spent, the sacrifices, the monies spent. What about all my love and emotions? What do I do with them if I leave? We are almost done buying the items on the marriage list but I am still unsure if I want to go through with it. The dilemma is killing me slowly.

—Ama

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

#SB